Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(46)

Spence picked one up and began unwrapping it. “How thoughtful of you,” she said sarcastically.

“I’ve been stress eating for weeks. If that hits my mouth it’ll go straight to my ass.”

I popped another one in my mouth and looked around at the people in the room. For once everyone seemed to be in good spirits. “It’s weird seeing everyone in a good mood.”

“I wouldn’t call it a good mood, Valentine. We’re all stuck here instead of being home. If we’re lucky none of us will have to go out into the field for a couple days, but Muslims don’t care about Christian religions. If they’re smart, they’ll use it to their advantage.” Anderson’s comment made me lose my appetite. I’d never talked to her about Mullins death, or at least her feelings about it. My own feelings kept me from talking about things that hurt. I knew better than to drudge up parts of my life I needed to keep buried, for my own sanity.

“How about we try to remain positive?” Spence had a point. Thinking about the negative was only going to put us in bad moods.

“If we don’t do something we’re all going to end up in the ground. Our heads need to stay on.”

Anderson waved her arms around, pointing at the two of us. “I don’t know why you aren’t taking advantage of this time off. Shouldn’t you be in a shed somewhere, naked and consumed?”

I tried to laugh it off, but when I turned to see the look on Spence’s face I realized she thought it was a good idea too. I stood up and nudged my head for her to follow me. “Come on.”

She giggled. “Seriously, right now?”

“We’re going on an adventure. See you later, Anderson. Thanks for the push.”

Instead of the shed, which was getting pretty old, I borrowed a vehicle, and we set out into a deserted area. Once I had the vehicle in park, Spence and I looked around to make sure we were alone. She then climbed over to my side. When she was on top of me, with her arms around my neck, we kissed. I opened my eyes to be staring into hers. “Valentine, you sure do help the time pass.”

“Yeah, you too.”

“I talked to my ex today. I know he’s been dating, but he swears he’s waiting for me to come home. He says he wants to get married.”

I wondered if I should push her off of me. Was this some kind of end to our arrangement? “What are you telling me this for?”

“I just wanted to talk about it. Is that off limits?”

“No. It’s just weird.”

“Have you heard from your girl? What’s her name again?”

She was killing the mood. “Katy.”

When I looked away she could already tell I hadn’t been in contact with her. “I admire your devotion, Brooks.”

“Yeah, well I think it’s a joke. What good will it do?”

“Don’t give up on her. When we’re all home safe I want to hear about the two of you finding each other again.”

I started to push her off me. “We should go back to base.”

She stopped me. “Wait. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Kat and I won’t be together in the future, Spence. We don’t even know where she is.”

She sighed and unfastened the door before climbing out of the truck. When she disappeared toward the back I got out and followed her. “Where are you going?”

She plopped down on the sand and closed her eyes, dragging her hands in the sand. “Sometimes I like pretending I’m on sandy beach. I’m sweating because the hot rays are beating down on my exposed skin.”

I sat down next to her and looked around. There was nothing but dead plants and dirt mounds. “You have a vivid imagination.”

“Just close your eyes and hold my hand. Go with the flow.”

I did as she requested, only because I knew she wouldn’t let up. When my head hit the sand I found her awaiting grip as her fingers laced with mine. My eyes closed, and I did my best to focus on being at a beach.

“Can you feel it?” She asked.

“What?”

“The mist of the water.”

“No.”

She didn’t budge. “Fine. What if I was your Katy? Can you imagine holding her hand on a beach?”

I focused on Kat, realizing how easy it was to fantasize about being close to her. “Yes.”

“What would you talk about?”

“Anything. Everything. She was my best friend.”

“So let’s talk. You’re on a beach and you’re together. What would you say to her?”

“This is stupid.”

“Shut the hell up and go with it, Valentine. It’s just us. I won’t tell if you don’t.”

I kept my eyes closed and focused again, imagining that I was holding onto Kat. “I’d tell her I missed her.”

“Talk to her. Try again.”

“Fine.” I waited a second to think about what I’d say if I were on that beach with the love of my life. “I missed you while I was away.”

She squeezed my hand tighter. “I missed you too, Brooks.”

I wanted this to be happening so much that I finally let myself fall into the game. “I’ve thought about you every day, imagining holding you in my arms again.”