Before I Saw You(81)

‘OK.’ The nurse hesitated, lingering for just a moment. ‘You know where we are if you need us.’

*

‘Good morning, Alice.’

No. I don’t want to exist today, thank you. Let me lie here in the darkness and wallow.

‘The doctor has already paged me to say he’s coming down later to check on you.’

Why did the nurse sound so nervous?

‘It might be time to take off the bandages …’

‘OK.’ It was all the exhaustion would allow her to mutter.

‘There’s also someone here to see you.’

Instantly her body sprang to life. Her heart leapt to her throat and her stomach twisted in on itself.

‘Alice, baby, it’s me …’

Confusion and realization collided. It wasn’t him. But it was her.

‘Nurse Angles?’

‘Can I come in?’ Her caution was endearing.

‘Sure.’

Nurse Angles had seen Alice at her worst so there was really no point in hiding from her.

‘Hey there, honey.’ The moment her face appeared from behind the curtain, Alice felt herself inflate with warmth. A deep feeling of love radiated through her for a second, so unexpected it rendered her breathless.

‘Hi.’ A tiny whisper was all she could manage.

‘We’ve been missing you downstairs.’ All caution disappeared as Nurse Angles manoeuvred herself into the chair next to Alice. ‘You gave us a fright, going and nearly dying like that!’

Alice smiled. ‘Yeah, sorry about that.’

‘Well, you’re here and alive and that’s all that matters.’ She reached over and grasped her hand tightly. She’d missed being held more than she could ever have imagined.

‘And …’ The question was dancing on the tip of her tongue. ‘And how … how is Alfie?’

Nurse Angles smiled even wider. ‘Well, he was a pain in my backside, asking me to come and check on you every five minutes. I practically got banned from this floor I was up here so much!’ She let out one of her deep belly laughs and Alice couldn’t help but join in. ‘He also made me promise to give you this …’ From her bag Nurse Angles produced a letter and neatly wrapped package. ‘I wanted to make sure you were awake and well before I delivered it. Couldn’t have it getting misplaced now, could I?’

Alice took the gift and stared at it. It was small, rectangular, and she was surprised how carefully it had been wrapped in its brown paper covering. Had he really left this? For her?

‘Now, I need to get myself back downstairs. You know what they’re like down there – God knows what trouble’s been caused since I left.’

Alice was still fixated on the parcel and letter in her hands.

‘Make sure you come and say goodbye before you leave, OK?’ One final squeeze and Nurse Angles heaved herself up to go.

‘Thank you.’ Alice squeezed back. ‘Thank you so much for coming.’

‘Any time.’ She turned just before leaving. ‘I mean that, OK? You need anything, just get them to buzz me.’

Alice was still in such shock she only managed to nod in acknowledgement.

‘Right, Mary, I’m off. Keep me posted on everything, will you?’ The booming voice of Nurse Angles could be heard even as she was making her way out of the ward.

Alice turned the letter over in her hands and saw his tiny scrawl on the front.

Big Al

Aka

The lady behind the curtain



Adrenaline was rushing through her blood and the anticipation became too much to bear. She opened the envelope as carefully as she could and pulled out a single sheet of paper. Her eyes were moving so fast to read everything at once that she found nothing was making sense.

She closed her eyes and took a long inhalation.

Slow down.

Take your time.

Breathe.

She opened her eyes and began again.

Dear Alice,

I hope the cute nickname on the front didn’t put you off opening this. It was a big risk but one I was willing to take (especially as I won’t be there in person to feel your wrath when you read it!).

I’m sorry if you had to wait before receiving this letter. The only person I could trust to give it to you was Mother A. I hate the thought of you waking up and thinking I’d left without a goodbye, but I am hoping it’s worth the wait.

Alice, I wanted to start by saying … WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING TO ME! Going and getting yourself nearly killed again. I won’t lie, I probably cursed you as many times as I prayed for you. I’m sure you weren’t having the time of your life up there in intensive care, but it wasn’t much fun for me down here without you either. But on a serious note, I kept the promise I made to you and never came to see you. I may have sent Mother A up to check on you a few times, but all I asked was to know you were OK.

Secondly, I really hope that this operation gives you what you need to feel confident in going out and starting your life again. I hope it gives you what you need to feel as beautiful as you always have been to me, and I’m sorry I wasn’t more supportive from the start. There are so many things I want to tell you, but instead of writing them out in my quite frankly appalling handwriting, I’ve left my address at the bottom.

Alice Gunnersley, it would be the greatest honour if you would come and meet me in person, whenever and if ever you feel ready to. I appreciate there are probably many things you wish to do when you get out of the hospital, and coming to find the slightly annoying stranger in the bed next to you might not be high up on that list. However, if there is any part of you that wants to, I will be waiting.