Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(38)

I guess after hearing about my friend’s child and wife, I can’t help but wonder about my own broken heart. Why am I holding onto some hope that I’ll have her in my arms again? It makes no sense, and that’s the reason I won’t share my feelings about it with anyone. They’ll just laugh at me for loving her so much. When I close my eyes we’re together. She’s running through a field of tall grasses, while beams of sun are shining down, highlighting her brown wavy hair. The smile on her face makes me beam, and I stand there, arms open, waiting to catch her when she comes into my reach. I want to lay there in that field with her until the sun sets, and even after. It’s no longer about making love. In that moment I know she’s mine, and nothing can tear us apart again.

I just wish I could talk to her. I want to tell her that I miss her. I need to know she’s okay.

I need to know she’s still alive.



That next evening I was faced with the scariest situation of my existence. We could hear the gunfire while proceeding toward the danger zone. The Taliban had attacked this particular location, leaving a path for us to follow. In this instance, the military had gotten to the area in time to corner some of those involved. While units surrounded the vicinity, we were approaching from the northern side, armed and prepared to do whatever it took to free some hostages that had been seized during earlier gun fire.

I’d been trained for this. I’d had years to prepare, but nothing could stop my hands from shaking. Each step I took toward the enemy made me think harder about my decisions. If I died on this battleground, I’d be flown back to the states and buried as a hero, but I wouldn’t see myself that way. I was a coward, one that had run and hid, instead of standing up for what I wanted so long ago. I hadn’t done all that I could have to be with Kat, or to make my life something other than it was.

I couldn’t have anticipated to see boys, no more than fourteen, standing there firing weapons almost as big as they were. Even through binoculars, I could see the hate in their eyes, knowing they’d been taught this way of life. Then I watched them falling to the ground, simultaneously, while gunfire continued to shoot from their weapons. Down they fell, taking their last breaths, dying for what they’d been told was right.

I don’t recall aiming my weapon, or even firing my first shot. Once I saw the man in the window pointing his gun at a soldier, I reacted. I held onto that trigger until I watched him fall two stories to the hard ground. The noise around me ceased to exist. I’d killed for the first time, and with that came confusing, and brutal guilt. That person had been fighting for what they believed in. He was someone’s son. He bled the same color as me.

My thoughts overwhelmed me until my name snapped me out of it. “Valentine, cover me,” Mullins yelled.

I nodded and held my weapon still, scoping out anyone or anything that would cause my friend harm. When he ducked down behind a building, positioning to watch as I followed, he started firing. I ran fast, shooting the entire time. Like slow motion I was willing to take down anything in front of me. Behind Mullins, I saw a shadow peering around the corner. With nothing but a large knife in his hand, an older man came at him. I shot one time, clipping him in the temple. He fell to the ground, the blade landing right in front of where Mullins stood speechless. There was no time to check on each other. We were directly in the line of fire, and if we didn’t keep our focus, we weren’t making it out alive.

On our radios, we were being directed to a safe area. Resources were on the way, but with the amount of smoke in the air we couldn’t see or hear helicopters or even fighter jets.

Two more members of our unit reached our location, panting for air from running so fast. A female named Anderson had been shot in the thigh. She sunk down to the ground, screaming in agony. We rushed to her side, ripping some fabric, forming a tourniquet in order to stop the excess bleeding. In that moment I pretended she was Kat. My mission was to get her to safety, no matter if my life was taken in doing so. If we could make it to the safe house, she’d survive. I was pretty sure it hadn’t hit an artery. If I had to drag her, I would.

Anderson hopped back to a standing position. She reloaded her weapon and looked directly into my eyes. It was the first real connection I’d had and thinking it could be my last moments breathing changed me. “You can do this. Stay behind me. No matter what happens, keep going. Do you hear me, soldier?”

When I turned around, I saw Mullins standing over the other ranger. He shook his head when our eyes met. While I’d been attending to Anderson, he’d been shot in the neck. It was obvious he was gone. Mullins picked him up over his shoulder, prepared to carry him out anyway. “We need to get moving. The bullets are getting too close.”

I turned to look at Anderson. She was cocked and ready. Since I had to cover both of them, I took in the surrounding area and started firing where I saw bright lights from weapons unloading. Structure by structure we traveled together, at this point we were fighting to stay alive.

Finally, we were greeted by soldiers waving us down. I recognized our lieutenant as the three of us jumped into a large vehicle. While a medic assessed the damage to Anderson’s leg, I turned back to watch something exploding into the air. The noise of fighter jets broke the sound barrier as they flew away from the cloud of fire.

The ground rumbled, but the vehicle didn’t let up.

We were told that they’d recovered the hostages. The ambush wasn’t expected, so they said. It didn’t matter if it was. Lives were lost. I’d killed at least two people, and I’d never be able to forget it.