Undone(89)

Lucas leans his elbows on the table and puts his head in his hands. The only sound in the canteen is the doctor giggling flirtatiously. Eventually Lucas looks up at me, and I know exactly what’s just occurred to him. ‘You never really liked me, did you? So why did you … ?

There’s no point in lying any more. ‘It was part of the Plan.’

‘You’re kidding, right?’ The look on my face makes it painfully clear that I’m not. ‘Jesus f*cking Christ.’ He sniffs and continues. ‘I’ve got to hand it to you, Jem. You did a pretty stellar job. Bugs, Stu, me … you really knew how to hit us where it hurts, didn’t you? Shame you hurt the wrong people though, isn’t it? Shame Sasha’s going to be scarred for life because you couldn’t be bothered to find out the truth before you went off on some mad revenge kick. I mean, who does that?’

And I think there’s a real chance he might be telling the truth. Maybe it wasn’t them. Maybe Jon was wrong after all. Maybe Bugs and Lucas were just messing around that night. Maybe Stu was so intent on his phone because he’d been nutted by a girl.

My brain can’t compute, can’t wrap itself around the idea that I’ve been wrong – so f*cking wrong – all this time. It can’t possibly be true … can it? But I look at Lucas’s face and I know that he would never do something like that. I know it with absolute certainty and it’s hard to believe that I didn’t see it before. I fell in love with him, for God’s sake. That would never have happened if I’d really truly believed he’d done that to Kai. Would it?

I struggle to find some words. ‘I … I’m sorry, Lucas. I was so sure. I needed someone to pay for it. You have to understand, I miss him so much.’ I had no intention of crying, but the tears come anyway. My hand is so close to his on the table. I want to reach out to him so badly but I’m afraid of what he’ll do.

‘Of course you miss him. It’s OK to miss him. But what you did …’ He exhales slowly, painfully almost. ‘Who told you it was us?’

‘It doesn’t matter.’

‘Like f*ck it doesn’t matter!’

‘It was a note. An anonymous note.’

‘And you believed it? Just like that? Without even bothering to … Jesus.’

I’m confused and upset and tired beyond belief, but I can’t let this go. ‘Who do you think did it then? You must have known most of the people at the party, right? I only knew a couple of people … You probably didn’t even realize I was there before tonight, did you?’ There’s a bitter note to my voice that I don’t even bother to disguise.

What he says next comes as a complete surprise. ‘I knew you were there. I saw Stu follow you to the end of the garden.’

‘You … you knew about that?’

He shrugs, maybe a little embarrassed. ‘I had a pretty good idea what you two were up to.’

‘And you never said anything?!’ Lucas shoots me this look that shuts me right up.

‘I knew a lot of people at the party, I guess. But no one who would do something like that. I mean, us lot talked about it afterwards … obviously. Max wasn’t exactly happy that it had all … um … gone down in his room.’

‘And nobody saw anything?’ I shouldn’t be obsessing about this now. I know Sasha is what I should be thinking about. But I’m running out of time.

I ask Lucas if there’s anything he can think of – anything at all – that might help me work out who did it. And for some reason he doesn’t tell me to f*ck off. I push him to try to remember if he saw anyone looking shifty.

‘I was pretty wasted, to be honest. I remember me and Sasha looking for somewhere to … go. Max didn’t want anyone upstairs, but I figured he’d make an exception. The only person we saw was Louise. She was sitting in the hallway looking about as wrecked as I felt. She pointed us in the direction of Max’s folks’ room. And we … er … yeah.’

The only person they saw was Louise.

Louise.





chapter fifty-four


I go back to the bridge. I have a couple of hours to kill and I can’t stand the thought of going home. Mum would put her arms around me and make me drink tea from my favourite mug. I can’t face her. Not yet.

Bugs interrupted us in the cafeteria, right after the Louise revelation. It was obvious that Lucas had no idea what he’d said. He didn’t think for a minute that it could have been her, and I wanted to keep it that way. For now at least.

Bugs completely blanked me, asked Lucas if he wanted a lift home with him and his dad. Lucas asked if I could come too, and Bugs looked at him as if he was crazy. Before he had a chance to reply I said Mum was coming to pick me up, so there was really no need.

Bugs said he’d wait for Lucas in the car and was just about to leave when I asked him if he’d managed to get in touch with Max and Louise. For a second there I thought he wouldn’t answer, but he said they were at Max’s house. He’d been keeping them up to date on Sasha’s condition. He addressed Lucas rather than me. I couldn’t exactly blame him. I wanted to say something; I wanted to apologize. But I didn’t.

I hadn’t noticed that Lucas and I were now the only ones left in the cafeteria. He pushed back his chair and it made an ugly screeching sound on the green lino. ‘I … I’ll see you around, I guess.’ He gripped the back of the chair and I wondered if it was to stop himself reaching out to me. Probably not. More likely he was so tired he could barely stand up straight.