Before I Saw You(78)

‘No.’ She stamped her foot hard on the floor.

‘Oh, come on, Rubes, don’t be like that. You can’t be grumpy on my last day.’

He saw the bottom lip start to go.

‘But I don’t want you to leave me.’ She ran at him as the tears fell hard and fast.

‘I know.’ He held her close. ‘But I can still come and visit you and your mum. We’re friends, aren’t we?’ He held her out in front of him and looked into her crestfallen face.

She managed a slight nod.

‘Well then. Friends don’t leave each other. Ever. Never forget that, OK?’

‘OK.’ A small toothy smile crept on to her face.

‘Plus,’ he whispered loudly in her ear, ‘who is going to take care of Sharon for me when I’m gone?’

‘Oi! I don’t need looking after, thank you very much!’

Ruby burst into laughter as she ran back across the ward and unceremoniously launched herself on to her mum’s bed.

He looked over to the bed that had belonged to Mr Peterson, a man Alfie had grown to care for and admire so deeply. Then he became aware of the absence of Alice’s voice next to him. The sound he would wake up to every morning and fall asleep to each night. In that moment, it dawned on him why it was so hard to say goodbye. These strangers had become his family.

Even Nurse Angles had taken her break early to come and say her farewells. For a few minutes they simply sat side by side in silence.

‘Mother A, I just wa—’

‘Hush, baby. Not just yet.’

He couldn’t bring himself to look at her, and he suspected she was avoiding his gaze too.

‘Alfie, honey, we’re good to go. Robert’s down in the car waiting for us,’ Alfie’s mum cooed, suddenly appearing in front of them.

No.

Please, not yet.

Just a few more moments.

‘Jane, sweetie—’ Nurse Angles’ voice cracked ever so slightly. ‘If it’s OK with you, I’d like to be the one to walk Alfie out. I was the one who brought him in here and it just seems right that I be the one to take him out. We won’t be long, I promise.’

‘Sure thing. We’ll be waiting outside.’

Before Alfie could thank her, Nurse Angles had turned to him with a fierce expression on her face. ‘Alfie Mack, you listen to me and you listen to me good. I am so deeply, deeply proud of everything you’ve done here. Not only have you fought so hard for your recovery, but you’ve also been a lifeline for so many people on this ward. You promise me that you’ll keep that sunshine burning bright, no matter what comes your way. And above all else, you promise me here and now that no matter how hard it gets, you’ll keep fighting. Yours is a life worth living, and I’ll still be here cheering you on every goddam step of the way.’

Her eyes were glistening and her grip had tightened on his hand. He stared right into her dark brown eyes and felt his heart swell with love.

‘I promise.’

‘Now, come here and give this old woman one last hug!’ And just like that she was all smiles and warmth again. Alfie reached for her and let her embrace swallow him whole. He nestled as deep as he could and breathed her in. Her generosity. Her open heart. Her mothering instinct. He wanted to take as much of her with him as he could.

‘Thank you, my very own Mother Angel. I’ll hold you in my heart for ever.’ He kissed her cheek before pulling himself upright. ‘Right, let’s do this!’

‘Let’s do this, baby.’ She linked his arm and laughed that wondrous deep laugh.

Together they made their way down the ward, arm in arm, side by side. As they walked through the double doors, the whole ward erupted into cheers.

Just before they reached the exit, Alfie stopped. He’d been waiting until the very last moment possible to ask her one last favour, because he knew when he did, it really would be the end.

‘Mother A? I need your help, just one last time …’





60


Alice





Alice had lost all concept of time. She didn’t know where she was, what had happened or why. All she knew was that slowly, very slowly, she was beginning to wake up.

It started with the odd flash of light. She’d try and open her eyes to see, but it would be so bright she’d be forced to close them instantly. Then came the sounds. The sounds of people around her, next to her, talking about her. Throwing words to each other so quickly she barely had time to try and catch them. At first it didn’t matter; all that mattered was that she wasn’t alone. She was somewhere other than the inside of that fire, and she was no longer alone.

‘Alice, honey, can you hear me?’

Without thinking, she moved her head.

‘Alice? If you can hear me, can you nod your head again for me?’

Go away, it’s too painful.

‘Alice, if you can hear me, I need you to make a sign.’

God, this woman is relentless.

Using every drop of strength she had, Alice nodded.

‘Fantastic!’ The pushy woman was almost singing with excitement. ‘Well done, my love. I’ll go get the doctor immediately. Just sit tight for me.’

Oh, because I’m really likely to be wandering off, am I?