Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(39)

Since I refused to let anyone see me shaken up, I went over to check on Anderson after being debriefed. She was sitting up when I entered the facility. Her face was so filthy that it made her teeth glow when she saw me coming her way. “You forgot flowers,” she teased.

I stood over her bed, appreciated the humor after something so terrible. “How’s the leg?”

She shrugged. “I’m out of commission for a while. If I’m lucky, I’ll get to go home to recover. They’re going to operate to remove the bullet. It’s stuck in my bone.”

“Ouch.”

“Thanks for covering me out there, Valentine. I know they prepare us for that, but it’s…”

I cut her off. “I killed today.” It was like I needed to confess even though she’d been there to see it.

“Me too,” she sadly replied. “I don’t think I want to do this anymore. I don’t want to die.”

I sat down on the edge of the bed, shocking her. “Neither do I.”

I stared at the far wall, avoiding eye contact with the girl. It had been a long time since I’d interacted with someone of the opposite sex, and I was too messed up to act accordingly. “Thanks for coming by and checking on me. Maybe you could stop by tomorrow and check on me again. I’m bored already.”

I smiled while I stood up. “Yeah, maybe. Keep your chin up, soldier.”

When I left the room I thought about a lot of things, but mostly the fact that I was in another country, fighting for freedom, while Kat was busy hiding from everyone that cared about her. I needed reprieve even if it was an innocent conversation with someone. It sure beat pretending that my heart was made of steel when it was obvious it wasn’t.

The next day I visited Anderson. Due to the severity of her injury, her surgery was going to be done back in the states. She had one more night of hell before getting to go back home safely. “You’ve come twice now without flowers, Valentine. I’m starting to think I’m not your type.”

I shrugged and pulled a deck of cards from my pocket. “I thought you might like these better.”

She smiled and scooted over on the bed to make room for a game. “Hmm, you might be right. Good call.”

We started playing a simple game while the woman in her came out full force. “So, Valentine, what’s your first name?” She reached for my dog tags as I answered anyway. “Brooks.”

“I like that. It’s different. Where are you from?”

“Near D.C., you?”

“Utah.” She laughed. “I know, it’s not as exciting as being neighbors with the president.”

“I’m from the burbs. The city is about thirty minutes away. Traffic sucks, and taxes are higher.” I was attempting to keep her smiling. For the first time in months it brightened my mood.

“How come you transferred to our unit? It’s obvious you know Mullins.”

“We went through boot camp together. He’s one of my closest friends. I don’t know why I got transferred. I either didn’t do something right, or I accomplished more than I should have. Either way I haven’t got a clue. I didn’t know he’d become a ranger until he showed up.”

“I thought when I came here I could do some good. I knew it was bad, but this is like standing in front of a firing squad. I’ve never wanted to be back home so bad. This isn’t what I signed up for. I’m all about defending our country, but why are we even over here fighting? It’s like our country picks fight to keep the military active. I’m done with it. The sooner I get home the better. I don’t even care if people think I failed. I’m just done.”

“You’ll be a hero. You were shot in the line of duty. You were brave.” If she only knew my demons, then she’d think her problems were minimal.

“A hero doesn’t murder people, Brooks. That’s what I feel like I am. A murderer. I killed a child. How can I live with that?” She began to cry, making me reach out and hold her hand.

“I’m struggling too. It sucks. I’ve got to keep telling myself that it was the right decision even if they were forced to be those people. They were prepared to kill us. If we didn’t fight back we’d be in a wooden box right now.”

I started to pull away, but she tightened her hold. “Please don’t let go. It’s fine if you’re not interested in me romantically. I know that’s not what this is. I just don’t want to be alone, not tonight. I didn’t sleep at all last night, and I know tonight’s not going to be any different. Just stay a little while longer. Please, Brooks.”

When she said my first name it touched me. A little spark flashed as if to remind me that somewhere deep inside I still had a longing to feel connected to someone. I reassured her by squeezing her hand. “I’ll stay as long as you need me to.”

People came and went around us, but I remained on that small bed next to her. We held hands and talked about the previous day. She told me about her family, and how they hadn’t had money to send her to college. I talked about my parents, what it was like to be a teenager, but never mentioned being a twin, or Katy Michaels.

Before getting up to head to my bunk, Anderson leaned forward and pressed her lips against mine. It wasn’t sexual, but more about her being appreciative. “Thank you. I’ll never forget what you’ve done for me.”