Nobody's Lost (Rescue Me Saga #5)(62)
Stop dwelling on the past.
With Patrick back in town, she’d decided that tomorrow she’d drive up to Santa Fe to meet Ryder’s sister. Her portfolio was in great shape with the work she’d shot at Ryder’s. Megan had e-mailed her some of the images, and Marcia seemed enthusiastic about having some of them displayed in her gallery. With exhibits in a Santa Fe Plaza storefront, perhaps Megan’s new passion for nature photography could take off.
Not that she would be going back out to Ryder’s place for more shots without an invitation. Fortunately, there were many beautiful spots she did have access to in New Mexico. If the man chose to remain in hiding, then so be it. She’d never set out on a crusade to save him.
Oh, but you did. And you failed miserably.
Once she’d returned home from his place nearly a week ago, she realized he’d gotten dangerously close to breaking down her own self-defense mechanisms. Their friendship had taken off fast, but their relationship had changed forever the night she began exploring kink with him. Memories of the vulnerability she’d felt while restrained that last night washed over her, but in equal measures, she remembered the strength and security she’d experienced. At a single word, he would stop and talk her through her fears, or just stop doing whatever wasn’t working for her.
Why had he pushed her away that night? Had he hit a trigger? She couldn’t figure out what had happened after he’d given her the most incredible orgasm of her life. Her vibrator paled in comparison. She’d had no desire to even plug it in since she’d returned to the city. The difference between using the toy to provide her own pleasure and having someone else control and guide her orgasm—well, there really was no comparison.
A Harley roared by the condo, and the baby startled then began to fuss. The mother moved to pop in a pacifier, giving Megan the time she needed to regain her focus on this shoot. Yeah, right. Thoughts of Ryder were never far from her mind these days and now one of her brother’s neighbors had a Harley. Images of the evening she’d ridden up to Gilman Tunnels on the back of Ryder’s bike invaded her thoughts. That was where she’d first started to fall in love with him.
Perhaps breaking it off when he did was the right thing. What if they’d had sex? She already had enough carnal memories of the man to make her ache for a lifetime, but making love would have made it impossible for her to put him behind her and move on.
With the baby calm again, Megan took several more shots.
She didn’t think she could ever truly move on without talking with Ryder again. God, I miss him. She’d promised to be there for him. Would he agree to dinner sometime if she called him? Certainly not here. He hated the city.
After spending time in his world, she wasn’t too crazy about city living, either.
What would a future relationship with Ryder look like? Could she settle for being friends? Kink would be out of the question. That had quickly ramped up into something he made clear he wasn’t ready for. Although the first night and most of the second, he seemed to be finding as much enjoyment as she was—except that he hadn’t come like she had. Her face grew warm remembering his mouth on…
Even if he did decide he wanted her, would that be enough for him? Men who married usually did so because they wanted to have their own biological children. She’d told him she couldn’t have kids, and the next thing she knew he was following her home to Patrick’s and saying goodbye.
While the mother went to change the baby’s outfit, Megan set a new background and props for the next series of shots, and the baby’s mother stepped back. “You might shake the rattle in front of her, Mrs. Chynoweth.” Megan thought she captured some great shots of the baby’s startled expression, followed quickly by the most precious toothless smile.
She couldn’t wait to do a photography session at Adam and Karla’s the next time she went to Denver. They were experiencing both shock and awe these days.
Megan blinked away the sting in her eyes. At least they know how lucky and blessed they are. She intended to become the greatest aunt in the world, living out her maternal instincts vicariously through all of the nieces and nephews Adam and Karla would give her. Maybe Patrick would find a new love, too, and start a family. Anything was possible.
Just not probable for her.
Why had the future without a nebulous husband been so much easier to accept than going through the rest of her life knowing she might have had someone special like Ryder if only she hadn’t made her irrevocable decision two years ago? But if not for that surgery, who could say where she would be today or what she’d be doing? Maybe she wouldn’t have met Ryder. Even if they couldn’t have more than friendship, living without having some kind of contact with Ryder would be a great disappointment.
After the photo session was completed, she walked the young mother and baby down the hall toward the kitchen. Disarming the security system, she pressed the garage door button on her remote, not wanting to learn Patrick’s new system. As they walked into the garage, Megan said, “I’ll get those proofs to you within a few days.”
“Oh!” The woman startled and held her infant closer to her. Megan turned in the direction Mrs. Chynoweth stared to find Ryder standing beside his Harley in the driveway.
God, he looked beautiful. Her heart pounded with a vengeance. “Hi, Ryder.” She barely noticed the mother giving him a wide berth as they passed him to reach their car.