Effortless (Thoughtless, #2)(156)

Blinking, I pulled back to search his face. “Of course.” My hand reached up to brush his cheek. “I’m in love with you. Of course, I still want to be with you.”

He smiled and looked down. “I know I’m not the easiest person to love…I thought maybe you’d had enough…”

Was he joking? I watched his eyes, downcast, sullen, and realized he wasn’t. He really didn’t see anything of value in himself to love. And why would he, when the people he’d loved the most, and I truly did believe he’d loved his parents, despite their cruelties, hadn’t been able to give him an ounce of love in return. Sometimes family was the cruelest form of love there was, for no one could hurt you more than the people who created you.

Forcing his head up, making him look at me, I gave him a warm smile.

“Loving you, Kellan, is so easy, it’s effortless.” His smile matched mine, then I frowned and sighed. “Trusting you…that’s the hard part.” He sighed, his eyes dropping. “We messed up, didn’t we?” 440



“What do you mean?”

Peeking back up at me, he shrugged. “How we got together, the lies, the betrayals…we doomed ourselves before we even started.” He shook his head. “We love each other so much…and we don’t trust each other at all.”

Hearing the fears that I’d had myself being spoken out loud by him made my eyes water, made my stomach tighten. Was it even possible to stay together? Maybe we shouldn’t. Love…wasn’t always enough. And love without trust…was that even love? Maybe all we had was lust after all.

Imagining never being with him again, imagining ending things right here made me start to hyperventilate. We couldn’t end…we just couldn’t. We did love each other. It wasn’t just lust. I loved him so much it nearly brought me to my knees.

I wrapped my arms around him as my breaths came in sharp pulls.

“Don’t leave me,” I begged, when I found the air to speak.

Kellan wrapped his arms around me just as tight. Voice cracking, he murmured, “I won’t…I’m yours, Kiera, for as long as you want me.” Pulling back, I cupped his face. “Forever, I want you forever.” Gazing at me, a tear finally fell down his cheek and over my fingers. “I want that too, Kiera.”

I brought my lips to his, needing to feel the love behind our intense connection, not just the fire. It swept through me instantly, growing in my chest until it was nearly painful. Silently, our lips and the occasional sniffle the only sound, we undressed each other.

When he laid me back on his sheets, his eyes swept down the length of my body. The heat his gaze usually gave me wasn’t there. I still wanted him, intensely, but what was burning through my body, through my soul, was the need to connect with him. To comfort him. To show him that someone in the world cared about him. I wanted to give myself to 441



him in a way that left me completely bare and open. And I wanted him to do the same for me.

Cupping his cheek, I urged him on top of me. Our gazes locked as I wrapped my legs around him. When he slowly slid into me, we both opened our mouths, but neither one of us closed our eyes. He searched my face as we silently began to move together. I felt tears stinging as I whispered, “I love you, Kellan…only you.”

His eyes watered and he briefly closed his eyes. Opening them he murmured, “And I only love you…I will only ever love you.” He lowered his head to kiss me, our bodies still moving slow and steady. When I felt the buildup of my love for him coming to an apex, I grabbed his hand and squeezed it tight. He squeezed me back just as hard. Slowing our pace instead of increasing it, I started to shake with the impending release.

Kellan grabbed my cheek, sucking in a breath as he quickly kissed me.

“I love you. God, I love you so much…”

He let out a quick exhale, his body shuddering as he came. I squeezed him tight as the intensity washed through me. I babbled some incoherent phrase about loving him more than life itself, and cinched my body around him as the joy flooded every muscle, every nerve, every cell in my body.

Tingling with good feelings, we slumped against each other. Word-lessly, Kellan repositioned us and curled into my body. Kissing my hair, he whispered, “I promise I won’t keep anything from you again.” I nodded and kissed him back, the tears restinging my eyes. “And I promise that I won’t keep anything either.” He nodded and we clung to each other. We’d try again. It was all we could do.

I woke up to my favorite thing in the world, a steaming cup of coffee, practically under my nose. Kellan was squatting on my side of the bed, holding it out to me, a content smile on his face, and I reconsidered what 442



my favorite thing in the world was. Smiling, I ignored the cup and reached out for him.

“Hey,” I whispered, my lips lightly brushing his.

“Mornin’,” he whispered back.

I giggled at the words I’d missed so much, then carefully grabbed the cup in his hand. “You are a Godsend,” I murmured, taking a sip.

Chuckling, he ran a hand back through my hair. “You and coffee…” I flushed as I pulled the cup away. Fighting back remnants of sleep, since I really hadn’t had much the night before, I glanced at his clock.

“What time is your flight?”