Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(41)
As I began to leave she ran toward me. Grabbing my hands and thanking me the best she could without knowing English. The simple gesture left me with a glimmer of hope.
After running back to the vehicle, I was able to scrounge up some Tylenol and other medications. They wouldn’t heal the child’s illness, but certainly break his fever and manage any other pain symptoms. Once again the woman was thankful. She started offering me bread, insisting that I take it with me. Since I didn’t want to offend her I nodded and walked back out to keep moving with my group.
All day long I thought about that woman, and her sick child.
A week later we were traveling to another area, passing through that one. After seeking permission from my superior, we stopped so that I could check on the mother and child. This time the father was home as well. The boy was sitting up in bed and managed to smile. I could tell he was feeling better. The father walked up and shook my hand, saying something I couldn’t make out. He kept repeating it, like it was important I understood. I pretended to, feeling as if whatever he was saying meant they were grateful.
I was far from being a saint, but somehow this family made me feel better about my life’s choices. I couldn’t know for sure if the water or medicine had helped to start healing their sick son, but I felt like it was important. Helping people made me want to be a better man.
October 2nd
Last week a new troop came into camp. Mullins noticed the two women first, insisting that I need to get laid. In some ways maybe he’s right. I definitely want to be able to unwind from the tension I put myself through daily. I still don’t know if getting involved in anything sexual would alleviate the aggravation I carried with me. For me, Kat will always be the one, even if I never see her again. Since I’m not an idiot, it’s obvious I can’t go forever without physical contact. Just because she isn’t with Branch doesn’t mean she won’t move on. I get it. I even understand it in some ways. She’s living in another country. We can’t be together even if it was possible. I guess it’s time to stop punishing myself for what I couldn’t change. I can’t keep living in daydreams and fantasies about the life we’re never going to have. I can’t allow myself to continue to hope that we have a chance. Kat’s gone, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
I let Mullins take the lead, watching him hit on the first woman. She was curvier than her friend and reminded me a lot of his ex-wife. It made me sad seeing him go after someone that resembled her though the selections on base were slim. Most women were married or batted for the opposite team, not that I was scoping it out, but people talk.
The first night we hung out in the rec room getting to know each other. Allison Sampson was a twenty five year old California native, who had a love for surfing and cappuccinos. She’d also been fourth generation military, choosing the Army over Navy at the last minute. Right away Mullins was in awe over her, minus the drool. For me, Hilary Spencer, who liked to be called Spence, was someone to pass the time with. She was from North Carolina, grew up without knowing who her parents were, and joined the military for their education program. She had short brown hair that was straight as a needle, and she had dark brown eyes that seemed to appear endless.
“Do you have a girlfriend or a wife back home?” I’d answered her questions up until this one. Suddenly I found my ability to reply difficult. While I struggled to come to terms that I was alone, she spoke for me. “It’s not a hard answer. I’ll take that as a yes.”
“It’s not like that,” I replied. “We were never together.”
She crossed her legs while giving me a curious stare. “Don’t tell me you’re holding out for someone. Have you not looked outside lately? Life is too short.”
“What about you?” I changed the subject.
A half-smile formed across her face. “There’s someone back home. We’ve been together for three years on and off. When I go home I’m sure we’ll hook back up, but neither of us are a fool to what being apart does to some relationships. We agreed that while I was away we’d do our own thing.” I must have seemed shocked. She released an air-filled laugh and shook her head. “Judge away. My family thinks I’m stupid. At the end of the day it all comes down to reality. It wouldn’t be fair to string each other along. He knows I’m going to be here for a while. We’ll talk when we can, but I can’t expect him to live alone without daily contact. We’re not married.”
“No, it takes a strong woman to be so confident.”
“So back to this girl. Does she even know you exist?”
My brow furrowed, and I think right away she knew I was uncomfortable. “Yes. I’ve known her my whole life. If it’s okay with you, I’d rather not get into it.”
For the rest of the evening we talked about the Army; the fun, scary, and everything else. While Mullins and his new friend disappeared for a little while, I took my time, feeling this girl out. I still wasn’t sold on the idea of hooking up, but it passed the time. Unfortunately, it also made me miss Kat.
After a month of hanging out, the four of us became inseparable on the base. Sure, we each had jobs to do, but when they were over we spent our down-time together. Mullins and Anderson were tied at the hip. They’d been sleeping together since three days after they met while I still hadn’t even kissed Spence. I could tell she was anxious, and maybe a bit reluctant. I refused to share my feelings about Kat. It hurt too much to think that I had to move on; that my chances of ever being with her again were never going to happen.