Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(40)

Just as I started to get up and walk away, she called out to me. “Hey, Valentine, maybe you could look me up when you get home?”

“Yeah, maybe I can show you around the nation’s capital.”

I didn’t know when I walked out of that medical facility that it would be the last time I saw Anderson. During her transport to the airport her convoy was attacked. All three travelers were slaughtered and left on the road to be discovered at a later time.

We weren’t even notified until two days after it happened, and even then I found it impossible to fathom. She was so close to going home, only to lose her life in such a horrendous way. How cruel life had been to her.




July 9th

There are no words to express how I feel tonight. It seems that my path of destruction has claimed the life of another innocent victim. I’ve relinquished all hope on humanity. Death is eminent. I can’t avoid the road that I’m on, nor can I understand how I got to this point voluntarily. I’ve killed. I’ve taken someone’s child, ending their life. I aimed my weapon at them and pulled the trigger. I’ll never forgive myself, just like I don’t think the image will ever leave my mind. At this point I don’t think I deserve to return home. There’s nothing there for someone like me.

I’ve been trained to kill people.

I just found out that a new friend lost her life tragically. Given my luck, it’s probably all my fault. She was on her way back to the states. She had hope. I wondered what she felt in her last few minutes on this earth. Did she suffer?

I don’t know who I can talk to about this. It’s too hard imagining that this could also be my fate. I just want to go back to a time when life was carefree, and the biggest thing I had to worry about was making Katy Michaels smile. God, I miss her so much. I miss everything about the life I used to live.





Chapter 20


September 11th

I wish I could talk to her. I know, of all days, she was thinking about her parents, wishing there was some way to change the past. I wished she could because I know I wouldn’t let her slip away from me if I got a second chance to do it all again. I would have told her after our first kiss that she was going to be my future. I would have held her hands that night when she pressed her lips against mine, and when we pulled away she’d know that I was already in love with her. I would have reminded her every morning when she woke, and then before she closed her eyes at night. I would have made her so happy. I hope wherever she is she knows that’s the truth.




That next week I took it upon myself to write to Kat, hoping that eventually my parents would find her, or at least an address I could send it to. Until then, it would stay in my journal.



Dear Kat,

There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about you. All my life I’ve been waiting for us to be together. I know it’s not possible anymore, but that doesn’t mean that I love you less. Being away from you, even though it was my choice, is the worst mistake I’ve ever made. I should have fought harder, proving to you that I was the right choice all along. I guess it doesn’t matter now. You’ve left everything behind, in some ways taking my same route. If I’d known this would happen, I could have warned you about how lonely it would be without the love of your family. I struggle daily with my choices. It pains me that you’re out there somewhere doing the same thing. I wonder if you’re okay. I hope you are. God, I pray for it every night.

I’m finding it hard to write to you tonight after so many nights of trying to convince myself that it’s time to let go. For some reason I’m unable to do that. You have a hold on me that I’ve never been able to explain. It’s not just about the love I hold for you, but more the way we’re connected, maybe in some sort of spiritual way. Perhaps it’s your parents sending me reasons to always look out for you. I’d like to think that they’re watching you while I’m away, making sure you’re not biting your nails, or forgetting to eat.

I keep wondering if you’d want me to apologize. Would it make you feel like I didn’t want to be with you, or that I regretted it? For the record I don’t, and I never will. My heart will forever belong to you even if you don’t want it. I’ve come to realize that I have no control of that. It’s always been yours.

I wish I could scream across the ocean and let you know how much you mean to me. As I’m writing this, I know it’s unlikely you’ll ever see it. I can’t give up hope because it’s the only thing keeping me sane. The truth is that I need you. I’m losing myself over here, Kat. I feel like it’s ripping my soul away, day by day. This world we live in is so messed up. What keeps me strong is knowing that you’ll never have to see what I’ve experienced. It wouldn’t just break your heart. It would destroy your livelihood.

I’m going to keep writing you. It’s what lets me have hope. Someday we’ll meet again, and when that happens, I know I’ll never let you slip away. I’ll make you mine forever even if I have to put you over my shoulder and carry you all the way to Vegas.

Until then know I love you, with every part of me.

Brooks



My unit was called to do another ground sweeping that following month. We’d set out through a small village. Children were running around together as we delivered resources to the people that had survived the most recent attacks. I was carrying some bottled water into a house that could be compared to a shed back at home. Inside I found a small women sitting on a bed in the far corner. She was running a soiled rag across a child’s face. As soon as she saw me she stood up. Even with most of her face hidden behind fabric I could see that she’d been crying. It was obvious the child was sick. I sat down the carton and pulled out a fresh bottle of water, offering it to her. She snatched it up, rushing over to the child. While tilting his head upward she helped the boy take a few sips.