The Dilemma(52)

At the top of the steps, I bump straight into Mum who, without a word, drags me over to where Izzy and Ian are sitting with Jess, Rob, Nelson and Kirin.

‘Sit down,’ she says, pushing me onto a chair. ‘I’ll get you something to eat.’

I fall into the chair. My elbows find the table and I put my head in my hands.

‘Everything alright, Adam?’ Jess asks.

‘Livia’s mother just arrived,’ I say, forcing my head up.

‘What?’ Kirin almost spills her water.

‘Oh gosh, is she OK?’ Jess asks worriedly.

Nelson gives me a glass of wine and I take it, my fingers fumbling on the stem.

‘I think so. I left her down on the terrace.’

‘What, with that old battleaxe?’ Rob says. ‘Was that wise of you?’

I’m so tired I can’t find the energy to shut him down. ‘She seems different. Livia’s father is dead, apparently.’

‘Oh no. Poor Livia!’ Kirin looks upset.

‘No great loss, if you ask me,’ Rob says. ‘He was always a miserable bastard.’

He says it as if he knew Livia’s father, when I know he never actually met him. I take a sip of wine, then finish the whole glass in one. The alcohol mixes with my exhaustion and begins to numb the fear of never seeing Marnie again. She can’t have been on the plane that crashed, I tell myself, the alcohol making me bold. I’d know if something had happened to her, I’d just know.

Kirin and Izzy are discussing Patricia’s arrival, their voices rushed. When Patricia asked me if Marnie had arrived, I told her the flight had been delayed and that she wouldn’t be arriving until after midnight. And reminded her not to say anything to Livia.

I’ve told so many lies tonight. I reach for my glass, then remember it’s empty.

‘Adam, did you hear me?’

I look across the table at Rob. He’s lounging back in his chair, his right foot raised and resting on his left leg, his hands behind his head.

‘Sorry?’

‘I asked if you ever believed that Aldershot would beat Leeds in the third round of the FA Cup.’

I struggle to follow what he’s saying. ‘What?’

‘Come on Rob, of course they never would have!’ Nelson says from across the table.

Rob’s face momentarily hardens. ‘I was asking Adam,’ he says. ‘Anyway,’ he adds, his features flipping back into a smile, ‘Leeds would have beaten Aldershot if the referee hadn’t been biased. And then they’d have slaughtered Man United!’

A few people laugh and I feel a weird sense of disorientation. I can’t believe that I’m sitting here, listening to people talking about football. I need to move. I can’t stay here.

I’m pushing my chair back, when the words ‘plane crash’ slam into my consciousness. My heart misses a beat and I stare at Rob, because I’m sure it was him who uttered the words. But he’s looking at Ian, not me.

‘You mean the Pyramid Air flight?’ Ian asks. ‘Yes, I saw it on the news. It’s heartbreaking.’

‘I didn’t read any of the news reports, it’s too sad,’ Jess says.

‘It crashed on take-off from Cairo,’ Rob explains, leaning forwards. ‘It was on its way to Amsterdam. Around two hundred and forty people on board. No survivors, apparently.’

Jess shivers and pulls a shawl over her shoulders. ‘I hate flying. That’s why I didn’t want to go to Hong Kong. That, and Rob not wanting me to go.’

‘Only because I thought the flight would be too much for you,’ Rob says, putting his hand on her knee.

‘I hate flying too,’ Izzy says. ‘Every time I hear about a crash, I vow never to get on a plane again. I always do, though.’

‘Let’s change the subject, shall we?’ Ian suggests. ‘It doesn’t seem right that we’re sitting here drinking and chatting when so many people will be grieving.’

‘You’re right – but life’s too short,’ Rob says. ‘And it has to go on.’ He lifts his glass. ‘Cheers.’

There’s a sound of breaking glass and I feel a stab of pain. Looking down, I see that the wine glass has shattered in my hand.

‘Adam! You’re bleeding!’ Izzy cries.

As well as bleeding, my hand is also shaking uncontrollably. Grabbing a napkin, I cover it and stand up. ‘I need to go and get this sorted.’

‘Do you want me to come with you?’

‘No, please don’t, it’s fine.’

‘Adam? What’s happened?’

I look up and see Livia standing in front of me. I think Marnie might have been on the plane that crashed, Livia. That’s what’s happened.

‘He cut himself on a glass,’ Izzy says. ‘He’s OK, he’s going to clean it up.’

Livia pulls the napkin from my hand. ‘Ouch,’ she says, peering at the gash. ‘It’s deep. It must hurt.’

‘Are you alright, Livia?’ Jess asks.

‘Yes, I’m fine.’

‘Adam says your mum is here?’

Livia smiles at her ‘Was. She just left.’

‘How did it go?’ Kirin asks carefully, as if she’s almost afraid to ask.