Before I Saw You(85)

AL!

Welcome home, my love.

Here is a little something to make you smile / please don’t kill them straight away!

Miss you always,

Sarah and Raph xxx



No matter how much she pushed, or how fiercely she denied it, right now Alice couldn’t help but feel anything other than loved.

These people cared. They really cared. How had she taken it for granted for so long?

Alice texted Sarah to let her know she was home safe, put a wash on, and then sat in the middle of the floor and cried herself to sleep.

*

The next morning, she woke up a little disorientated and very much in pain. Her back ached and she could barely move her body. Crying on the floor was one thing, but sleeping on it all night was another thing entirely. Part of her wondered if she could just lie there all day. No one would notice. What else was she planning to do with her time?

She decided to kill a good hour doing an online shop. As much as she hated to admit it, she needed food. The only surviving items in her fridge were an unopened jar of pickled onions and some jam. Even an unaccomplished chef like Alice knew that they did not go well together. Twenty-four ready meals and every flavour of Ben & Jerry’s ordered, and still it was only 10 a.m.

This is going to be hell.

True, there wasn’t endless excitement on the ward, but she always had Alfie to distract her.

Alfie.

She lay back on her sofa and allowed herself to imagine all the things he could be getting up to right this very moment. Thoughts of his mum force-feeding him plate after plate of brownies, while his friends sat around him and tried their best to insult one another, kept her amused for a while. Then she remembered it was 10.30 a.m. on a Wednesday. He was probably working.

Work.

She hadn’t been in touch with the firm for months! There was absolutely no way she was ready to go back yet, but looking at the colourful roses on her kitchen table, she couldn’t help but feel duty bound to at least let them know she was safe.

Message to Henry Boss 22 August 10.34

Hi Henry, it’s Alice. I thought I’d drop you a text to let you know I’ve formally been discharged from hospital and am back at home. Thank you for the flowers, they are lovely. Let me know if we need to discuss a return to work date, conscious it’s been some time. Thanks.



She regretted it as soon as she’d sent it. What if he replied and demanded she came into the office this week? On the other hand, what if she didn’t have a job any more? What would she do for money?

She nearly jumped out of her skin when she felt the phone buzz in her hand.

Oh God. Oh God, oh God, oh God.

Message from Henry Boss 22 August 10.47



What the hell was wrong with her? Since when had she become so afraid of everything?

In one quick swipe she opened the message.

Hi Alice. Great to hear from you and glad you are back home. No need to rush back. Please take as much time as you need. Henry.



She closed her eyes and let out a long slow sigh. A wave of relief washed over her. She was safe! At least for a few more weeks, she could stay hidden away and pretend that real life wasn’t just around the corner waiting for her. She sank back and buried herself deeper into the sofa. If only Henry could see her now. Holed up in the flat she barely used to sleep in, afraid of her own reflection. Would he even recognize her?

A single tear tracked down her cheek.

Why would he? You don’t even recognize yourself.





65


Alfie





‘So, big guy, what’s the plan?’ Matty flopped himself down on the sofa next to Alfie.

By the end of his first month home, the crowds of visitors had slowly reduced to a trickle and Alfie found himself spending more and more time on his own. Some things hadn’t changed, however, and Matty’s weekly visits had continued religiously. Every Wednesday the pair would do as little as humanly possible in the pleasure of each other’s company.

‘I don’t know.’ Alfie shrugged. ‘Xbox?’ His monosyllabic responses were becoming the norm now and not just reserved for his mother’s phone calls.

‘I don’t mean now, you idiot. I meant for your birthday.’

Shit. How the hell had that come around so quickly?

‘There isn’t one at the moment, mate.’ Alfie picked at the red-raw hangnail on his thumb. ‘I’m not really bothered this year.’

‘What?!’

Alfie looked at Matty’s shocked face.

‘Come on! Not that long ago you were in hospital, in a pit of despair. I’m sorry to remind you, but it’s true. Now look at you! Back in your own flat, single man walking again … we have to celebrate!’

Time was a weird and wonderful thing. How could a few months already have passed since the accident? It felt like only yesterday he was leaving the hospital, yet a lifetime since he woke up this morning. Every minute felt like wading through treacle. Doing anything other than sitting felt arduous. Had his life been switched to slow motion?

‘I don’t know, Matty.’ Alfie resumed picking the skin dutifully from his thumb.

The thought of doing anything more social than this made Alfie feel on edge. He’d spoken to enough people over the past month to last him many years, and he increasingly found the thought of social interaction unbearable. Even having Matty over was a strain at times. No. All he wanted was to sit in his flat in peace. Why couldn’t anyone respect that?