Undone(92)

She licks some peanut butter from her thumb and smiles. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘How could you do it? Just answer me that and I’ll go. And I’m not going to tell anyone, if that’s what you’re wondering. Kai wouldn’t want everyone knowing that his own sister would betray him like that. So – tell me how you could do something like that to your brother, and I’ll leave you in peace.’

Silence stretches right out to the corners of the room. I’m looking at Louise, and I’m pretty sure Max is too. Louise is looking at me, cool as you like, utterly unfazed by this turn of events. ‘How could I do what?’ She’s not smiling any more.

‘You really want me to say it? Fine. How could you film Kai and email it to people?’ Another thought occurs to me. ‘Did he know it was you?’

I glance at Max, expecting him to say something. He’s fiddling with the corner of the rug again.

‘What makes you think it was me?’ Louise licks her lips. They look cracked and dry. She glances towards the door, then the window, like she’s looking for an escape route. Then she shakes her head and I can see the facade crumbling before my eyes. ‘I didn’t mean to do it.’ She sounds like a child.

I take a couple of steps towards her because I want to hurt her. I really, really want to make her feel pain. She doesn’t move, doesn’t even look bothered, maybe because she thinks she deserves it. Or maybe she knows that I’m not actually going to touch her. I stand there and wait her out.

‘Look … I made a mistake, OK? A really terrible, really f*cking big mistake. And nothing you can say or do will make me feel any worse about it than I already do, so don’t even bother. And no, he didn’t know who did it.’ She crosses her arms defensively; she looks small, weak almost. It’s some consolation, I suppose. That he didn’t know his sister had ruined his life.

‘I don’t understand how you could have … You must have known it would destroy him.’

A flicker of fire returns to her eyes. ‘Did you think he was going to jump off a bridge?’ The words make me flinch, but I say nothing. ‘No. Of course you didn’t. Because you wouldn’t have left his side for a second if you thought there was even the slightest chance.’

She’s right about that. It never crossed my mind – not a glimmer of a hint of a possibility. It’s hardly the point though, is it? She knew he would be devastated. She knew it would make his life a misery.

Louise takes my silence for agreement. ‘Thought not. Now, if you don’t mind, we’ve got things to do …’ She stands up to usher me out of the room.

The ‘we’ reminds me that Max is still here, no matter how hard he tries to blend into the background. I look at him. ‘Aren’t you going to say something?’

He looks up at me and shakes his head. There’s something there though – a look in his eyes that’s hard to place. ‘Doesn’t this bother you?’ And then I realize that I might not know what the look means, but I know what it doesn’t mean. It doesn’t mean surprise. ‘What the … ? Fuck. You knew, didn’t you? You knew it was her and you didn’t say anything. Wow. That’s a whole new level of spineless I never knew existed. You’re as bad as your sleazy brother – worse in fact.’ Max clenches his jaw but still says nothing. ‘You do realize that she made me think it was Stu and the others? She’s the reason I wrote the graffiti. She’s the reason I went out with Lucas. It’s all her fault.’ Not true. Not even close.

Louise gets right in my face now. ‘I think you should leave. Now.’ We’re exactly the same height because she’s barefoot. She looks even worse up close – tired and haggard and haunted. But her eyes look so much like Kai’s that for a second it’s hard to breathe.

‘Actually, Louise, while we’re on the subject, why did you blame them? I thought they were supposed to be your friends? Or is that what passes for loyalty with your lot?’

I think she’s going to lie or fob me off, so it’s surprising when she says, ‘They deserved it. They’ve never been my friends. Lucas barely even noticed I existed before I started going out with Max, and Bugs was the same – fawning over Sasha like she’s something special. And Stu … he’s a f*cking animal and you know it. Thought he could have me on tap whenever he wanted me, then chuck me aside as soon as someone new caught his eye. I showed him.’ She’s almost smirking.

Another light bulb flashes in my brain. She was the one who kept writing the graffiti. I shake my head in disbelief. I know I haven’t liked her in years, but I had no idea she’d turned into someone so bitter. So hard and cold. And without even realizing, I’ve been following in Louise’s footsteps, faking my way into Team Popular, pretending to like people I despise.

I back up a little because she’s still right in my face, but she takes another step towards me. Like we’re locked together in some hideous dance. Max is finally getting to his feet, hopefully to make sure Louise doesn’t do anything crazy. But he just picks up his laptop and puts it carefully in its case. I want to grab the f*cking thing and throw it out the window.

Louise reaches out suddenly and I flinch before I realize she’s just opening the door. It’s not like I thought she was going to hit me or anything. ‘I don’t know how you can live with yourself. Kai was ten times the person you’ll ever be, you know that, don’t you?’ Even knowing everything she’s done, I feel a twinge of guilt as my words hang in the air.