Effortless (Thoughtless, #2)(155)

Sitting beside him, I put my hand on his knee. “But your real dad contacting you…? You had to keep that from me?” He looked away. “I didn’t want to, and I did try to tell you a couple times…” He looked back. “It was just too hard…too fresh.” Lowering his head, he whispered, “I’m sorry if I hurt you…” Cradling his head to my body, I felt the tears escape my eyes. “It’s okay…I get it.” As he exhaled and wrapped his arms around me, I whispered, “Christmas Day…was that text really from Griffin?” Kellan stiffened in my arms, then pulled back. His eyes glossy, he shook his head. “No…that was from him.” Cupping my cheek, his deep blue eyes searched mine. “I’m so sorry I lied…I just didn’t want you to ask…I wasn’t ready.”

I nodded, more tears sliding down my skin. “All those texts…?” 437



“Were from him, I promise.” Leaning his head into mine, he gave me a soft kiss. “They were all from him. I’ll let you look at them if you want, if you don’t believe me, but that’s all I’ve been hiding…I promise.” He kissed me again. “I promise…”

Letting all my fear and doubt melt away from me, I melded my lips to his. “I believe you,” I whispered. And I did.

His fingers on my cheek wrapped around to my neck, drawing me in-to the kiss we were sharing. So sure that we’d never have this intimacy again, I savored the sweet taste of him, the intoxicating smell of him. But even as our mouths started shifting the conversation into a different one, a more physical one, I felt his body trembling with the residual torment he was feeling.

Separating from his touch for a second, I pulled back to search his face.

Passion was there, as it always was when we were together, but pain, too. “You need to see him, Kellan. You need to put this chapter behind you, so you can move forward.”

He shook his head, leaning in to kiss me, to distract himself with the only thing he really knew how to block pain with—sex. I forced myself to push him back, even though a part of me wanted to cave. “You need to,” I reiterated.

His eyes narrowing, he clamped his mouth shut. Inhaling deep, he shook his head again. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you.” I started to object, to reason with him that talking with the man who’d created him, then abandoned him, would help Kellan heal, but he didn’t let me get out two words of my speech.

Mouth set in a firm line, eyes hardened into a firm decision, he again shook his head. “No, you can save all of your logical reasons and philo-sophical viewpoints. I will n ever see that man. Got it?” Then he stood up and walked away, shutting the door on the conversation so hard that I felt my head rattle. Kellan wasn’t ready and I didn’t think he ever would be.

438



24





Chapter


Trying Again


I gave Kellan a few moments of peace, to collect himself, then I went searching for him. I found him in his room, sitting on his bed, staring at the wall. I didn’t know what he was thinking, what he was feeling. His face was blank, expressionless, and I thought that maybe he was just trying to not feel anything.

Leaning against his doorframe, I stared at him for long seconds. He didn’t acknowledge my presence, just kept staring at the wall. Containing a sigh, I whispered, “Can I come in?”

He inhaled and looked over at me. Nodding, he twisted back to stare at the wall. Glancing at the spot he was staring at, I noticed something I hadn’t before. There was a circular section of the wall where the plaster was smooth, not textured like the rest of the wall. It was fist-sized. I bit my lip, hating the thought of Kellan hurting himself by punching a wall.

It hadn’t happened while I’d been here, so it must have been from before…maybe right after his parents had died.

Sitting beside him on the bed, I laid my head on his shoulder. He didn’t do anything at first, then he sighed and laid his head on mine.

“I’m sorry if that was harsh, Kiera. I’m just…don’t push me on this one, okay?”

Knowing this was exactly why he’d kept this secret from me in the first place, I nodded on his shoulder. “Alright, Kellan.” We stayed quietly resting against each other for several minutes. I listened to his even breath, so long absent from my ear. I placed my hand over his heart, just to feel the steady beat. Closing my eyes, I whispered, 439



“How long do you have? Until you have to go back?” I knew he’d left abruptly, just to surprise me, and I also knew he was incredibly busy, prepping the new album. I had to imagine that I didn’t have very long with him.

He confirmed that with one long sigh. “I have a flight in the morning, well, in a few hours now.”

I felt the tears prick my eyes. It was almost cruller that he’d come back only to be ripped away again. But not really. We’d needed this break.

We’d needed these conversations. Clutching his shirt under my fingertips, I wished things were different. I wished he could stay here with me.

“I wish you didn’t have to go…”

He lifted his head off mine and I peeked up at him. Shaking his head, he bunched his brows. “Do you still want to be with me?” he whispered, looking afraid of my answer.