The Dilemma(54)

‘It is – but I’m still trying to get my head around it.’ A slight frown crosses his face. ‘Livia, is Adam alright?’

‘Yes, apart from his migraine. Why?’

‘It’s just that he didn’t tease me about being a dad of five.’

‘Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll get around to it,’ I say, laughing. Something behind me catches his eye and turning, I see that he’s watching Jess.

‘How do you think Jess is?’ he asks. ‘You haven’t seen her for a few weeks – did you find a change in her when you went out for lunch today?’

‘I found her quite frail,’ I say. ‘More unsteady on her feet than before.’

He nods slowly. ‘I think she’s gone downhill fast, and so does Kirin, but when I tried to talk to Rob about it, he said that wasn’t the case at all. I think he’s in denial.’

And I think he’s a dirty fat cheat, I rant silently.

‘He actually said that she’s becoming more independent by the day, and that she can manage perfectly on her own. That worried me a bit. Well, a lot actually, although I’m not sure why.’

A chill goes down my spine. Please, please don’t let me be right about Rob planning to leave Jess for Marnie.

‘It seemed a strange thing to say,’ Nelson goes on. ‘Maybe his bosses are putting pressure on him to travel again and he’s trying to convince himself that Jess will be alright without him.’

No, he’s preparing us, I realise. He’s preparing us so that the day he does leave Jess, he’ll say he thought she could manage without him.

‘I’m worried about him,’ Nelson finishes. ‘Sorry, Livia, I shouldn’t have bothered you with this tonight of all nights.’

‘It’s fine. I’m just glad everybody is here together.’ For maybe the last time, I want to add and for one crazy moment, I want to tell Nelson what Rob has done and what I’m scared he’s going to do.

‘Except Marnie,’ he says.

‘Yes, except Marnie.’

But I can’t tell Nelson, not until I’ve spoken to Adam. For now, it’s enough that Max knows, enough that someone is as appalled as I am. It was depressing to have it confirmed that Rob was actually in Hong Kong with Marnie last December, not in Singapore. I’d hoped I’d been wrong about that, I’d hoped that he hadn’t lied to Jess, to us, about being on a business trip, to start up his affair with Marnie again. Why couldn’t he have left her alone?

Nelson gives my arm a squeeze. ‘I’ll catch you later.’

As he moves off, I try to imagine what it would have been like if Marnie hadn’t had a miscarriage, and had gone on to have Rob’s baby. I see now why she didn’t want Josh to know about the miscarriage. She would have been worried that he’d tell Max, and that because Max had seen her and Rob together in Durham, he’d have guessed Rob was the father. He might have had reservations about telling me and Adam about their affair, but if he knew there was a baby, he’d have been more likely to tell us.

Again, I feel a flicker of sympathy for my parents – or rather my father, because maybe Mum would have been alright about me being pregnant if it hadn’t been for him. My pregnancy must have seemed the worst possible thing that could happen, the end of his world as he knew it. The difference is that I’m afraid for those I love, while he was only afraid for himself, how it would look to other people.

‘Livvy?’ I look up and see Mike, his brow crinkled with concern, his tall frame stooped towards me. I love that he came in a jacket and tie tonight, though he’s taken both off now. ‘Are you alright?’

‘Never been better,’ I say, pushing Marnie and Rob to the back of my mind. Jeannie comes over and I put my arms round both of them. ‘Did you know that Mum turned up?’

‘Yes, we heard,’ Jeannie says. ‘We’re so glad for you, Livvy.’

‘I still can’t believe it. It’s the one thing I was really hoping for tonight, that my parents would turn up. If they hadn’t, I was prepared to give up on the dream that we’d be reconciled one day. And now, my dream has come true, and it’s the best feeling ever.’ I reach up and kiss their cheeks, first Jeannie, then Mike. ‘I’m so lucky to have you both. I don’t know what I’d have done without you over the years. You’ve been wonderful parents to me.’

‘We’re always here to help, you know that,’ Mike says.

‘I do, and I love you for it. Did Josh tell you that he’s decided not to go to New York?’

‘Yes, he did. I guess it must have been a bit of a disappointment for Adam. When he phoned this afternoon, I knew he had something on his mind.’

‘It couldn’t have been that because Josh only told him tonight,’ I say, puzzled. ‘Didn’t he say why he was calling?’

‘No, not really. It felt as if he was all at sea about something.’

‘I think this party may be the reason,’ I say ruefully. ‘He’s been more worried about it than I have. He knows how important it is to me, and maybe the pressure got to him. And,’ I lower my voice, ‘I think there’s a bit of a problem with my present. Josh gave me the heads up so that I won’t be disappointed. Not that I would be.’