Undone(85)
‘Rape me?’ I don’t know where this calm person has come from, but she’s speaking for me while I cower somewhere deep inside. This person is starting to scare me.
‘I would never do something like that! Jesus!’ He stalks up and down some more, swigs some more whisky from the bottle. The others seem to be waiting to see how this plays out. I’m wondering whether it would be a bad idea to ask for some whisky. Probably.
Stu takes a deep breath, clearly trying to calm himself. ‘Look, just because it happened to you … before … I’m sorry about that, I really am. But that doesn’t mean any guy who wants to f*ck you is a potential rapist, OK?’
Sasha’s eyes go even wider, if that’s possible, and Lucas flinches. ‘What’s he talking about, Jem? I don’t understand.’ His voice is gentle.
Stu laughs bitterly. ‘I’m talking about the night your girlfriend pounced on me at Max’s party and then changed her mind about shagging me.’
Lucas jumps to his feet and I swear he’s about to deck Stu. Bugs holds him back, his brute strength coming in handy. ‘You shut the f*ck up. Let her speak.’ Even now, Lucas is willing to defend me. Willing to think the best of me despite mounting evidence to the contrary.
I get to my feet. It’s nearly time to go.
Sasha stands too, takes hold of my arm and says quietly, ‘Did someone rape you? Is that what this is all about?’
I laugh, and I honestly can’t tell if it’s a real laugh or one I conjured up to piss Stu off even more. ‘No! Nobody raped me.’
Stu’s shaking his head now, utterly disbelieving. ‘But you told me … What kind of f*cked-up person would lie about something like that?! Louise was right – you’re f*cking crazy, aren’t you?’ He gets right up close to me now, his sneering face centimetres from mine, as if we’re about to kiss. ‘You’re not going to get away with this.’ He spits out the words and a fine spray of saliva hits my lips. Lucas muscles his way in between us and shoves Stu away from me.
Stu doubles over in pain, struggling to breathe. He even drops the whisky bottle. Bugs puts a hand on his shoulder. ‘Dude, are you OK? What’s the matter?’
After a few seconds of panting, he straightens up slowly, painfully. ‘You really want to know? Fine. Fuck it.’ He moves closer to the fire and pulls up his hoodie, revealing his perfect abs. And a big reddish purple mark under his pecs.
Everyone apart from me winces at the sight. ‘What happened?’ Bugs asks.
Stu’s smiling now, looking even more menacing as he turns to me. ‘Well, Jem, turns out I didn’t get hurt at tae kwon do last night. Turns out my bastard stepfather beat the crap out of me because he thinks I’m some kind of sex offender. Told my mum he wanted to “teach the little f*cker a lesson he won’t forget”. Said he’d be surprised if I went anywhere near another girl after the beating he was going to give me. Mum didn’t even try to stop him. She never does. And I didn’t fight back. I tried that once before and he started on my little brother. Better he uses me as a punchbag than Danny.’ He sniffs and wipes his nose on his sleeve.
Bugs says, ‘Shit. Why didn’t you say anything, mate?’
Stu shrugs. ‘It’s nothing I can’t handle. It’s not like he does it every week or anything. And it’s usually only when he’s hammered. Not this time though – he was sober as a f*cking judge. Broke a couple of ribs, I’m pretty sure. All because this little bitch decided to get creative with a f*cking marker pen.’
Lucas isn’t standing quite so close to me any more. I didn’t notice him moving away, but he’s closer to Stu now. The unwavering loyalty has started to waver.
Sasha’s still close to me though and there are tears running down her face. It’s all too much for her drunk brain to cope with. She takes a deep breath and rakes her fingers through her hair, trying to massage some thoughts into her brain. ‘Right … this is all completely f*cked up. We should talk about this tomorrow when everyone’s calmed down.’
‘No. I think we should talk about this now actually.’ I walk towards Stu and now I’m the one getting in his face. His breath is vile. ‘You deserved everything you got, you f*cking low-life prick. So what if you haven’t actually raped anyone? It was only a matter of time. Why do you think someone kept writing it again every time the caretaker cleaned it off? Clearly I’m not the only one who knows what you’re like. Knows that you’re a sleazy, disgusting sexual predator …’ I don’t know where these words are coming from, but they’re spilling out of me. I know I should stop. I know I’m going too far, but I can’t help myself. I’m smiling as I say the next words. ‘And you know what? Your stepfather had the right idea. I only wish he’d kicked a little harder, maybe punctured a lung.’
This is what does it. This is what makes him snap. He shoves me, hard. And I stumble backwards, not quite losing my balance. I smile again. ‘See? Using physical violence against a poor, defenceless girl? You’re pathetic …’ I’m just about to say something about Kai, about Stu as good as killing my best friend. But I don’t get a chance, because he rushes at me. And I know in that second that he’s capable of doing some real damage. That he’s so full of rage and hurt that he won’t stop. I think he wants me dead. And that would be fine with me.