Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(32)

“Brooks, maybe you should just go,” my mother suggested, while she sobbed against my father’s shirt. “You can’t be here when everyone finds out. Just go find Katy. We can all talk about it tonight at the house.” The fact that she was asking me to find Kat struck me as peculiar. Why wasn’t Branch designated to locate her?

I nodded, refusing to look at my brother as I turned with intentions of checking the roof. She had to be up there, hiding until she knew everyone was gone. What she didn’t realize was that my parents loved her too. Even without a marriage certificate, she’d always be family. They wouldn’t push her away for making a mistake, or realizing the truth before it was too late. Sure, they’d be angry, and hurt, but they were forgiving people, and I was their son too. Even if Branch was hurting, they’d want to make sure to help us find resolution.

I think I’d built up the possibility of walking out onto that roof and seeing her there. I thought about what I would say, and how long it would take me to pull her into my welcoming arms. I prepared to tell her we’d be okay, and I’d find a way to make my trip to Afghanistan as short as possible, just so I could get back to her. I wanted her to know that this was going to be a new beginning for the both of us. We could make it work because our love had stood the test of time.

Except Kat wasn’t on the roof. I checked every corner, calling out her name to have it echo off the neighboring buildings. She was nowhere in sight. Just as I’d feared when she’d left my room, Kat was gone. Kat had run from the pain, and the truth. She’d ripped me apart, leaving me to face the facts that I wasn’t worth the fight. Love wasn’t enough for Kat to want to be with me and that alone shattered me.



By the time I made it back to my room I’d busted my fists, cried until my throat was numb, and lost all sense of reality. I’d tried to call her, getting the voicemail every single time. Nothing mattered. For the longest time, I peered over the edge of the building, wondering if my demise would take away the pain. I couldn’t handle being without her, wondering where she was, or the fact that she didn’t want me.

On the floor was an envelope addressed to my name with my room number. I picked it up and pulled out a letter, recognizing the handwriting immediately.



Dear Brooks,

This letter means that I broke my promise to you. I had to walk away from this before I had to look them all in the eye and admit what I’ve done. I couldn’t stay and face the consequences. I know I’m a coward and that a part of you will never forgive me for this.

Not only have I destroyed the bond that you and your brother once shared, but I’ve disrespected your parents and all the generosity that they’ve given me for so many years.

This letter isn’t something that my heart takes lightly. I know what I’m giving up, and it hurts more now knowing how absolutely perfect it felt to be in your arms and feel your love radiating through me.

I will cherish the night we spent together and remember it every day for the rest of my life.

Please don’t look for me. I’ve decided to finally go out and make my own decisions for once. I want to move forward and start fresh where I won’t be judged for loving you. Just know that no matter where I end up, you will always have a piece of me.

Some people say that love never dies. If that’s true then I hope you can forgive me for walking away from it. I know I’ll never be able to forgive myself for this.

I would do anything to take back the last few years and be with you, instead. If I had known what I know now, there would never have been a question as to who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. It’s always been you, Brooks. I’ve known that I loved you since our first kiss. Maybe even before it. Denying it will always be my biggest regret. I know what we could have had together, and it kills me inside.

This is my goodbye. It will be the last time you ever hear from me again. Please tell your family that I’m sorry for what I’ve done. I hope in time they can forgive you. After all, you’re the son they should be praising, not your brother. In fact, you’re the most brave, beautiful man I’ve ever known. Don’t let my actions change that.

I’m sorry and I love you,

Katy



It only took me seconds to pack up my things and take a cab to the airport. I couldn’t say goodbye to anyone, because I didn’t know if I’d ever be returning, not when there was nothing left for me.





Chapter 16


Loving her was effortless, but trying to forget about how much she’d destroyed me was impossible. Time slipped away from me, and before I could make sense of anything, I was on my way to Afghanistan to experience another kind of heartache.

I was fixated on my demise, determined that it was better than suffering. It wasn’t courage leading me to danger, it was stupidity. I’d given up hope, not just with being happy, but with being forgiven. At this point in my life I didn’t care what killed me. Inside I was already dead, dwelling in an empty shell of pain. I forgot how to laugh. I even kept to myself, not letting my friends know what had happened to change me so quickly. Nothing they said could bring her back into my life. Her kiss goodbye was meant to be forever. I knew it then and still did. Silence wasn’t just my answer. It was my enemy. Kat may not have meant it, but she’d killed me that morning. She’d taken away my ability to be optimistic, to have hope, and to strive for a better life. I simply didn’t care.