The Dilemma(48)

But he’d have told Marnie that I know, and I need to speak to her, to get her side of the story before Rob tells her what to say, before she has time to prepare to lie about how and when it all started, if only to protect Rob. And while she’s caught unawares, I want to ask her if she realises the full extent of what she’s done, because I can’t believe that she does. I can’t believe that she’s gone into this relationship with Rob with her eyes wide open. She can’t have realised that once their affair becomes common knowledge, Adam will never speak to Rob again, which will affect his friendship with Nelson. She can’t have realised that Nelson might never speak to Rob again, which will affect their whole family. She can’t know that Jess might never speak to me again, or realise that Kirin’s loyalties will be torn because Jess is her sister-in-law. She can’t know that Josh will be horrified at what she’s done, or realise that for Cleo to know her best friend is having an affair with her father will be devastating. It isn’t possible that Marnie has realised any of this, because if she has, I don’t think I could ever forgive her.





9 P.M. – 10 P.M.





Adam


‘Dad?’

I turn my attention away from Izzy. ‘Yes, Josh?’

‘Sorry to interrupt. Aunt Izzy, can I borrow Dad for a minute?’

‘Sure. And make him take something for that migraine. He looks terrible.’

‘Shall we go to your shed?’ Josh suggests.

As I turn to follow him, I see Amy talking to Rob and Max, and notice that although Max seems to be listening, he’s actually staring over their shoulders at something or someone. I follow his eyes and see that they’re fixed on Livia, who is disappearing into the marquee. The way he’s looking at her makes me pause, throws my mind off balance. What is going on with Livia and Max?

‘Are you coming, Dad?’

We push our way into the shed. Josh leans back against the workbench, his arms folded in front of him. I remember now that I’m meant to have found a photo of the ring to give Livia.

‘I didn’t find one,’ I say.

‘What?’

‘A photo.’

He takes a really deep breath. ‘Sorry Dad, but I’m not going.’

‘Not going where?’ I say. Does he really think that I want him to go and pick up the ring, even though the shop is shut?

‘To New York.’

‘New York?’

‘Yes. I don’t want to take up my internship.’

It’s so far removed from what I thought he was going to say that it takes me a moment to catch up.

‘Right,’ I say. ‘OK.’

He pushes away from the bench and begins pacing up and down. ‘I know you must be disappointed. And I know my reason for not going is a bit pathetic. The thing is, I love Amy and I don’t want to be apart from her for a year. It’s been hard enough these last six months with me in Bristol and her in Exeter.’ He gives an embarrassed laugh. ‘I think she’s the one, Dad, I really do. I know I’m only twenty-two – well, nearly twenty-three – and I haven’t known her very long, but there’s something about Amy—’

‘Josh,’ I say, stopping him. ‘It’s fine. It’s not a problem. If you don’t want to go to New York, don’t go.’

He stares, relief washing over his face. ‘Really?’

‘Yes.’ I swallow painfully. ‘Life’s too short. Just do what makes you happy.’

He shakes his head slowly. ‘You wouldn’t believe how worried I’ve been about telling you.’

‘Why?’

‘Because you found me the internship.’

‘That doesn’t mean you have to take it.’

He runs a hand through his hair. ‘I must seem so ungrateful.’

‘Not at all.’ A wave of exhaustion comes over me. ‘Look, can we talk about this later? I don’t know – maybe Bill can switch your internship to London – I presume that’s where you want to be, near Amy?’

‘Yes. Marnie is with me on this one, by the way. She says it’s not worth going abroad if I spend most of my time there being miserable.’

Marnie. ‘Let’s talk tomorrow,’ I say. ‘We’d better get back out there.’

‘I need to go and find Amy. She thinks you’re annoyed with her, that you think it’s her fault I don’t want to go to New York.’

‘Then please tell her I’m not.’

He looks at me curiously. ‘So why were you off with her when she arrived, if you didn’t know?’

‘It’s this migraine, that’s all.’

‘Thanks, Dad.’ He comes over and gives me an unexpected hug. ‘You really are the best.’

He leaves and I stand there, trying to process what he just told me. It seems so unimportant compared to Marnie. Would I really have been disappointed – bitter, even – if he’d told me any day before today that he wasn’t taking up the internship? Probably.

I leave my shed. I’m desperate to know what time it is, but for the first time tonight, I can’t face checking my phone. Amy arrived around eight thirty-five, that I know. Then I was stopped by Nelson, then I spoke to another couple of people, got them a drink, made sure Jess was alright, got her and Kirin a drink – all that must have taken thirty minutes. Then Izzy cornered me, for at least ten minutes, then Josh for another ten. It must be around half-past nine. In the world I inhabited before, Marnie would have arrived. I’d have got her text to say she was at the gate, I’d have met her at the side door and after a quick, secret hug, I’d have taken the box from under the table and helped her into it. And now, right now, we’d all be down on the terrace.