Nobody's Lost (Rescue Me Saga #5)(65)

“It’s different for you. But a man should provide for—”

“Don’t go there, Ryder. I believe in equality. Marriage should be a partnership—with benefits.” She waggled her eyebrows and grinned. “Lots of sexy, kinky benefits.”

Don’t encourage her. He needed to make her see the seriousness here. “It would be selfish of me to ask you to wait for me to get my—

“Wait for what? I don’t think Carlos will be retiring anytime soon. I’m sure he’d let you continue to take care of his property as long as you needed a place to live. We could live there until we get our new careers going.”

He met her gaze. “I’m not going to live with you, Megan.”

She sat back in her chair and pulled her hand away. “Oh.”

“Not until we marry, anyway. Look, I need to talk with Adam and Patrick first to make sure there won’t be any fallout for you. But I’ll make sure they know I’ll do everything in my power to keep you safe, take care of and protect you, and love you with every breath I take.”

“Okay, let me get this straight. You want to marry me, but have to ask Adam and Patrick for permission first?” Wow—such a gentleman. Too bad she didn’t need either of her brothers to approve what she knew was right for her life. “If anything puts the breaks on our relationship, it will be one of us.”

“But your brothers understand firsthand the unpredictability of PTSD. They know there could be some bumpy days ahead. Besides, if they don’t give us their blessing, it would drive a wedge between you and your brothers, and I won’t be responsible for breaking up a family.”

“Life is unpredictable, Ryder.” Before setting him straight on a few things, she did need to make sure he understood what she’d tried to explain last week. No sense in all this talk about marrying only to pull the rug out from under him later.

“Remember what I told you before I left your place?”

He tilted his head. “You said a lot of things. You spoke your truth. I needed to hear it, too.”

She shook her head. “No, not that part. I mean, I’m glad you heard that, but I’m talking about my not being able to have babies.”

“What?” He acted as though he was hearing her for the first time. How could he have missed something that important? But that night she’d been so emotional she didn’t even know what she’d said.

“Ever since I hit puberty, I had the most God-awful painful periods. Two years ago, after having no success with the pill and several surgical procedures, I chose to have a total hysterectomy.”

“God, Megan!” He pushed his plate aside, his dinner mostly untouched, and reached for her hand with both of his. “I remember when my mom had one. It took her a long time to get over that. For you to have to face something like that so young—I hope you weren’t alone, at least.”

Did he even know what this meant for her future—their future, if they still had one? “My mom was with me. You do realize this means I can’t give you little Ryders or Megans?” A tear rolled down her cheek.

“Oh, Baby, please don’t cry. Hell, if the time comes when we want kids, we can adopt. I wouldn’t want to bring more kids into this screwed-up world. Someone needs to take care of the ones who are lost.”

Megan swallowed hard and let the tears continue to stream unimpeded down her face. She blinked when her eyes blurred so much she couldn’t see him any longer. His face continued to swim before her, but she smiled, and a few more tears escaped. He leaned toward her and reached out with his free hand to brush the tears from her left cheek. Her face leaned into the palm of his hand.

Cherished.

She smiled and placed her hand over his. “I will. I do. Whatever the question was—” Thinking back, she realized he hadn’t really asked the question. He’d only stated what he would do if she said yes, after he talked with her brothers. If he didn’t care whether she could give him babies—and she couldn’t imagine wanting to spend another day without him—what more was there to say?

“Ryder Wilson, will you marry me?”





Chapter Twenty-one





Ryder stared at Megan a long moment, wanting to make sure he’d heard her right. The expression on her face told him she was awaiting a response. No, he hadn’t imagined her question, but had she heard anything he’d said earlier?

“Nothing would make me happier, Megan, when the time is right. Let’s give it a few weeks to be sure everyone—”

“Seriously, Ryder, I’m not going to say it again. I don’t need my brothers or anyone else to approve my choice of husband.”

If he did anything to dishonor her among her family… “Megan, it’s not that I need their approval. I just don’t want to cause any—”

“If either of my brothers has a problem with the man I want to spend the rest of my life with, then our family would be seriously broken.” She squeezed his hand. “Trust me, we aren’t any more screwed up than any other family. We don’t bite unless you ask nicely—or deserve it.”

He couldn’t help but grin until the image of Megan biting him sent his thoughts in the wrong direction.

“Ryder, how could they not love you?”