Before I Saw You(82)

Regardless of what you choose to do, Alice, you have to know that wherever I go or whatever I do, I will carry a piece of you in my heart with me for ever.

Thank you for being the best roommate (kind of) ever.

All my love,

Alfie Mack

Aka your new BFF

P.S. Enjoy the puzzles.



Her mind was alive with a million different thoughts, but she didn’t have any time to let them settle before another voice drifted in from the outside.

‘Alice … Mr Warring is here to see you.’

‘Come in.’ She clutched the parcel tightly then slid the precious gift under the covers.

‘Hi Alice. How are we doing today?’

‘OK.’ Alice felt sick. She wasn’t sure how much more she could take this morning.

‘Can I take a quick look at the dressings, please?’

Mr Warring was now so close to her face that Alice didn’t dare breathe.

‘I think we are all good to go. Are you ready for us to take them off?’

This time there wouldn’t be anyone to hold her hand. There would be no one there to tell her it was going to be OK. She was going into this alone and she realized she didn’t like it one bit. Alice nodded her head, holding the letter tightly in her hand, feeling the weight of the present by her side. It was the only piece of him she had left.

You’ll have to wait a bit longer, Alfie.

There’s something else that needs unwrapping first.

The cold breeze of air was a welcome relief on her skin, and she closed her eyes as the nurse gently cut the last remaining bandages loose.

‘Right, Alice, I’m just going to quickly clean this last bit up and then we can take a look, OK?’

She nodded and made some sort of noise of acknowledgement. The nerves had taken hold of her altogether, and her throat was so tight it hurt to breathe.

‘So whenever you’re ready, open your eyes.’

Slowly the outline of her came into view.

Her hair, longer now than before but still as richly auburn as ever.

Her right side, exactly the same as it always had been. Average to some but still perfectly her.

She took a deep breath in as she dared to look at the left side.

‘Oh God!’ The cry unleashed itself from her.

She screwed her eyes tightly closed.

‘Alice, you need to understand that you’re still healing. The skin is still very sore but there are definite improvements. Please, let me show you.’

Stop trying to make yourself feel better.

You’ve done nothing.

You lied.

The anger licked her insides, unfurling itself quicker and quicker.

‘Alice.’ The nurse reached for her hand. ‘Trust me, it’s going to be hard and it’s going to feel awful right now, but give him a chance, OK? Let him show you.’

She opened her eyes once more.

This time she could see he was right. There were improvements. If you looked closely enough, you could see the skin was smoother and perhaps a little tighter in places. But it was still obvious she had been hurt badly. It was also obvious that a lot of time and effort had gone into trying to piece her back together. And it was definitely obvious that it hadn’t worked. She was still just a patchwork quilt of skin and scars.

‘The swelling will reduce quite quickly and we will give you some topical cream to continue to help the scarring. I know we weren’t able to do as much as we wanted to, but I’m still happy with the results. Honestly, Alice, give it a few weeks and I think you’ll be surprised.’

She couldn’t even look at him. How dare he try to placate her with marginally fewer scars and a slightly smoother cheek?

Shame began to consume her.

This was it. This was what she was left with. The hope that her self-worth, her self-confidence would return to normal was shattered. She stuffed the letter and unopened package in her bedside table. She couldn’t bear to look at something so hopeful and full of expectation when all she had left was disappointment. How would anyone be able to love someone so broken?





63


Alfie





Alfie had insisted he wanted to spend his first night back in his own flat. His mother had done her very best to persuade him otherwise, but he knew he needed to bite the bullet or risk spending an eternity regressing into a teenager living at his mum’s house.

‘Here we are, son,’ Robert declared as they approached his front door.

‘And you’re sure you don’t want to come back with us? You’re welcome to stay for as long as you like, Alfie. It’s no problem at all.’ His mother was adopting a breezy tone but Alfie could see the desperation in her eyes.

‘Thank you, Mum. It really means a lot, but like I said, I just want to get in and settled as quickly as possible.’ He turned the key in the lock and heard the sweet satisfactory click of the door opening. Alfie had been fortunate once again. His flat was situated on the ground floor of an old Victorian house and so hadn’t required any major alterations to make it suitable for his arrival. It wasn’t much; just your typical one-bedroom, barely room to swing a cat, extortionately priced London living space. But it was all his.

He switched on the hall light and took a deep breath in.

Home sweet home.

‘I’ll drop your stuff in the bedroom, put the shopping in the fridge, and then I guess we’ll leave you to it.’ Robert was playing his usual role of peacekeeper and trying his best to be upbeat. Alfie’s heart surged with gratitude to him.