Undone(81)

I’m three beers down when Lucas asks me to dance. I shrug off the blanket and he pulls me to my feet. I normally avoid dancing at all costs, but the music is half decent for the first time all night, and I can’t think of a good reason to say no. Amber and Sebastian are kissing up against a tree on the other side of the clearing. At least, I hope that’s all they’re doing.

Lucas holds me close as we dance. It’s not so much dancing as shuffling from side to side, but it’s the first time we’ve ever danced together. It’s a nice thing to do. I wish I’d had a chance to do it more, maybe in some fancy ballroom with twinkly fairy lights and velvet curtains. I close my eyes and listen to the music and imagine Kai’s arms wrapped around me. He was about the same height as Lucas, a little slimmer though. We would have danced together at the leavers’ ball for sure. Except that wouldn’t have been in some fancy ballroom. It’s always held in the school gym, as if a few pink helium balloons are enough to distract everyone from the smell of boy-sweat.

‘Mind if I cut in?’ Sasha, slurring her words a bit. Lucas looks annoyed, but says nothing.

I step back. ‘He’s all yours.’

Sasha snorts. ‘I don’t want to dance with him, doofus. Been there, done that. I want to dance with you.’

‘Oh. Right.’ Lucas and I exchange a puzzled look, but we both know better than to argue with Sasha.

‘Don’t mind me,’ he says in a tone that makes it quite clear that he certainly minds.

‘Off you go now,’ Sasha shoos him away then puts her arms around me and starts to sway. I think the swaying must be down to the amount of alcohol she’s consumed, because it’s definitely not in time with the music.

‘Boys are rubbish.’ She sticks out her bottom lip and I think I’m supposed to find it endearing.

‘Awww, did Corey or whatever his name is not live up to expectations?’

‘You could say that. There was nothing up about him, if you know what I’m saying.’

‘Oh. Oh.’

‘I was better off with Lucas. He never had any problems in that department … There’s no need to look at me like that! I don’t want him back, if that’s what you’re worried about. Besides, I don’t think I could get him back even if I wanted to. Which I don’t. He’s totally into you … anyone can see that. The way he looks at you when you’re not even looking at him. That boy is one smitten kitten, I’ll tell you that for nothing.’

‘You are completely hammered, aren’t you? No more booze for you tonight, OK? We should get you some water.’

‘You think this is drunk? This isn’t drunk! I’ve been waaaaaay drunkerer. Just ask anyone!’ She rests her head on my shoulder. Some of the others are watching us; Bugs gives me a sympathetic wave. ‘I’m so glad we’re friends, Jem. Just think … if I hadn’t been bawling my eyes out in the toilets that day, we might never have even talked. Thank God for PMS, eh?’

I let her ramble on some more, all the while slowly manoeuvring us towards the others. I sit her down next to Bugs, ask around until I finally get my hands on a bottle of water (a quick sniff to make sure it’s not vodka), and hand it to Sasha with the strict instruction that she drink the lot. Bugs assures me he’ll look after her. He slings his arm around her shoulder and she snuggles into the crook of his arm; the delight on his face couldn’t be any more obvious. She hasn’t been near him since the gay rumours started, so he’s definitely going to make the most of this opportunity.

There’s no room left on any of the logs so Lucas kindly offers me his lap to sit on. I whisper, ‘Sorry about that. She’s pretty wasted.’

He wraps his arms around me. ‘I hate it when she’s like that. And her timing sucks.’

‘Why? Were you about to go all Dirty Dancing on me?’

He laughs and I like the feeling of his breath on my neck. ‘Yup. Nobody puts Jem in a corner.’

I nudge him in the ribs. ‘Wow. You can quote it and everything. Impressive.’

‘If you tell anyone, I’ll never forgive you … but yeah, I might have seen the film once or twice. Or thirteen times. That’s what comes from being raised in a household full of women. At least … that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.’

‘Your secret’s safe with me. I solemnly swear I won’t tell Stu and Bugs the first chance I get.’ I lean back into him and stare into the fire. For a minute or so I forget what I’m going to do. I honestly forget. Too busy getting caught up in how good it feels to sit here with him.

I’m about to say something when he whispers in my ear. ‘Can we go somewhere … to talk?’

This is perfect. ‘Can’t we talk here?’ I’m not going to make it easy for him.

‘Um … this is the kind of talking that’s really better done in private.’

‘Fine. Let’s go somewhere private and talk. Let me just grab a blanket. Blankets are always useful whenever talking’s involved, I find.’





chapter fifty


We walk hand in hand through the woods like Hansel and Gretel. I lead us towards the river, retracing my earlier steps. I lay the blanket down on the ground and we sit.

The sitting progresses to lying pretty quickly, mostly because I push Lucas down onto his back and straddle him. I’m fully aware that this is the very last time this is going to happen; I intend to make the most of it. I kiss him like there’s no tomorrow, which is apt because there are very few tomorrows left. It doesn’t seem right that Lucas Mahoney is the first, last and only boy I’ve ever had sex with. The only consolation is that he’s pretty good at it. And at least I won’t die a virgin.