Undone(83)

The second surprise is that the clearing’s almost empty. There are just six people left. Luckily three of those people happen to be the ones I’m after.

Lucas is standing close to the fire. Stu is sitting against a tree, swigging from a half-empty bottle of whisky. Bugs still has his arm around Sasha. Her head rests on his shoulder and her eyes are closed. I hope she’s not asleep; I wouldn’t want her to miss this. Max is rummaging through the sole remaining cool box for a drink and Louise is watching him. She’s always watching him.

I wander over towards the fire. The flames are different now – paler than before. The heat seems fiercer than it was when we left. ‘Where did everybody go?!’

Bugs looks up, careful not to dislodge Sasha’s head from his shoulder. ‘Amber had a sudden desire to strut her stuff on a real dance floor so she led everyone off like the bloody Pied Piper of Espionage. No prizes for guessing what you were up to. Lukey boy certainly came back with a spring in his step.’ Lucas shoots him a look. Maybe he really does think he has to protect my honour or something. Bugs just laughs. ‘Mate, don’t look at me like that. If you’re gonna get laid as often as this, you have to at least let me take the piss once in a while. It’s all I’ve got, man.’ I’m tempted to point out that he now has Sasha’s drool on his jacket, but I don’t.

I saunter over to the now depleted pile of bags where the stereo was earlier. I hadn’t noticed the silence until now. It’s a peaceful, sleepy kind of silence. And I’m about to shatter it.

I grab my bag and go sit by the fire.

We sit there chatting quietly for a few minutes. Except I’m not really involved in the chatting. Mostly I’m thinking, Am I really going to do this? Really? Maybe in a minute or two. Lucas is on my left-hand side, Max on my right. Stu’s the only one not really part of our little fireside circle – for now. He’s perfected the art of looking mean and moody over there; he’ll be meaner and moodier in a matter of minutes. Sasha stirs from her sleep when Bugs accidentally laughs a little too loudly. She yawns and stretches and asks where everybody went. Bugs calls her Sleeping Beauty and she smiles sweetly.

Lucas keeps glancing my way and smiling, like we share a special secret. I look away each time, almost like I’m trying to warn him about what’s coming. Like I want him to know that everything’s not OK, so that it’s not so much of a shock. It doesn’t seem to work though, because he keeps smiling goofily. This isn’t going to be pretty.

No more stalling. I start to speak, but my mouth is so dry I have to clear my throat and start again. Maybe I should have another drink and then do it. But then Bugs says, ‘You all right there, Halliday?’

‘Um. Yeah. I … I’ve got something for you. It’s just …’ I take one of the wrapped packages from my bag and lean over to hand it to Bugs.

He looks thoroughly baffled; the others do too. Bugs laughs – a little awkwardly, I think. ‘I knew it! I knew you were just biding your time with Mahoney until you could get your hands on a real man. What’s this? A scrapbook for us to fill with happy memories of our wonderful future life as Mr and Mrs Bugs? Really, you shouldn’t have!’

Lucas pouts. ‘I’m not sure how I feel about this.’

Bugs shakes his head and looks at Lucas with faux sympathy. ‘Dude, you’re just going to accept that the better man won. I’m sure you’ll get over it, in time.’

I clear my throat again. I could seriously do with some water. Or vodka. ‘Don’t worry, I’ve got something for you too. And Stu.’ I hold out two more wrapped parcels. Stu looks over and it’s clear that he couldn’t be less interested in what’s going on. Still, he pulls himself upright and sort of staggers over. He doesn’t sit down though – just stands over me, swaying ever so slightly. He doesn’t say anything, just holds out his hand for the ‘present’. I hand the other parcel to Lucas without looking at him.

Bugs looks even more puzzled than before. ‘So I have rivals for your affections, huh? Should we open our presents at the same time, or would you like one of us to go first?’

I shrug, unsmiling. ‘Whatever.’

Bugs and Stu start to unwrap their parcels. The only sound is the tearing of paper and the crackling of the fire. Bugs gets into his first; Stu’s dexterity has clearly been hindered by the booze. I still don’t look at Lucas.

‘Is this supposed to be funny?’ Bugs doesn’t look impressed, but he’s not majorly pissed off or anything.

Stu looks over to see the magazine in Bugs’s hands and he cracks a smile. ‘Ah, Jem knows you so well! Maybe we should all leave you to have some alone time with those hot, hung homos?’

Bugs gives Stu a withering look, turns to me and says, ‘Forgive me if I seem ungrateful, but there’s really only one thing to be done with this.’ He chucks the magazine onto the fire. The flames lick around the edges for a second or two and everyone watches as the ridiculously buff guy on the front cover blackens and turns to ash.

I can feel everyone looking at me, but my attention is focused on Stu, who’s finally managed to get his fingers to work properly.

There’s no confusion on his face. He knows. I don’t know how his alcohol-addled mind worked it out so quickly, but it’s plain as anything that he knows. He just stares at me and I stare back. I’m not afraid any more and I’m not sure why.