Nobody's Lost (Rescue Me Saga #5)(68)
Surprisingly, that definition touched him more than the one he’d remembered. The words rekindled some of the feelings he’d had during his encounter with the rattlesnake on the last night of his vision quest ritual.
“It also says snakes shed their skin, Ryder. They let go of all their negative baggage and start anew.”
The backs of his eyes burned. “True.” He could barely get the word out and cleared his throat.
In an instant, Ryder knew that during all this talk of marriage and hope for the future, he still wallowed in his negative thoughts of the past and continued worries that he wasn’t good enough for her. He hadn’t changed his mindset one bit since the vision quest. Of course, he’d learned in his group therapy sessions at the VA hospital that any behavioral change takes weeks of repetition and reminders to change.
At least now when he became aware of lapsing into old habits and listening to the long-running tapes in his head, as the shrinks called them, he corrected himself. Progress. One step at a time, the lodge leader had advised.
He brushed his thumb over Megan’s knuckles. “I can’t believe how fast things are moving, but maybe that just means this is right for both of us.”
“Ryder, I knew you were the only man for me by day two—and I only took that long because I was so sure I didn’t want or need a man in my life, or that no man would want me.”
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known—inside and out. Any man would be proud to have you as his wife.”
“Well, I only want one man. You. Say ‘yes’ and make me the happiest girl in New Mexico.”
One thing became crystal clear. As long as Megan wanted him, it didn’t matter what anyone else said.
“As long as our witnesses can forever hold their peace, you’ll make me the luckiest man in the world come Monday—or whenever the state lets us—by becoming my wife.”
Her eyes lit up as her smile broadened. “Really? We can get married by a JP?” When he nodded, she launched herself out of her chair, around the table, and into his lap.
“Oh, I see I can still turn you on after all this time.” She wiggled her ass against his erection.
He pinched her butt. “Don’t be a tease, Baby Girl. You’re supposed to be a virgin.”
“Not for long.”
“Well, I’d like to walk out of this place with a little dignity, so stop squirming.”
What the hell? Sometimes dignity was overrated.
Ryder grabbed a hank of her hair and pulled her backward before he lowered his mouth against hers. She opened herself to him, and his tongue slipped between her lips.
Warm.
Sweet.
Megan.
Her warm breath on his face urged him on and, he pulled her hair back to deepen the kiss as he mouth opened wider. Their tongues tangled and her moan made him grow harder. The way she tried to move on his lap told him she felt it. His hand moved to cup her breast.
Jesus.
Needing to regain some control, he released her mouth leaving both of them gasping for a deeper breath.
“Breathe with me, Baby.” Together, they synchronized their breaths, as they had done the night he introduced her to bondage. His connection to her grew stronger than ever.
When their breathing returned to normal, she smiled. “Oh, my! That was… Um, I think I need to pack so we can go home tonight.” She glanced around the room and he followed her gaze to zero in on one embarrassed server who seemed equally interested in not missing the show.
Dazed, he brought his attention back to Megan. “Home?”
“Well, to your place—yours until we’re married, anyway.”
Hell, no. “With or without your brother’s approval, no way are you sleeping at my house until we’re married.”
“But I spent two nights up there already.”
He heard retreating footsteps as the server apparently decided she’d eavesdropped long enough. “That was different. I was on a mission to protect you then. And we know how much trouble we can get into when we’re alone together.”
She stuck her lower lip out. “You’re not going to be an easy man to live with, are you?”
He grinned, and he fought the urge to pull her into his arms and kiss her. “I promise I’ll try to be a lot easier after we’re married.”
*
Megan gave up trying to tame her hair and pinned a lock of it over her left ear with a barrette to hold it in place. Why were her hands shaking? Thank goodness she hadn’t wanted a big wedding. With Carlos as best man and Marcia the maid of honor, the ceremony would be small and intimate. Patrick would record a candid video for Mom, Adam, and others who couldn’t be here.
She’d bought a form-fitting, calf-length dress made of white Spanish lace while shopping on the Plaza in Santa Fe yesterday after she’d met Ryder’s sister.
Her future sister-in-law was a hoot and had a keen eye for quality art. Knowing she had liked Megan’s work on its own merits without thinking of her as a potential family member gave Megan added confidence in her abilities. No doubt several of her photos would be displayed for sale there from now on and if they sold, she’d send more to Marcia.
“Sis, are you ready?” Patrick’s voice came from the hallway.
“Almost!”
She picked up her handbag and joined him in the hall. Patrick wore a fabulous gray suit. He’d offered to come in uniform, but with this being a civil ceremony, she saw no reason to fuss. How such a handsome man could go without having a woman snatch him up was beyond her.