Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(42)

On a chilly night, outside, while the wind was whipping the sand around, I laid next to Spence on the ground, holding her hand. We were staring up at the stars in the sky, both imagining that we were somewhere else. I didn’t try to ask about her ex, but it was obvious she still loved him.

“Sometimes I like to pretend he’s out there somewhere looking at the same bright sky. Do you ever do that, Valentine?”

“Yeah. I guess.”

She rolled over to be facing me and placed her hand on my chest. We were both in fatigues, so there was nothing sexy about her touch. “I’m not a shrink, but it’s obvious you have it bad for this woman. You never talk about it, albeit you don’t even have to. The truth is written across your heartbroken face. What happened to you, Brooks?” She never called me by my first name. This made the conversation more serious.

“Kat was my first love. Our parents were best friends, and we lived next door to them. They were both killed on 9-11.”

“Oh my god,” she interrupted.

“Kat came to live with us when we were twelve. The three of us were inseparable back then.”

“Wait? Three of you?”

“My brother.” I cleared my voice. “My twin brother, Branch. He was the third musketeer.”

“You have a twin?” She smirked that it was interesting.

“An evil twin. A brother that would stop at nothing to steal her away from me. For years he told the both of us lies so we wouldn’t attempt to be together. When she chose him I stepped aside. I joined the military and moved away.”

“That’s so sad. Are they still together?”

I let out a chuckle. This was going to either make her get up and never talk to me again, or maybe laugh in my face. “We slept together the night before they were supposed to get married. That’s the last time I’ve seen her.”

She sat up abruptly. “What? You’re kidding?”

“No, I’m not. It wasn’t planned. A lot of truths came out, and it happened. You may think I’m an *, but I don’t regret it. I wouldn’t change anything about that night with her.”

“Did they still get married?”

I looked away. “No. She ran away from everything. Even a private investigator can’t track her down. I just found out about it when I finally called home. It happened last Christmas, and nobody has heard from her since. I don’t even know if she’s alive.”

“That’s terrible. You don’t think she hurt herself do you?”

I shook my head. “No. This might sound stupid, but I’d feel it if she were gone. Wherever Kat is, she doesn’t want to be found.”

“Wow, I’m sorry. I get why you never want to talk about it.”

“Nothing numbs the pain, Spence. It’s always there, reminding me of my mistakes.”

She leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine. Feeling that type of connection while discussing something so personal, opened me to the possibility of drowning everything for as long as possible. I was hungry to survive, no matter what I had to do to make it happen.

I pulled Spence on top of me, appreciating her kisses more than she’d ever know. This wasn’t someone who wanted to win my heart. She was a friend, trying to comfort the hell out of me. Her hat slipped off when I reached up and ran my hands through her hair, pulling it out of the tiny bun. Her kisses were ravening, taking me away from the constant ache. I needed this to keep going; to stay sane. After making out until I was ready to explode, we snuck into a small building for supplies. In there we removed our clothes. I picked her up, sitting her on a stacked piled of armor cases. Her legs wrapped around my ass while more ravenous kisses consumed me. She only stopped me right before I was ready to take it to the next level, pushing me back so that she could fetch something from her jacket. I heard the familiar sound of a plastic wrapper. “Why are you carrying that around?”

“Mullins gave it to me a few weeks ago. I told him he was crazy.” She ripped it open with her teeth, grabbing at me like we’d done this a million times. “Even in the middle of war we should practice safe sex.”

I lifted her chin up to be even with my approaching lips. “Stop talking.”

This wasn’t love. We weren’t out to lay claim on each other. Our adulterated encounter was for stress relief. We were friends, trying to find something good in the mist of a terrible situation. Fueled on the hunger of physical contact, we shared our first rendezvous of many to come.



That didn’t help me feel better about what I’d done. As soon as I was redressed my mind went to Kat. I started imagining the roles reversed, and how hurt I’d be if she’d found someone else to share her time with. The thought made me disgruntled, so much so that I walked outside and punched a wooden post, causing my knuckles to bleed.

Once I was in my bunk I pulled out my journal, thinking of ways to make myself feel better for being so selfish.





Chapter 21


It was November. Weeks had turned into months, but nothing changed. I’d seen so much death and destruction, people tortured, cities destroyed. Communities had been evacuated, and families were separated. I carried screaming children that had been left behind when troops came in and took their parents while they were out playing. I’d seen fathers fighting because they didn’t want to leave. I’d watched elderly couples wave goodbye because they wouldn’t survive the trip.