Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(37)

“She left. We’d started going to counseling, but it was too much. She couldn’t handle talking about it. The more we sought out help the harder it got at home. One night she never came home. I got a call a week later that she’d met someone else; someone who didn’t remind her of our little girl. I figured it was just a stage in her recovery. I would have taken her back, Brooks. I get that she needed to cope differently than I did, but I was alone. I couldn’t even go into my bedroom without thinking of them. One night I ripped my mattress into the backyard and burned it. The neighbors called the fire department, and then the f*cking military cops showed up. Even though I knew I had a choice, they gave me a few options with how to make the problem go away.”

“Don’t tell me you came here on your own free will.”

“Okay, I won’t,” he laughed out.

“Trev, seriously, this ain’t the answer. It’s bad. It’s ugly. You wouldn’t believe the shit that I’ve seen.”

He put his hand on my shoulder and looked directly at me. “I have nowhere else to go, brother. I’ve got nothing. I can’t look at what’s left for another second. My parent’s can’t even speak to me without passing judgment for what’s happened. Amanda’s not coming back. She served me with papers three days before I shipped out. I’ve lost everything except for this.”

He’d never be able to understand how I could relate to his pain. Sure, I knew Kat was somewhere living her life, but she was alive.

Then it all hit me.

How did I know she was okay? Something could have happened while I was busy being stubborn.

I spent the rest of the afternoon transferring my things over to my new unit, happy to bunk with Trevor again. We never brought up his baby, or his pending divorce. I could tell he wanted to avoid it, just as much as I needed to do the same with my problems.



July 4th 2011



“Mom, it’s me.”

“Brooks? Is it really you?” I could hear her tears clearly as if she wasn’t on another continent.

“Yeah, don’t cry.”

“Just let me get your father. Hang on.” I could hear her calling out his name. Her excitement made all of my reservations about getting in touch with them go away.

My father picked up another line in the house and cleared his voice before answering. “Brooks?”

“Hi, dad.”

“We’ve been worried, son. Have you not been getting our letters?”

“I write once a week. Do you think we have the wrong address?” my mom asked.

It hurt to tell them the truth. “We’ve been away from the command center for a few months. I just got back,” I lied.

“Are you okay? Is it safe there?” She questioned. I couldn’t blame her. They watched way too much news to sweeten the conditions.

“I’m fine. How about you? Is everything okay at home?” I couldn’t say her name out loud, and I wasn’t about to ask how Branch was.

“It’s as good as can be expected. Your brother graduated. He’s still living in Salisbury.”

Why hadn’t they mentioned Kat? Immediately I began to worry about her. “I’m sorry for the mess I left.”

“We’re not angry at you, Brooks. You need to know that.”

“Still, my being there ruined everything.”

“It was for the best, son. Your brother has already started seeing someone new.”

I don’t know why this excited me. I was too far away to do anything about it, and they still hadn’t mentioned Kat. I wondered if they’d shut her out. Why else wouldn’t they let me know she was getting by? I decided to approach the situation like I was concerned for my brother. “It’s probably a rouse to get Kat back.” My sarcasm was obvious. If they knew me at all they’d be able to sense how annoyed I was to bring it up.

“Brooks, Katy’s gone. She left the day of the wedding and we haven’t heard from her.”

“What? Where did she go?” I started wondering where someone, with little family, could run to. “Did she go to England?”

“We really don’t know,” my father answered. “She turned off her phone and emptied her accounts. We hired someone to look for her. She used her credit cards the day she left, but never again. We pray for her, Brooks. We don’t blame her for what happened. We just want her to come home.”

“I need to go,” I said abruptly. I couldn’t stay on the phone with them when all I wanted to do was get on a plane and find her. I was desperate to know if she was okay.

“Please keep it touch, Brooks. We worry about you. Write us. Find some way to let us know you’re okay.” My mom was trying to keep me on the phone longer, but our chat was over. In some ways it had been a mistake.

“We love you,” my dad cut her off.

“I love you too. Goodbye.”

That night I waited in line to use a laptop with a satellite internet signal. I searched for her, on every social media site possible, with no result. My parents were right. She’d dropped off the face of the earth, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it, especially being so far away.





Chapter 19


July 5th, 2011

Kat’s out there somewhere, all alone, and it’s killing me inside, just like the moment I knew she’d left me in that hotel room. I would have followed her anywhere. All she had to do was ask me to be a part of her life. Since she hadn’t given me that option I’m stuck wondering if she ever loved me the way I clearly love her. I don’t know why I’m writing in this damn journal.