Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(43)

Never in my life had I ever been taught about how terrible it was to live in other places. Bound by their faith, these people kept forging forward, even when they had nothing left to be thankful for. They were putting their trust in us; people who didn’t even understand their language or religions. It was horrid.

That kind of environment takes a toll on someone. Even though I had Mullins, and even Spence to keep me occupied, it still didn’t help when the lights went out at night; it didn’t keep the demons from haunting me.

There were a lot of nights where I dreamed of Kat or other family members. Most of the time it was like memories, but on occasion I’d dream that I was on a mission and discovered their dead bodies. I’d wake up in a pool of sweat, searching the room to make sure it hadn’t been real. There was nothing like going through the motions of a regular day while still seeing the images of my decapitated loved ones.

It was very rare to dream something refreshing, that woke me with a smile on my face, but when it did happen I thrived on it. It was much like going without food and water, and then magically a double cheeseburger and fries shows up in front of you.

Because of those special dreams, I knew I couldn’t give up hope of finding Kat. I had to keep searching, praying that I would be able to know for sure that she was okay.

I’ll never forget the November afternoon that took more from me then I knew I had. We’d been dropped off by a helicopter near a zone that we hadn’t been before. Details weren’t really something we were privy to. Basically we’d suit up and be on our way. During the ride they’d tell us what we were doing, I guess, so it was fresh in our heads. Like every time, we exited the chopper with caution and proceeded to the coordinates we’d been given.

There wasn’t a ton of coverage in this location, given that we were near an area of dessert. For as far as we could see there was dried vegetation and sand. After walking a ways we spotted a few buildings, realizing right away that it was our target location. The job was simple. We were to extract the four families and arrange for transportation to a safe house. Since it appeared that we were safe, everyone had their guard down.

Mullins started whistling Christmas carols, getting everyone to chime in with him. For once we were all smiling. Some of the people in our group were planning on taking leave. I envied them being able to have welcoming homes to return to.

I don’t think anyone could have suspected that we were in danger, or that in a matter of seconds some of us were going to lose our lives. I don’t even think the soldier first in line had a clue he’d stepped on an active land mine.

Everyone was thrown in the air as the explosive device was triggered. With the wind knocked out of me, and my ears ringing loudly, I managed to sit up and look around. Sand made it difficult to see, even with safety gear on my face. When I pulled off my helmet I could hear moaning, and people calling out. After a few seconds I stood and searched for Mullins. I expected him to say something sarcastic, or be looking for me at the same time, but what I discovered was much worse.

He’d been second in line that day, and I wasn’t even sure which body parts were his, or the soldier in front of him. Strewn across the area were the remnants of my unit, closest to the mine. As it became harder to breathe, I crouched down in front of what was left of my dear friend. His eyes were still open beneath his goggles, but there was no life remaining. Both of his legs were half gone, one arm was dangling, and the impact had obviously caused severe trauma all around. In an instant my friend’s life was over. I fought to hold back the tears as I touched his bloodied chest. He’d been through so much. He’s lost everything that mattered to him. This was the beginning of the end for me. It was the point when I knew I’d reached my limit.

Aside from a helicopter coming to pick us up, much of the rest is blurry. While in the shower alone, I cried for my friend, enough so that when I had to tell Anderson, I’d be able to hold back the tears. While Spence comforted her friend, I went off on my own to a spot where Mullins and I used to hang out. For a few moments everything was so quiet. It was as if I was being granted a minute of peace before hell broke loose again.

Nothing I did would bring him back.



November 11th

I lost my friend today. He’s the only person who knew what it was like for me when I first left home. We’d taken this ride together, and I don’t really know if I can continue on this journey without him. If he’d only been in the back of the line near me, he’d be sitting next to me right now, still whistling his annoying carols. Instead he’s going back to the states in pieces. I wondered if he’d requested to be stationed with me. Had he died because he wanted to be with me again? It was more proof that every person who gets close to me is cursed.

I don’t know how I’m going to get over this, or how I’m expected to go back out there again. I don’t want to die, but I also have no idea how to stay alive.





November 24th



It’s Thanksgiving, but I’m not real sure what to be thankful for this year. I’ve seen too much death to be able to appreciate that we stopped to have a semi-nice meal. I mean, I’m not really sure we ate turkey, and if it was it certainly wasn’t freshly plucked. The instant potatoes were nothing like my mother made, and I don’t even want to get started on the stuffing. For entertainment, a couple of people sang and told jokes. I sat across from Anderson and Spence, saying nothing as they seemed to be enjoying themselves.