Don't Let Me Fall(62)

can’t do anything to help his child. He thinks he’s useless. I don’t want him to feel like that.

“I love you, Birdie,” Dad said wiping my eyes. “But don’t think for a second that I’m letting that go.” He’ll never let me fall. “No boys upstairs. Especially if the house

is empty. You’re still my daughter and I think of you as my little girl.”

“Dad, we both know I’m not a little girl anymore,” I said, chuckling. He knows I had way too much sex and am basically an easy lay to whoever won’t tell me their name.

“I know. One day when you have kids–”

My eyes flicked up to his and he stopped talking. We have one rule–Dad, Jacky and I. ‘Don’t mention kids and me in the same sentence.’ I’m too screwed up to even live my life,

how the f-uck am I going to bring someone else into this world. My f*cked up world.

“You’ll understand where I’m coming from someday,” Dad finished. “Kelsey comes home tomorrow,” he said changing the subject. “Matty’s not going to school for the rest of the

week and Jacky is taking time off work. If you feel like you need space, home probably won’t be the place for it.”

He gets me too.

“I’ll figure it out,” I said. “Thanks, Dad.”

“For what?” he asked when I got to the door.

“For never giving up on me,” I said glancing over my shoulder. That’s when I saw it. He knows that I know Mom didn’t want me. He did. He never gave up on me.

I walked toward my room and climbed into bed. Hunter was beside me and he made me feel safe.

Right now, I trust myself.

I trust that I won’t hurt myself.



- 14 -



Mom’s funeral is tomorrow. Jacky and Dad got everything ready so everything would be fine. The funeral will be private. I honestly don’t know why I have to go but Kelsey is a mess

and she chose to lean on me. I can’t push her off so I agreed. And Ricardo or Richard is going to be there. Douchebag picked the spot for her burial. I don’t understand why he

even has a say. He was the boyfriend. He was the guy she f*cked until the next one with a bigger penis decided to come along. He wasn’t going to last.

I was on my way to Curry to meet up with the twins when my phone rang and Jacky told me something that made my heart stop and tighten for a while like someone was squeezing it. Mom

’s brakes were cut. The police investigated the accident and they found the brakes tampered with.

I stopped walking when I heard that.

I almost dropped to my knees because for a split second, Mom was Mom again. She was the woman who kissed me goodnight and made pancakes every Saturday morning.

Someone cut her brakes.

Someone killed my mom.

Then my heart closed back up and I stared at the ground. She’s the woman who wanted me dead. Gone. I didn’t think about my mom then. I thought about Kelsey. Someone tried to kill

my mom and Kelsey got hurt.

“What’s wrong?” Logan asked tilting my chin up. He always finds me. It’s creepy. But we’re still seeing each other so I kind of let it slide. Mostly for the fact that we’ve

barely touched each other since the day of the car accident. I don’t know why he puts up with me. And why do I let him? Shouldn’t I cut him loose and let him find some girl that

will f-uck him every day and ask questions and do fun things? I’m boring, we don’t have sex and I don’t talk that much.

“Nothing,” I said turning my head away from him.

His hand dropped to my arm and I saw the way his eyes hardened. I’m shutting him out and he knows it. He’s trying to break through my walls but I keep building them up again.

“Do you want to go somewhere?” he asked. “You have time before work so–”

“Hey!” Alyssa said walking up to us. “IV has eggnog everything so Aimee and I are heading over. Coming?” Logan did ask if I wanted to go somewhere so heading to International

Village aka his dorm building, counted.

That’s how we ended up here.

Drinking eggnog.

Logan got me an extra cup and he’s holding it hostage because it’s the last cup left so I have to grab it from him every time I want a sip. Which he keeps drinking from.

When I reached for it, our fingers brushed and it wasn’t lost on me how it sent a burning heat down my spine that made me cross my legs to keep from squirming. Holy f-uck, that was

hot!

“Feeling okay?” Logan smirked.

“Yeah, hand over the eggnog,” I said.

“I think I’ll keep it,” he said taking a sip.

I raised an eyebrow at him and crossed my arms over my chest. “Fine, keep it,” I said, trying not to punch him in the face to steal it.

His eyes held mine and something in me exploded. One second I was sitting in my chair, the next, I’m shoving my tongue down Logan’s throat. The eggnog was set on the table so he

could touch me. And it feels f-ucking good.

“Whoa, lovebirds,” Darren said clearing his throat. “Some people are trying to eat.” I don’t give a shit! They can look away.

Having Logan pressed against my body, felt right. Normal. Exciting. I didn’t want to stop kissing him but I pulled away a bit to look at him. I stared at his lips. His eyes. His