Before I Saw You(91)

‘OK …’

‘What do you see when you look at that tree over there?’

She saw his dark figure point in the direction of a giant gnarled oak tree standing tall in the centre of the front lawn.

Maybe I’m not the only crazy one around here.

‘I’m not really sure … I just see a tree.’ Alice was starting to panic. Maybe he was insane. Was she safe? Should she run?

‘OK. Well, how would you describe the big tree over there?’

Alice looked harder at the twisted branches, the flaking bark and the giant roots bursting through the earth.

‘Wise. Majestic. Powerful. Beautiful.’ As she spoke the words, her body began to relax. Mother Nature really was an artist.

‘Exactly. You don’t look at that damaged, weathered, worn-out tree and see it as flawed, do you? Our scars are simply the marks of our stories. They show we’ve lived our life, and most of all that we have survived it. Don’t hide your story away in the shadows.’

The words hit her like bullets. She felt the ground beneath her shift as waves of emotion crashed over her one after another, relentless and unyielding. The rawness and vulnerability of his words had blindsided her. She hadn’t been prepared for it and she found herself unravelling right there and then.

Without thinking, Alice stepped boldly out of the shadows. The orange haze of the streetlights washed over her, and she saw the old man move tentatively towards her.

‘Ah, just as I thought. You have a wonderful story to tell.’

He bowed ever so slightly and then turned to leave. Alice watched his tiny figure disappear into the endless darkness. She stood there until her fingers turned numb and the sun began to rise.

It seemed the kindness of strangers would save her once more. Maybe it was time to close the book on her old life and start a new chapter.





69


Alfie





‘Hi Alfie. Thanks for joining me today.’

‘No problem at all. I’m paying for it so might as well show up, right?’

Idiot.

Rule number one: don’t joke with therapists.

She offered him an awkward smile at least. ‘So. It says in your notes that you’ve been suffering with depression since your accident. Is that right?’

‘Erm, well that’s what the doctors said.’

That awkward smile was already becoming unbearable.

‘And would you agree?’

‘I mean, some days are harder than others. At first I thought it was just a case of me readjusting to reality. The hospital became a little family, I guess. Being without them is more difficult than I imagined.’

‘Them?’

‘Huh?’

‘You said them. I was wondering if you meant anyone specifically.’

‘Oh, I just meant the other patients on the ward. The nurses. Everyone really.’

‘Have you spoken to any of them since you’ve been home? I’m sure you can still visit and check in from time to time?’

‘No, not really. A few people have called but … but there’s some people I can’t see.’

‘Really? Why’s that?’

He wished she wouldn’t look at him like that. So innocent yet so blatantly aware there was something to be uncovered if she pushed a little more.

‘Well, one of them died.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that. And the other?’

‘Well. It’s a bit of an odd situation really.’

Could he change the subject without her knowing?

She’s a shrink. She probably already knows you’re thinking about doing that right this second.

‘Go on …’

Alfie took a deep breath. Maybe it was finally time to talk about her. Maybe this stranger, with her notepad and stern glasses, could be the one person to finally help him let her go. For so long he’d tried to bury her away, putting all thoughts of Alice in a box at the back of his mind. But no matter how hard he tried and how fiercely he fought, she always seemed to find a way out. He hadn’t spoken to a soul about her since he’d left. He was too afraid and, if he was being truthful with himself, a little embarrassed. How could anyone understand what they’d had? The experiences they had shared and the intensity of his feelings? The only person he’d confided in was Mr Peterson, and even that had left him feeling exposed and unsure.

He’d promised his mum he would be open in these sessions. That he would use this time to release anything and everything he was holding on to. This was his chance to move forward, and he knew deep down that if he was going to do that, Alice had to be the first thing to go.

His eyes fixed firmly on the floor by the therapist’s feet.

‘I met this girl … she moved into the bed next to me on the ward … her name was Alice … and I think … I think I fell in love with her …’





70


Alice





Today was a big day. There was so much on the schedule Alice felt exhausted looking at it.

Start at the top and work your way down.

Simple.

The schedules were only meant to be a temporary fix but now she seemed unable to live her life without them. Her midnight chat with the dog-walking stranger had set the wheels in motion. His words would play over and over in her mind, willing her to find a way to live. And so, taking inspiration from Alfie’s schedule, she’d begun by creating a very small to-do list to get her up, moving and productive again. The first few had been laughable.