Nobody's Lost (Rescue Me Saga #5)(55)
As they neared the fire where the grandfather and grandmother lava stones were being heated, Ryder recognized the fire tender as one of Carlos’s cousins and nodded in his direction. In between the fire and the lodge was the altar barrier. Rather than a buffalo skeleton, he guessed this one was of a cow, long bleached by the sun in the desert. At the base of the altar were offerings of sage, sweetgrass, and feathers he and others left during the construction of the lodge.
Most of the other men standing around waiting to begin were strangers to Ryder, and only a couple of them had native features. One looked to be closer to sixty years than forty. He wore a baseball cap identifying himself as a Vietnam vet. The younger men had likely served in more recent conflicts, most since the Gulf War. Like Ryder and Carlos, they didn’t wear anything to identify when and where they had served. And yet all were brothers having served their country, most having seen firsthand the horrors of combat.
When the purification lodge leader instructed the nine men to prepare themselves, each man queued up on the tobacco-lined path to the entrance. Carlos, serving as the doorkeeper, explained that the tobacco represented the umbilical cord—and the lodge, the womb of Mother Earth herself.
Before leaving to take his place at the door, Carlos hugged Ryder. “Find your peace, my friend. Use your medicine. Your verbal medicine. Don’t keep things inside any longer.”
Unable to speak from the welled-up emotions, Ryder simply nodded and hoped when the time came to offer his prayer in the ceremony, the words would come.
Soon he stood before the lodge leader, being brushed down with the eagle fan and smudged with burning sage. Ryder bowed in humility to the Great Spirit and re-entered the womb of Mother Earth following the man before him. Each crawled around the circle from left to right just as the sun moved across the sky and sat cross-legged facing the center pit. The last man to enter was the sweat leader who instructed Carlos to close the flap at the doorway.
The sun had set by this time, and the lodge interior became dark as pitch.
The purification ceremony had begun.
*
“You are free to leave at any time if you cannot endure a round,” the leader announced. “There is no shame in listening to your body and meeting its needs. If you must leave, speak out ‘Mitakuye Oyasin,’ or ‘All my relatives’ in English, and everyone will be asked to move forward to allow you to pass behind them in clockwise fashion to the entrance where I will signal the doorkeeper to allow you to leave.”
The leader held the sacred pipe, known as chanunpa, in his hand and filled the bowl with tobacco as he continued. “You may need to leave between the four rounds, as well, and are encouraged to take a dip in the river to revive yourself. Each round will last about half an hour unless we find more we need to talk over. I will explain the significance of each round as we proceed tonight.”
After the brief silence where each man was asked to contemplate why he was here, the flap was raised, and the fire tender asked to bring in the first heated stones from the sacred fire. One at a time, a total of seven glowing rocks were placed in the pit that had been dug in the center of the lodge, with the final one being placed in the middle of the others representing the Grandfather. Carlos was instructed to close the flap again. The glowing rocks permitted the men in the circle to make out each other’s forms now. Heat reached Ryder swiftly, enveloping him in warmth and taking the chill off the night. Then the leader poured water over the stones, and steam filled the enclosed space.
Wet. Dark. Mother Earth. The womb.
The leader invoked:
Grandfather, Mysterious One,
We search for you along this
Great Red Road you have set us on
each in search of the right path for himself.
Ryder drew a deep breath, momentarily distracted, but a moment or so later heard:
Give us the strength and the will
to lead ourselves and our children
past the darkness we have entered.
Teach us to heal ourselves,
to heal each other,
and to heal the world.
Overcome with emotion, tears burned the backs of Ryder’s eyes.
Shake it off.
Ryder’s body shook as he tried to listen to his mother’s advice and rein in his weak emotions, but just as he hadn’t been able to remain stoic around Megan, he couldn’t hide from the Grandfather, Grandmother, or the Relatives, either. A dam burst as a sob broke free, and the Vietnam vet seated to his left, a man he didn’t even know by name, placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.
Rather than feel a need to hide in embarrassment, the older man’s reaching out left Ryder feeling accepted and supported, just as Megan had done when she’d held him as he’d cried in the kitchen a few nights ago.
Spirits invoked, the chanunpa passed from one man to the next, each offered up his personal prayer. Some gave their names and told why they had come. Two men asked questions seeking advice on achieving their goals, and the leader answered as best he could before inviting others present to share their wisdom.
Ryder found new understanding and truths of his own in hearing each man’s words. All were equals. A sacred band of brothers. Lost souls all seeking to be reborn as the pure beings they once had been before the trials of the world had been unleashed upon them.
When the pipe passed to Ryder, he thanked the lodge leader and the Relatives for this opportunity to be here. “I am grateful to the Great Spirit for bringing me through to this point in my life and hope that I will find the lessons I needed to learn from my experiences. But I have hurt many people I loved out of fear and anger over the past several decades. I ask the Creator for guidance and to forgive me for hurting those I love.”