Nobody's Lost (Rescue Me Saga #5)(58)
When Ryder’s turn to speak came, he was choked up with emotion.
Carlos wrapped his arm around him, only making it harder. He whispered, “Use your medicine. Your verbal medicine.”
“I’ve spent a lot of time letting fear, anger, and guilt eat away at me. First in my childhood and later after returning from the military.” He took a deep breath. “My life had become subsistent living. I kept people at arm’s length or farther and shunned joy…and love. I’ve met someone I think could help me become whole again. My prayer is that she will accept my imperfections.”
The lodge leader added, “Just as you will accept hers.”
Ryder smiled. “Yes. My new path will be one of discovering that being human means there will be nothing perfect. I’ll just have to continue to do the best I am able to with the purest of intentions.”
Please, Great Spirit, don’t let me do anything more to harm Megan.
When all rounds were completed, giveaways were exchanged, and the group feasted on berries, white raisins, corn, and pine nuts, among other natural foods.
All too soon, the time to break down the camp arrived. Ryder tried not to think about this as an ending, though. No, this was the beginning. He had his will to live restored—and the greatest reason of all to live.
He couldn’t wait to go see Megan and share what he had learned.
Chapter Nineteen
Carlos helped Ryder into the house an hour later. His friend had remained silent about whatever the surprise was, but Ryder really just wanted to spend a couple of days rebuilding his strength. The vision quest ritual had been both exhilarating and completely exhausting.
“So she told me not to tell you she was here until now. But where did she get off to?”
Megan? Had she returned? Wanting to stand on his own two feet when he saw her for the first time since his revelations, he broke away and placed a hand on a dining room chair instead. Maybe she was in the bedroom. He wished he’d had some time to regain his strength before facing her—and maybe take a shower.
Ryder turned to his friend. “Thanks for everything, man. I can take it from here.”
Carlos laughed. “She told me you might not be too eager to see her.”
“Oh, I want to see her all right. I’ve figured out a lot of things that in the last few—”
“Wilson. How are you doing?”
Ryder stiffened when heard the familiar, yet out-of-place, voice. “Grant? What are you doing here?”
“There’s something I needed to tell you. About the break-in at Megan Gallagher’s.”
“Do you know who did it?”
She nodded, and her gaze strayed to Carlos. “I’d prefer to discuss it in private.”
Carlos held his hands out. “Hey, I know when I’m not wanted.” He turned to Ryder and smiled. “Welcome home, man. We’ll talk tomorrow. Get some shut-eye—when you can.”
Did he think there was something romantic or sexual going on with Grant? Well, he’d set him straight tomorrow. Right now, the woman had information that concerned Megan, and he wanted to find out what happened.
They hugged and clapped each other on the back before saying goodbye, and Carlos left the two of them alone. Ryder turned to Grant again. “Want some coffee?”
“No. I can’t stay. Just wanted to explain some things.”
Ryder pointed to a chair, and they sat across from each other at the table. Grant fiddled with the woven placemat. What the hell was taking her so long?
Had something happened while he was on his vision quest? “Is Megan in any danger?”
Grant met his gaze. “No. She never was. I made sure.”
“You? Did Top send you down here to check on her, too?”
Maybe he didn’t trust Ryder to get the job done after all.
Shit. Some vote of confidence, Top.
But if Top had known what kind of shape Ryder had been in the night he called, he probably wouldn’t have relied on Ryder to handle this alone. Hell, more likely, he’d have sent some of his Marines to check on Ryder instead.
“The reason I know Megan wasn’t in danger is because…I’m the one who broke into Patrick Gallagher’s condo and stole the computer.”
Holy f*ck.
“Why the hell did you want her computer?” This didn’t make any sense.
She glanced down at the placemat and rubbed the bridge of her nose before meeting his gaze again. “Wilson, I’ve had you under surveillance since soon after you checked out of the VA Hospital. You had me worried for years before that, but try as I may, I wasn’t finding you in any databases. It was like you disappeared off the face of the earth. Scared the piss out of me.”
Now she made even less sense. “Mind telling me what business it is of yours where I go or what I do with my life?”
She narrowed her gaze. “I made it my business to keep track of you guys ever since Fallujah. You treated me as one of your unit and respected my skills, regardless of the fact that I was a woman.”
“What else would we do? You were a member of our team.”
“You don’t know how it is in some other units. Anyway, since then I’ve made it my business to make sure none of my unit becomes a suicide statistic.”
She referred to the reports showing an appalling number of American veterans were killing themselves every day. Many were from Joe’s Vietnam era, but he knew of more than enough who had served since 9/11 who hadn’t been able to fight the demons at home.