Before I Saw You(94)

Throughout their friendship he’d never seen this side to Matty. How excited could one man get over organizing events? He’d been the same about Alfie’s birthday, although he’d known that was slightly different. His party had been a celebration of much more than just his birthday. It had marked a new start in his life. It honoured all that had been and all that was to come. Alfie had been carefully piecing the lost parts of himself back together. It wasn’t quick or easy or even enjoyable, but it had changed his world.

‘Sorry, Matty, I’m coming!’

A part of him didn’t want to know what plans were being concocted, but he knew that the sooner he got wind of the ideas, the easier it would be to steer his friend off course.

‘I may be half robot, but I’m still a slow mover!’

Silence.

Strange, Alfie thought. Matty never usually missed an opportunity to come back with a hilarious insult.

‘Matty, you all right, mate?’

As he came closer, he realized it wasn’t Matty at the door; the silhouette was too slight, and too female.

‘Sorry, I was expecting someone else,’ he apologized, feeling a little embarrassed for shouting at this stranger. He wrestled with the lock and pulled back the door.

The first thing he saw was her auburn hair.

The second thing was her hand.





72


Alice





Before she even had time to think, the door opened.

And just like that, there he was. A mass of dark curly hair, broad shoulders and dangerously chiselled cheekbones.

It was Alfie Mack.

In the flesh.

She’d pictured his face a thousand times before, but seeing him in front of her was beyond anything she could have ever imagined. Affection surged through her; her skin tingled with an energy she’d never felt before. Her whole body radiated heat. Feelings were bubbling up from somewhere deep down, a rush of longing and desire and fear and anxiety filling her heart. This was what she’d read about in books but brushed off as fiction. This was what she’d watched in films and laughed at as fantasy. This was it. This was how it felt. A lifetime of emotions hitting her in one single moment.

Alice tried to smile but her face felt frozen; all she could do was stare blankly at him.

His eyes narrowed just a bit. Those curious mismatched eyes he’d so often talked about. The eyes she’d tried to imagine so many times, on so many different faces.

Was it recognition she could sense? Confusion? Or was it downright disgust?

The thoughts crowded her mind, filling it with chatter. She couldn’t catch hold of one before it was pushed out by another. She felt sick. Her breath seemed to be stuck somewhere in the middle of her chest. Her head felt dizzy, her body suddenly overcome with a wave of nausea.

Alice took a slight step back.

Why had she come here? Really, what had she been expecting? She’d told herself over and over that this was a stupid idea. She’d got on and off the bus four times, turned back at the end of his road twice, and very nearly ordered an Uber home. But now she was standing here, the reality felt much worse.

She had to go.

Why weren’t her legs moving?

This was all too much; the silence was suffocating.

She forced herself to take another step back but was unable to tear her eyes away from him. She wanted to drink as much of him in as possible. This would be the first and last time she ever got to see him, and she wanted to imprint it on to her mind.

His body shifted forward a fraction.

Turn and go.

Don’t even look back, Alice.

Just leave!

As she finally turned to run, she felt something grab her.

His hand had found hers. The hand she’d held so many times before.

God, how she’d missed his touch.

She felt her body turn back instinctively to face him again.

‘Wait.’

God, how she’d missed that sound.

The sound of him.

She tried to pull her hand away but he only held it tighter and squeezed. This was what home felt like, all along.

‘Alice?’ He raised an eyebrow and flashed her a wicked smile. ‘What the hell took you so long?’





Epilogue





Alfie





Five years later

‘Mr Mack! But what happens wh—’

‘Kaleb. Remember, we don’t shout out over each other. If we want to say something, we have to raise our hand,’ Alfie reminded him gently.

‘Sorry, sir.’ Kaleb’s eyes flashed in panic at the realization that he’d once again spoken without his hand up, which subsequently flew high up in the air, arm straight as an arrow.

The little boy looked as though he was about to explode at any moment if he wasn’t relieved of the burning question that he was holding between his puffed-out cheeks. Alfie managed to stifle a laugh. ‘Yes, Kaleb. What would you like to ask?’

‘What happens if people do say mean things to you. Don’t you get upset?’ Kaleb’s voice faltered and his gaze dropped to his lap.

Even though Alfie had been running these after-school sessions for nearly a year now, they never got any easier. Talking about his experiences didn’t bother him much these days. He’d had enough practice in reliving every stomach-wrenching, heartbreaking moment of his life in his therapy sessions with Linda. So speaking about his mental health to school children was a dream in comparison to that. No. What got him the most, what kept him awake at night, was knowing just how many children were suffering in silence. He could recognize the signs immediately. The way they asked certain questions, the glances around the room to check they weren’t going to be laughed at, or dragged round the back of the school later and beaten because they’d dared to voice an opinion. Sometimes all Alfie had to do was look into their eyes and he’d see the pain – the humiliation swimming behind the glazed-over stares. But no matter how difficult and uncomfortable he found running the discussion groups, he had never felt prouder of anything in his life.