Nobody's Lost (Rescue Me Saga #5)(67)
Jesus, don’t let me fu—
Before he let the familiar negative thoughts filter into his head, he closed his eyes and breathed in positive thoughts. Megan’s smile. Her laugh.
He met her gaze, more sure of himself than he had been moments ago. “I love you, Megan Gallagher.” Jesus! “Do you realize I haven’t even told you I love you before this?”
She enveloped his hand in both of hers. “You didn’t have to say it for me to know. You said it in so many nonverbal ways. When you reached for my hand as we walked together. The way you made sure I was fed—and very well, I might add—and that I didn’t work too long without a break. The massages. Oh, you can just keep doing those. With the way you protected me from dangers, real or perceived. With the way you—”
He held up his free hand. “Okay, okay. I can see you’re going to be easy to please, my future wife.”
She beamed. “Oh, Ryder, you please me very much. But I also intend to find ways to please you. Not just with kink, although I do want to explore more of that with you. I’m sure I’ll find other ways, too.”
“Oh, Baby, all you have to do is be you. You bring so much joy into my days. I didn’t tell you this, but during my vision quest this week, I encountered your spirit guide animal.”
“Is that like a fetish?”
In the context of the conversation, he knew she wasn’t talking about kink. “What do you know about fetishes?”
She smiled. “After my encounter with the coyote up on your mountain and the amazing connection I felt with him, I had to learn more. So I came home and googled coyotes and their special meanings. The Zuni have incredible information online describing all of the different spirit guide animals.”
“Very good. Zunis specialize in creating beautiful fetish objects, sometimes referred to as a totem or talisman. It’s nothing more than a manmade manifestation of a spirit animal. Small, it can be carried in your pocket for protection or as a reminder of what the guide is trying to teach you.”
Megan reached to open her purse and retrieved a carved, Picasso marble coyote with turquoise blue eyes.
Ryder smiled. “I see you’ve already figured out that the coyote is your spirit animal. He told me so, too. You were more in tune up there than I realized. Oh, and he said he misses you.”
“You spoke with him? I envy you having that ability.”
“He visited me on the last day of my vision quest ritual. Perhaps we can do the purification ceremony and quest together sometime. I’m sure if you quiet your mind long enough, you’ll hear from your spirit guides, not just the animal one but others.”
She scowled jokingly. “Are you saying I talk too much?”
He grinned. “I’m saying your mind is very busy. As is your body.”
“One of the hardest things for me here in the Southwest was to learn to take things a little slower. We probably keep moving in Chicago just to keep warm. Perhaps you can help me with what you have learned about spiritual matters and the Native American ways.”
She shrugged. “Anyway, from what I read online, the coyote shows us that life is unpredictable and uncontrollable. Even when shit happens, it views unexpected occurrences as opportunities, not misfortunes.”
She grew introspective for a moment before meeting his gaze again. “You know, I think I should forgive Grant for what she did. If not for her, I never would have met you. Misfortune turned into opportunity—the chance for me to meet you.”
While he wasn’t there yet, he knew she was right. “One of the things I learned during my quest is that holding on to grudges and bitterness only leads to unhappiness and keeps us estranged from the ones we love.”
“Very true.” She leaned forward and cupped her chin in her hand. “So did you discover your spirit animal?”
“I did.” He knew how she would react and didn’t want to tell her.
“Well? Tell me—or is this something we shouldn’t tell others?”
He sighed. “No, we can share if we wish. Promise you won’t get upset.”
“Why would I be ups—Oh, my God! It’s the rattlesnake, isn’t it?”
“Well, the snake. Yes.”
“I killed your spirit guide animal!”
“No, Megan. You can’t kill a spirit animal. The one you killed did return to me to let me know he had no hard feelings.” Seeing how upset she was, he’d hoped his words might help, but she still seemed distraught. “Megan, he shed this life for another, but he and his brothers and sisters will continue to watch over me.” When tears welled in her eyes, he reached out and stroked her cheek with his thumb. “Please, don’t cry. Remember, we thanked him for providing food for our bodies and honored him as the warrior he was.”
She shook her head, and tears spilled from her eyes. “That’s not why I’m crying. Ryder, from what I read, the snake is perfect for you. I even thought of you when I read about it at the Zuni Web site.”
“Why do you think so?” He was curious to hear what she learned.
She pulled her phone out of her purse. “I can’t remember the wording for yours as well as my own, so let me google it again.”
He shook his head and wondered if she could live without technology.
“Here it is!” She read: “‘The snake is a powerful symbol of our need to discard old ways, patterns, and perspectives. He transforms negative things into something positive.’”