Effortless (Thoughtless, #2)(153)

Back inside, he indicated his lumpy couch as he gently shut the door.

It was the first time in a while that a door had been shut quietly around us. As I sat down, he started pacing in front of me. It spiked my nerves and I wanted him to sit down. He seemed to need the release of movement, though, so I said nothing.

Shifting back and forth, he wiped his palms on his jeans, like he was nervous. It was odd to see on him, he very rarely got nervous. Glancing at me at every turn in his back and forth strut, he still didn’t say anything. Thinking he wasn’t going to be able to, I tried starting the conversation. “Who was that on the phone?”

He stopped and brought his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “Ugh, I can’t…start there, Kiera.”

I bit my lip, nodding and waiting for him to start where he could.

Sighing, he stopped moving and stood in front of me. Running his hand down his face, his expression so worn I thought he might drop at any moment, he shook his head. “Back in December, a girl came up to me backstage.”

I felt my stomach tighten as he paused. So it was about a girl? I wished I could say I was shocked…but I wasn’t. Seeing my expression, Kellan slumped a little. “She told me…”

As Kellan stopped to swallow, a sudden burst of insight hit me. It was so obvious. I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought of it sooner. Dread and sadness filled me as I completely understood. “She told you that you have a child…right? Sometime in your life, you weren’t safe…and now, somewhere out there, you’ve got a kid.”

Tears filled my eyes as my vision of a future with Kellan irrevocably shifted. He’d never shut out a child and I’d have to share a piece of him 432



with another woman…forever. Sadness that I wasn’t the one to have his firstborn nearly overwhelmed me, and a lone tear rolled down my cheek.

Seeing it, he squatted in front of me. Cupping my cheek, he shook his head. “No, Kiera…that’s not it at all.” Sighing, he rested his head against mine. “There isn’t a miniature version of me out there anywhere, Kiera…okay?”

Swiping my fingers under my eyes, I scrunched my brows, even more lost than before. “Then what is it, Kellan? Because I really don’t understand.”

He sat back on his heels, his head down. “I know you don’t. And I know it seems like I’m hiding an affair…” Looking up at me, he shrugged. “Do you really not see, knowing what you know about me, what might make me…lie to you?”

Pain flashed through me that he’d openly admitted to lying. More tears running down my face, I shook my head. He exhaled, looking a little defeated that he’d have to tell me, that I couldn’t guess it so he wouldn’t have to say it. Closing his eyes, he whispered, “She told me that she wanted me to meet…her father.”

When he opened his eyes, they were moist. I blinked, surprised.

“Father? That’s…odd.”

Kellan smiled sadly, shaking his head. “Yeah, well, she seems to think that…he might be my father, too.”

He’d said it so quietly that it took me a moment to register the words.

When I did, my mouth dropped open. “Your father, too? So she’s your…?” I blinked, my mind still processing. “Wait, your father? Your biological father? Is he? Is she…your sister?”

“Yes, she showed me an old picture of him and even if the resemblance hadn’t made it painfully obvious…I’d seen the same picture before.

Mom showed it to me once…” Kellan swallowed, his eyes brimming with tears as he held my gaze. “And I can’t, Kiera, I just can’t see him…I can’t do it.”

433



I was so floored, I had nothing to say. I stared at him in complete shock. Every scenario that I’d ever dreamt up about Kellan’s secret revolved him keeping the truth from me because of guilt, because of a girl.

I’d never once imagined that he’d been hiding things from me out of pain, because he couldn’t deal with the situation.

I couldn’t imagine anything more life-changing for Kellan right now than contact from the man who’d spawned him. Spawned him, then abandoned him. He’d left him to a fate that no child should have to go through. I couldn’t even really imagine what Kellan was feeling right now—confused, hurt? Or maybe he wasn’t feeling anything yet. Maybe he was suffering a case of denial that rivaled my sister’s.

Wondering if that was why he hadn’t just told me from the very beginning, I leaned over and cupped his cheeks. His eyes flashed between mine, like he was a wounded animal in a trap that he desperately wanted to run from.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything to me?”

He immediately started shaking his head. “I know you. You’d want me to meet with him. You’d want me to have some…bonding family moment with him…and I…I can’t, Kiera.”

Sighing, I stroked his cheek with my thumb. “He’s your family, Kellan…”

Kellan shot to his feet. “No, no he’s nothing to me!” Running his hands back through his hair, he started looking around his home, his parents’

home. “He left me. He took off and abandoned me. He let me grown up with… those…people.” His body started shaking, his jaw clenching. “He wanted nothing to do with me…so I want nothing to do with him…” His voice cracked in his anger and I stood. Stepping into his trembling body, I ran my hand up his chest, to his jaw. The strong muscles there were still clamped tight as Kellan looked anywhere but directly at me.