Love Survives (Love's Suicide #2)(27)

I rubbed my hands on my knees to keep warm, wondering if she really thought I’d hook up with her friend so easily. I assume that years of flaunting slutty girls around to get her attention had backfired. She obviously considered me a player. “You would assume that. Look, I never said I wanted to sleep with her. I told her that maybe we could hang out. Honestly, I figured she’d get so drunk that she’d pass out and forget I said it.”

“So where is she?”

“I don’t know. She showed up and knocked and I thought it was you. When I saw her standing there, talking about how much of a mess you were, I told her to get lost; in a nice way, of course.”

“She’s probably looking for me.”

“She thinks you ran to Branch to make amends because you have that motto where you never go to bed angry.”

She shrugged like she didn’t know what I was talking about. “Yeah, I don’t really care about that anymore. In fact, I don’t really care about anything anymore.”

Kat put her head between her knees. I wasn’t sure if it was to increase her body heat, or hide me from seeing her expressions.

“You look like shit.” I wanted her to smile at me, not turn the other way.

“Thanks. I appreciate that.”

“No, I mean I’ve never seen you look so upset. Is it because of me? I didn’t mean to be so harsh with you. I just couldn’t let things happen between us. You understand, right?”

She shrugged, also avoiding eye contact. “Yeah, I know.”

“Branch will make you happy.” I hated saying that. I didn’t even know why I had. Helping her makeup with my brother was the last thing I wanted.

“You don’t know that.”

“Yeah, I do. It’s his life’s mission to love you more than I do. So I figure that as long as I still love you, he’ll worship the ground you walk on.”

This time I had her attention, and she wasn’t even blinking. “You just admitted that you still loved me.”

I reached for her hand, hoping, pleading, that she wouldn’t pull away. “I will never stop loving you, Kat. For as long as I am breathing I will love you with everything I have in me, not because I hope someday to have you, but because nothing could ever make me stop, even you marrying my brother.”

“You know, you have everyone fooled. They all think you’re the son that they could never count on. It turns out that you’re the most beautiful soul they’ve ever known.”

We sat there looking at each other for couple seconds, not saying anything.

I expected her to tell to me leave, but it hadn’t happened so far. “Don’t go calling me a saint just yet. I’ve been reconsidering that kiss since I let you walk away earlier.”

Each word that came out of my mouth was like a test. I wanted her to push me away; to tell me that us being alone was all wrong. It was important that I keep my guard up. At any time someone could walk out and find us in this compromising situation. They’d see the truth immediately because it was written on both of our faces.

“Please don’t hate me for saying this. I’m probably already going to Hell anyway. The thing is, I’m not married to your brother, not yet at least. If I had one wish in the world, besides seeing my parents one more time, I know what it would be.”

I smiled, but only because she was insane if she thought it was a good idea. “We can’t, Kat.”

I hated seeing her react like she was disappointed. I understood how mixed feelings and distance had made our time together so intense, but I wasn’t sure if I was willing to let myself fall, not here, not now. “We shouldn’t,” she whispered as she inched toward me.

“It’s wrong on so many levels.” This was impossible to resist. I needed this to happen as much as I needed air to breathe.

“We should probably call it a night then.” Her lips were right there. I could feel her words as they came out of her mouth. This was going to happen, and I wasn’t going to be able to stop things once it did.

I inched closer until I felt her soft skin grazing over mine. “Yeah, we should.” I couldn’t back away, or stop myself. I wasn’t going to restrain, because not only did I need this to happen, but I’d wished for this my whole life.

“It’s just one kiss, Brooks,” she whispered against my mouth.

The insatiable desire I had for her was overwhelming. I’d been with other women, but just a kiss from Kat opened up senses I never knew how to control. She consumed me, so much that I craved more. This wasn’t going to end well, and I was done caring. As our tongues played together, the vicious truth was apparent. I needed to make her mine even if we had to drive away from the hotel and never look back again.

It was impossible to stop once we’d gotten started. I didn’t have an urge to continue; it was a necessity. The fact that she wasn’t pushing me away was enough incentive to press on. This woman, who I’d clearly loved my whole life, was finally letting me in. I realize at this point we were only making out, but something told me it wasn’t going to end there.

I nuzzled my nose on the inside of her neck, savoring the way her soft skin smelled. My tongue drug over it, lapping up the salty flavor while the vibration of her first moans sent me into a frenzy.

I picked her up and made sure she was then on my lap, where I could be more in control. The way I was touching her, the feel of her body against my palms, there was no way ever to be able to describe it as being anything other than perfect.