Before I Saw You(86)

‘Don’t be boring, Alf. It will do you good to get everyone together!’

Matty was not letting this go. Alfie was well aware that there were some battles not worth fighting, and this was definitely going to be one of them. Maybe it was best to let go of any semblance of control and just go with it. He could always cancel last minute anyway.

‘Well, why don’t you organize it? I’ll go along with whatever.’ Surely there was only so much Matty could do in the next few days?

‘Leave it with me, my man, leave it with me!’

Looking at Matty rubbing his hands together with glee did not fill Alfie with much confidence.

‘Anyway, I’d better be off. I’m picking Mel up from the hairdressers, and if I’m late again I will be seriously in the shit.’

Alfie knew Mel was not a woman to cross and so wasn’t surprised by the pace at which Matty said his goodbyes.

‘See you later, mate,’ he called as the door slammed shut.

Alfie didn’t even bother to respond. He simply sat once again staring at the TV, letting the sounds and colours pass passively through his brain.

What is wrong with you?

He knew his behaviour was getting worse. Every day he felt his moods growing darker and those familiar old black clouds were back, hovering ominously in his mind, their presence threatening to consume him.

Get a grip.

Just as Alfie was about to try and distract himself with another round of puzzles, the doorbell went.

Of course Matty had forgotten something; he could be the most useless human at times.

‘Hold on, I’m coming.’

But as he got closer, he knew straight away that it wasn’t Matty. Funny how distinctive someone’s silhouette could be.

‘Hey, Alfie. It’s me, Tom.’

Tom? Who is Tom?

His mind was spinning, trying to place this name and voice.

‘From Heartlands High …’

Oh, that Tom.

Why on earth is he here?

‘Yeah, give me a second – this lock’s a bit funny.’ Biding his time, Alfie mustered his best ‘I’m doing fine’ smile before he opened the door.

‘Sorry for dropping in on you like this. I just thought I’d pop round and see how you’re doing?’

Alfie looked at the man in front of him – shirt, tie and shiny shoes – and was suddenly very aware of his own odd socks, dirty Adidas tracksuit and stained T-shirt. Had he even showered today?

‘I’m doing OK.’ Keep it short and sweet, that’s the plan.

‘Don’t worry, I won’t stay long. Just thought you might fancy some lunch?’ He held up a bag of rather soggy-looking sandwiches.

Alfie laughed. After all this time, Tom’s wife was still packing him lunch every day. At first he’d found it a little too much, but over time Alfie had come to find it quite sweet. No one apart from his mum had ever made him sandwiches.

‘Sure. Come in.’

This would be the first time anyone from work had ever been inside Alfie’s flat. Despite making good friends at the school, it always felt just one step too far to invite them back to see the place where you slept each night and walked around naked every morning.

Seeing Tom perching hesitantly on his sofa was quite a sight. This man didn’t belong here amidst Alfie’s chaos, with his straight lines and neat edges. It was a meeting of worlds that did not align.

‘So, how’s everything been?’ Tom looked around as if he knew the answer already. The pile of dirty pants in the corner was probably a big enough giveaway.

‘Yeah, like I said, OK. Just trying to get used to things, I guess.’

Alfie hadn’t sat down; he wasn’t ready to accept that this was going to be a conversation that lasted longer than five minutes.

‘Of course. Must feel weird, right?’

Obviously it’s weird, Tom.

‘Mhm,’ was all he managed.

Tom sheepishly opened the bag and took a bite out of one of the sandwiches. Wow, he really was going to eat lunch here. Alfie had suspected that was just a ploy.

‘People have been checking in and asking if I’ve heard from you. The school hasn’t been the same since you’ve been gone.’

Alfie felt a sharp pang of guilt.

‘I know a few of the teachers have tried to reach out, but no one has heard anything from you in weeks. We are worried about you, Alfie. Before the accident we could barely get you to stop talking, and now it’s radio silence.’

Aha. They’ve sent poor Tom in to check how the invalid’s doing. Sweet, Alfie thought, but unnecessary.

‘I’m fine. There’s just a lot going on, you know. I only moved back a few weeks ago so I’m taking it slowly, that’s all.’

He thought he’d sounded confident enough, although the look on Tom’s face led Alfie to believe otherwise.

‘The thing is, I had a bit of a shit time a few months back and I kind of lost myself for a bit … It got pretty bad and there were times I wasn’t sure I’d make it.’

Wow, he wasn’t expecting that. The ever so well put together and immaculate Tom had a secret personal crisis of his own.

Remember: never judge a book by its cover.

‘It took me a while to realize, but when I did’ – Tom suddenly looked nervous – ‘and I got help for it, things really started to turn around for me.’