Happily Ever Awkward (The H.E.A. Files, #1)(26)

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He had never felt sweat on his upper lip before.



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He had never known such mind-numbing fear!



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Princess Luscious could finally bear no more and turned away from him with a bittersweet glimmer of Smile Number 12, the one she reserved for the losing knights in jousting tournaments, the one that said, Well, you tried your best, didn’t you.

Seeboth could feel her disappointment.

He could feel his own disappointment even more.

Weren’t love and romance supposed to be pleasurable? He was having a very hard time seeing the appeal.

On either side of the ship, the spires of the sunken city glided past, flicking their tongues of emerald flame into the night sky. Princess Luscious gave an involuntary giggle and spread her arms.

“I feel like a bird flying over the city,” she said.

“Flying? You wish to fly?” Seeboth said. He realized he’d said it too eagerly, but he didn’t care. He was thankful for any opportunity to say or do anything she might enjoy.

He gestured, this time using the magic in several of his fingers, and shadowy wings blistered from the sides of the ship. They unfurled, spreading an even deeper shade of night overhead, and with one massive flap, the Shadowship surged from the water.

Princess Luscious squealed with glee. Without thinking, Smile Number 33 lit up her face. Number 33 was the one smile she had no control over, for it was her true smile, the truest smile of all, the smile of pure joy. It surged out of her, and the sight of it washed away all of Seeboth’s doubts.

She hugged him as they soared into the clouds. The dark wizard hesitantly wrapped an arm around her. Their eyes met. Her cheeks flushed.

“What else can you do?” she asked quietly.

And with that, all of Seeboth’s doubts came rushing back in one massive panic attack. He took a step back and shoved Princess Luscious to Demog, who had seemingly appeared out of nowhere as if he knew things were about to turn sour.

“Demog! Lock her up!” Seeboth said as he sought to compose himself. “We… we’ve wasted enough time on woo! Turn the ship around and make haste to Treasury Island! Do it now!”

With a nearly imperceptible shake of his head, Demog escorted the confused princess below deck. As soon as she was out of sight, Seeboth’s stern facade crumbled. He scooped up one of the puppies.

“It’s working, Septic. It’s working!”

He began to waltz around the deck, the memory of Smile Number 33 still burning bright behind his wicked eyes.





19



SO YOU WANNA BE A PRINCE CHARMING


The Sargasso Sphinx sailed through an empty sea toward the nub of an island upon the horizon. This far out, there was not a bridge to be seen. Here the Empire of Bridges was a distant memory.

Below deck, what sounded like monks chanting a driving, Gothic riff could be heard. Chimes and pulsing strings combined to underscore the infectious beat. Flexing its enchanted vocal chords, the Singing Sword began to sing.



So you want to be a Prince Charming, I’m just saying,

That’s quite alarming.

The Dragon slaying,

And danger braving,

And, of course, the princess saving.

It’s such a complicated mess,

To save a damsel in distress,

But I know you’ll try your best, So that once upon a day,

Your name can be followed by an H.E.A.



SLASH!

The Singing Sword sliced the air, momentarily interrupting its tight verse structure. As Paul reoriented himself and continued to practice several elaborate moves, the Sword continued its song.



When you were just a little prince Playing with a wooden sword,

Remember how much fun it was

To go and save the world?

Fighting bandits in the sandbox, Dueling wizards in the gardens, No pain,

No horror,

Just wearing shining armor,

No terrors,

No failures,

Just winning peasants’ praises, Then home in time for dinner

After saving all the maidens…



Laura descended the stairs and took up a position in the shadows where she could watch. Paul didn’t notice her, too focused was he on his technique, but Laura couldn’t help but notice him. Wielding his sword, sweat on his brow, intensity in his eyes — he was actually… somewhat… handsome.



’Tis strange how a fairytale

Can finally come to life,

Your fantasy — reality —

You’re fighting for a wife.

It’s time to finally play the hero, But you know you’re going to freeze, When the mocking laughs and jeers Trigger all your secret fears