Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(49)

“This sucks. What if I lost her again?”

“Calm down. You have to be patient. Promise me you won’t go all psycho on the girl? You’ve waited all this time. A couple more days won’t hurt you.”

As much as I appreciated having Spence to keep me in check, I feared she’d been wrong. For weeks I anticipated to get something back from her, but nothing came. Since I was about to head to another area for a few weeks, I knew I had to reach out to her beforehand. After twelve days with no response I wrote her another letter.



Dear Kat,

Okay, I lied when I said that it was okay with me if you let go. It’s not okay.

I’m miserable over here and feel like I have nothing to come home for. I don’t want to see my brother and visiting my parents only reminds me of you.

You’re still everywhere I turn.

God, I miss you so much. I miss the way you smell and the way you twirl your hair when you’re nervous. Most of all, I miss my best friend.

Please Kat. Write me back.

Tell me to go to Hell.

Say something.

I have to go away for a few days, but I’ll check the mail when I get back.

All my love, Brooks



While I was away for work purposely my mind was focused on one thing alone.

Katy Michaels

Thankfully, we weren’t ambushed or held at gunpoint while we were out delivering parcels to the needy. Day after day I found a place to sit and write to her. My first letter during that time flowed so easily, almost like we hadn’t skipped a day from seeing each other. Even though it was about missing her, she was close to my heart again, which made every second of life worth living.



Dear Kat,

I can’t even explain how happy it made me to get your letter. Now, it seems like I can’t stop writing you. Every day I sit down and think of all the things that I want to tell you.

If you saw the pile of paper bundled in my trash can, you’d understand.

While this place lacks the feeling of home, I find peace knowing that you’re out there somewhere thinking about me too. I can only hope that one day, when I’m finally done with this tour, I can see you again. Would you be opposed to that? I understand if I’m being too forward. I just feel like we’ve missed so much time together.

Please write me back as getting your letters is the happiest I’ve felt in a very long time.

Love, Brooks



When I returned to base I was greeted with mail on my bed. I didn’t waste time opening the envelope and reading her words.



Dear Brooks,

I’m happy too. For so long I felt like you hated me. I’ve kept so much pain bottled up inside of me for what I did. I want you to know that walking away from you that day was still the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It was harder than losing my parents, because I knew I could have changed it, if I’d just been brave enough.

It’s taken me a long time to be able to accept that there are things I could have done to prevent what happened to us. It all starts with admitting that I should have known Branch had lied to me about your feelings.

About your brother…

I almost don’t want to know when he and Melissa hooked up. It isn’t like I care if it happened the day after I left. I knew I didn’t want him. In fact, if I never see him again it will be too soon. Your brother is the reason that we are worlds apart. He’s the reason that we’ve lived in Hell for two years. I will never forgive him for that.

Looking back now, I can actually see how he was full of shit most of the time. It makes me sick knowing I was that na?ve.

I should be the one begging you to write me back because I sure as hell don’t deserve your heart after what I did to you and have still been doing to you.

Getting our friendship back would mean everything to me.

I hope to hear from you soon.

Love always,

Katy




I wasn’t surprised to hear that Branch was with her friend. I’d suspected it for a while. A part of me was elated that she could see him for what he was. Finally!

None of that mattered to me anymore though. I had one goal, and that was to have Kat in my arms again. Even though I still had plenty of time overseas, I could now see a future for myself for when I returned.

Kat’s letters explained all about her new life in South Carolina. She seemed like she struggled at first, but had made good friends who’d helped her along the way. Her letters were cheerful and kept me positive while being in the midst of chaos.

I wrote her every single day, sometimes even twice if I had extra time. When responses would come in from her I’d stop what I was doing to read them. It was as if we were dating, but from afar.

I’d been reluctant to call her for a lot of reasons. Mostly it was because I couldn’t hear her voice and not want more. The letters were a good start. They were enough to make the pain go away. For me that was all I could give her, not because I didn’t want to hear her voice telling me she missed me. It was obvious I did. It was more to the point of wanting something special to have to look forward to.



By March I had a whole bag full of her letters; each one of them giving me hope that we were finally going to have our happily ever after. I was optimistic, so much that Spence and Anderson made fun of me.

Then, out of nowhere, I was told that my unit was moving to another location. I can’t say that I was sad about losing my friends. Aside from the occasional sex, I’d grown close to Spence especially. She took the news as hard as I did.