The Dilemma(49)

I walk across the lawn, vaguely aware of Livia disappearing into the house with Max. I keep my eyes fixed ahead so that I don’t get ambushed by people wanting to chat, and when I get to the top of the steps, I pause. In my mind, I see everyone gathered on the terrace below, waiting for Livia to open her present. I’m standing next to her and as she bends to open the box, Marnie springs out. Everyone is laughing and exclaiming and Livia, after hugging Marnie until they are both in tears, throws her arms around me and tells me it’s the best present ever. I see everything. And then I see nothing.

Except – someone is coming in the side gate, pushing it slowly open. My heart starts racing, just as it did when Amy rang on the doorbell. Don’t get your hopes up, I tell myself. You’ll only be disappointed. But I’m already running down the steps and across the terrace.

I get to the gate and jerk at it, the wood sticking as I pull it open. And then I stop. Because it’s not Marnie. My body slumps against the wooden panels. I bite down hard on the inside of my mouth until I taste blood, and stare at an older woman I’ve never seen before.

‘Hello, Adam,’ she says and, recognising her voice, I realise that I’m looking at Livia’s mother.

‘Patricia,’ I say dully.

‘I received your letter.’ She waits for me to say something. ‘And an invitation for tonight,’ she says when I don’t respond. ‘I’d like to see Livia, if that’s all right.’

A wave of panic sweeps through me. Is this something else I’ve got wrong? What if Livia doesn’t want to see her mother, not here, not now, not at her party? And what if her mother hasn’t come to make peace, but to cause more trouble?

She tries again. ‘I won’t stay long; I have a car waiting for me.’

‘I don’t want any trouble,’ I say, finding my voice. ‘It’s a special day for Livia.’

‘Yes, I know.’

‘No, you don’t know,’ I say roughly. ‘This party is to make up for the wedding she never had.’

Her face flushes. ‘I wish things could have been different.’

‘So why are they now?’

She holds my gaze. ‘Her father died a few months back.’

She doesn’t say anything more but it’s enough. Livia’s father was a domineering bully and when I think about it now, he was the one who told Livia they didn’t want anything more to do with her. Maybe her mother didn’t have a choice. I look at her more closely. It’s not surprising I didn’t recognise her. Her hair was always pulled back in a severe bun, now it hangs to her shoulders in soft waves.

‘I’m not sure today’s the right time to tell her,’ I say, wishing more than ever that I hadn’t written that letter.

‘I’d still like to see her,’ she says, standing her ground. ‘Josh and Marnie too, just to say hello. Has Marnie arrived yet?’





Livia


The best thing about so many people being at the party is that nobody has noticed I’ve been missing for a while. I might have stayed in the marquee longer but Liz and her team started bringing the food in and now people are serving themselves. I duck out of the marquee and take a quick look around. Josh is with Amy and Max, and Rob is thankfully nowhere to be seen. But safety is in numbers, and spotting a group of my work friends chatting together, I go over. At the same time as I’m encouraging them to go and have something to eat, I’m wondering how Adam took the news that Josh doesn’t want to go the States. Fortunately for Josh, his dad’s disappointment will soon be trumped by something bigger.

During my time alone in the marquee, I was trying to work out whether it would be better to wait until we’re in France to tell Adam about Marnie and Rob. I have visions of him jumping on his motorbike and riding off to find Rob, then beating the hell out of him, and although the thought is viciously pleasing, I can’t risk him doing that. If we’re not in the same country, the fallout will be less immediate, so hopefully less traumatic for everyone. And again, there’s that thing – if I tell him as soon as the party is over, he’ll think I didn’t tell him before because I wanted it to go ahead, no matter what.

I look around and see Cleo sitting on the wall, taking a rest from dancing. I go over and sit down beside her.

‘How’s my favourite goddaughter?’ I ask, putting my arm around her and giving her a hug.

‘Happy birthday, Livia,’ she says, hugging me back. ‘Are you having a nice day?’

‘The best,’ I tell her.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t come and say hello when I arrived but you always seemed to be with someone.’

‘No-one as important as you. Thank you for coming. It’s bad enough Marnie not being here.’ I know I should ask her if she had a nice time in Hong Kong because it will be strange if I don’t, but I hate that the only reason Rob took her there was so that he and Marnie could be together.

‘Did you have a good time in Hong Kong?’ I ask anyway.

‘Yes, it was lovely to see Marnie, although she was at uni more than I expected. And Dad ended up having to work so I spent a lot of time on my own.’

How could you, Marnie, I think, how could you?

‘So, how’s life?’

She pulls a face. ‘I think Charlie might be cheating on me. Otherwise, everything’s fine.’