Before I Saw You(75)

By the time he reached the entrance to the ward, the sweat was dripping down his face.

‘Alfie, what the hell has happened to you?’

He shook his head, feeling foolish. Of course they knew where to find him: the nurses had practically sent him packing to the courtyard themselves.

‘Nothing, just tired,’ he mumbled under his breath.

‘Hm, OK.’ The nurse was looking at him suspiciously. ‘Well, take some rest, there’s still no news. I am checking for you, I promise.’

He smiled, the first real smile of the day. ‘Thank you.’





57


Alice





Just breathe, Alice.

The nerves mounted with every door they passed, every corridor they wheeled her down and every turn they took.

Could they not just give her the anaesthetic now? Knock her out unconscious and bring her round when the whole ordeal was over?

No. Apparently they needed her awake and willing until the very last second.

Fortunately, she didn’t have to wait long until she was moved from the waiting area into the theatre.

It was odd how badly she longed for Nurse Angles to be greeting her instead of these strangers. How comforting her life on the ward seemed now she’d been torn away from it.

‘OK, Alice. We’re going to be administering the anaesthetic soon. Any other questions before we begin?’

Alice shook her head. If she spoke, she was sure she would vomit.

‘I want you to take some deep breaths for me. You’re going to feel a small sharp prick and then a slightly cold sensation. It’s all normal – it’s just the anaesthetic kicking in. OK?’

Alice smiled this time. Nodding made her feel even more nauseous.

‘Wonderful. I’m going to count down from ten. You’ll start to feel really sleepy soon – don’t try and resist it, just go with it, OK?’

All at once everything started to fade. The sounds, the shapes: they all began to blur into one.

Her eyes were heavy.

She could barely keep them open.

Within seconds Alice found herself lost to the darkness.

Within an hour, she’d flatlined on the operating table.





58


Alfie





Alfie knew everyone was doing their best to get information for him, but he couldn’t help feeling they weren’t trying hard enough. The not knowing was driving him crazy.

Couldn’t they just go to the operating theatre and ask?

At one point he’d all but convinced himself to go and find her himself. Luckily his reason kicked in and told him how stupid the idea was, and how it would probably reduce his chances of ever finding out about Alice if he was caught. And so he resigned himself to waiting.

He waited until the afternoon shift clocked off and the night shift clocked on.

He waited until the stars winked at him from the sky.

He waited until it seemed that everyone on the ward was asleep but him.

So many times his eyes would start to close and he would have to force himself to stay awake. Every time he caught the sound of footsteps he would sit upright, praying they were coming towards him. Eventually they would change direction or fade into the distance, and his heart would drop once again with the weight of not knowing.

This time, the footsteps came straight towards him.

He didn’t dare make a sound; he didn’t want to scare them off.

‘Alfie, are you still awake?’

Why is Nurse Angles here? Didn’t she finish hours ago?

‘Mother A?’

‘Hey, love.’ She poked her head around the curtain. He knew immediately that something was wrong.

‘Is she alive? Please tell me she’s alive.’ He practically screamed the words at her.

She was suddenly by his side, all flesh and warmth, holding his hand tightly. ‘She’s alive, baby, but only just.’

Only just.

Those words hit him square in the chest. He felt sick. He needed to see her. He needed to go to her right away.

‘I need to see her. I need to see her now.’

‘Alfie, honey, stop.’

‘No. Get out of my way.’ Alfie was using every ounce of strength to find a way out of her grasp.

‘Look.’ She held him at arm’s length, forcing him to stop thrashing. ‘I know you want to go to her but you can’t. She’s in a critical condition. No one is allowed up there right now. Not even you.’ He could feel her fingers making marks on his skin.

Alfie couldn’t hold off any longer, he couldn’t fight any more, and so instead he collapsed fully into her arms and cried.

‘What happened?’ The words were almost lost amongst the tears.

‘They aren’t saying much right now.’ She paused, pulling him closer. ‘All I know is she lost a lot of blood and … and …’

She couldn’t continue and he didn’t want her to.

*

He couldn’t remember the exact moment he fell asleep, but he was certain Nurse Angles was holding him as he did. He was almost surprised to find she wasn’t still there with her arms wrapped around him, pulling him in tightly, when the morning came.

Instead he heard her, already up and about, pacing down the ward and busying herself with her rounds. How could everything carry on as normal when the entire world had been pulled from underneath his feet? Thankfully she’d closed the curtains around him after she’d left, giving Alfie the privacy to do whatever he needed to do to process the news. But all he wanted to do was to see Alice.