Happily Ever Awkward (The H.E.A. Files, #1)(22)

“Do you hear something?” the courier asked.

A moment later, a tidal wave of pirates exploded onto the dock behind them.

Jack dashed up the gangplank and kicked it into the water. “I gotta go now, Bob. Take care — and maybe take cover!”

Leaping aboard the Sphinx, Jack triggered a counterweight that set into motion a complicated contraption whose convolutions eventually hoisted the mainsail.

The pirates pounded across the dock, just fifty yards away.

Jack waved at them then swung his sword to sever the mooring line in one flamboyant slash.

But the blade glanced off the taut, heavy rope.

The pirates thundered closer.

Jack swung his sword again.

Closer.

And again, and again, and again!

The pirates’ tattoos became legible before the rope finally snapped and the boat lurched from the dock.





Down in the captain’s cabin, the sudden motion toppled Paul and Laura into a compromising tangle on a hammock.





The Sphinx eased out into the harbor, but the furious pirates flung their bodies after her. Jack batted most of them away with an oar, but one of them managed to catch the ship’s railing. One whack of the oar upon his fingers and the marauder dropped with a SPLASH!

“Ha! And my blowhole is still open!” Jack taunted.

A throwing dagger whistled past his face and thunked into the mast, right beside his head.

Slightly less cocky than he’d been a moment before, Jack ducked for cover just as Laura burst from below, Paul right on her heels. Oblivious to their presence, Jack scanned behind the ship with a telescope. He did not like what he saw.

What he saw was the pirates wheeling a huge cannon onto the dock.

“Hey—” Laura said.

Startled, Jack jumped and pivoted wildly with his sword. More startled, Paul jumped and stumbled down the stairs again.

“Don’t worry,” Laura said. “He does that all the time.”

When Jack realized he was facing a woman, he relaxed. “Oh, sorry, my mistake. I thought you were pirates.” He sheathed his sword. “He must be the Prince Charming. Are you his wench or something?”

“Wench?!” Laura cried. “Who are you calling wench?!”

Jack frantically secured more sails. “Hey, there’s no need for hostility. I wasn’t using the term in a negative sense—”

“What other sense is—look out!”

Laura pointed at a massive central pillar supporting a bridge that stretched over the harbor’s mouth. They were racing straight toward a collision.

“Can you hold this? Thanks.” Jack shoved a rope into her hands and lunged for the wheel.

Whatever was on the other end of the rope hoisted Laura straight into the air.

As Jack spun the wheel, the Sphinx listed hard to starboard. Its paw barely scraped past the pillar, and the ship left more than a few wood shavings behind. Once clear of the obstruction, Jack ran and grabbed Laura’s legs, pulling her back down as Paul once again peeked up from below.

Laura kicked and squirmed. “Don’t touch!”

“Sorry, my mistake,” Jack said, releasing her as if she were a scalding hot skillet.

Laura catapulted into the rigging.

Jack turned and shook Paul’s hand while running past him to ride a boom arm into place. “You must be the prince.”

“Yes,” Paul said. “Um, hello. I’m Prince Paul… of Lilypine.”

“Jack Bravado, captain of the Sargasso Sphinx,” Jack said. “So, who’s the wench—” he started to say, but then he caught himself. “—ah, your companion?”

“Laura!” she called down from her perch on the mast. “But I’m not his companion!”

Jack ran back to the helm and swept the dock with his telescope again. This time he saw a lit fuse.

“I apologize for the hasty departure and all, but we’re… outrunning a little turbulence.”

He spun the wheel again and heaved the Sphinx behind the bridge’s pillar just as—

BOOM!

The cannon blast echoed across the waves and the cannonball struck the pillar dead center, spraying chunks of ancient stone and clouds of ancient dust.

“And… we’re… safe!” Jack declared once he was certain his ship wasn’t exploding. When he noticed how his passengers were staring at him, he said, “Oh, don’t mind that. Happens all the time when you leave the Empire of Bridges behind — nothing out here but magic and outlaws. But don’t worry. This is my territory. I’ll take good care of you. Trust—”

With a terrible roar, the pillar crumbled into the sea and the entire bridge collapsed behind them in a monumental chain reaction across the mouth of the harbor, effectively cutting off any pursuit. Paul and Laura gaped. It was quite a sight.

“—me,” Jack finished, somewhat half-heartedly. Turning away from the destruction, he faced the open sea. “Well, all things considered, that worked out pretty well, if I do say so myself. Should be smooth sailing from here on out.”





16



THE MOODY SEA


The sea churned around Seeboth’s Shadowship as purple clouds scudded across a green sky and spat pink lightning. In other circumstances, this would not have bothered Seeboth — in fact, he would have quite enjoyed it — but at the moment he was visiting Princess Luscious in her cell and attempting to pour her a glass of wine. His attempt met with failure when an unexpected jolt sloshed the wine all over Princess Luscious’ face.