Before I Saw You(74)

‘Only trying to help.’ He waggled the tube at her one last time before it disappeared behind the curtain again. ‘And you’re sure you don’t want me to call anyone if something goes wrong? Not even Sarah?’

‘No. If anything really bad happens, the hospital will call. I don’t want her worrying. Trust me on this.’

Alice didn’t want Sarah to be contacted unnecessarily. There would be no point. Whatever challenges Alice faced, she would deal with them without the need to worry anyone else. She hadn’t completely forgotten how to fend for herself.

‘I don’t agree at all, but I’ll do as you say.’

‘Good. Alfie?’

‘Yes?’

‘I need to ask you to do one more thing for me.’

‘You’ve got my full attention, Miss Gunnersley.’

If only he knew that this was really not the time for flirting.

‘I need you to promise me that no matter what happens during the operation, you won’t come and visit me.’

‘Hold on. What?’ He couldn’t hide the shock from his voice.

‘I mean it. Please don’t come and visit me. Not even if …’

‘Alice, stop! You can’t mean that. I—’

‘Alfie.’ Her voice stopped him dead in his tracks. ‘If things don’t go to plan … I want you to remember me as you know me now. I want you to remember me like all those beautiful words you said to me that night. Please. Promise me.’

He hadn’t made a sound in what felt like minutes.

‘Alfie, please?’

‘Fine. I promise, Alice.’

‘No matter what?’

‘No matter what.’





56


Alfie





He held her hand until the very last moment he could.

Everyone had been asked, as per protocol, to close their curtains while they wheeled her away. How tempted he was to leave just a crack, a tiny sliver of a gap for him to steal a glance at her before she left.

But a promise was a promise. No matter how painful it was.

Please keep her safe.

Please keep her safe.

Please keep her safe.

He whispered the words over and over into his pillow, hoping that if he said them enough times, with enough conviction, someone somewhere would hear his plea.

It must have been around 10 o’clock when Alfie heard the padding of footsteps approaching his bay.

‘Can I come in?’ Little Ruby peeked her face through his curtains.

‘Hey, Rubes. On holiday already? You OK?’

‘Yeah. Are you?’ She looked at him with a knowledge way beyond her years. ‘Can I?’ She nodded at his bed.

‘Of course, unless you’re too old and cool for that now?’

‘Not just yet.’ She ran at him, lay down and cuddled him close. ‘Especially not when you’re so sad.’

Her words threw him; you really couldn’t keep anything secret in this place. He squeezed her warm little frame.

They stayed like that the whole morning, with Ruby insisting they watch endless episodes of crap on TV to keep him distracted. As soon as Nurse Angles stepped on to the ward though, there was only one thing on his mind.

‘Alfie, honey, I know what you’re going to ask me and I haven’t heard yet.’ She hadn’t even looked up from her paperwork. ‘The moment I hear anything, you’ll be the first to know, OK?’ She stood up and laid her hand on his cheek. ‘Now, go back to bed and rest. You look like you haven’t slept in weeks.’

Alfie attempted a smile and made his way back. He couldn’t help but sneak a glance at Mr Peterson’s old bed, now occupied by a very hairy, very disgruntled Greek man.

Alfie spent the rest of the day feeling utterly lost.

‘Will you stop pacing up and down the ward, please?’ The nurses were trying not to sound exasperated but Alfie knew he was frustrating them.

‘Sorry, I just don’t know what else to do.’

Walking helped. Walking made Alfie feel that he was at least doing something.

‘We get it, we do. But please, can you walk somewhere else other than just up and down? Maybe outside? Get some fresh air? You’re putting everyone on edge here.’

What did everyone else matter when the most important person here was on the operating table?

He knew it wasn’t their fault, so he bit back the words and took his sorry self out to the courtyard.

The sun was blinding, and if it had been any other day Alfie would have relished the warm air and blue skies. Today, however, he wanted solitude and misery.

‘Beautiful day, isn’t it?’ An elderly lady and her husband were walking arm in arm around the garden. Alfie could only just about muster a half-smile.

‘Do you need a seat, son?’ A gruff middle-aged man had clearly clocked Alfie’s uneven walk.

‘No; thanks though.’ If he sat, he knew he’d be forced to make conversation, and he couldn’t face the thought of that. Sitting would be far too much of a commitment.

What if he needed to go back suddenly? What if they were looking for him?

Panic rose in his throat.

Alfie near enough ran out of the courtyard and down the corridors. He didn’t care who he had to push out of the way to get there. The panic was forcing him to move quicker and quicker, far too fast for his pounding heart and aching leg to keep up with. But he didn’t dare stop, not even to take a breath.