Don't Let Me Fall(58)

“Because I’m a girl and my vagina took over.”

I’ve come to terms with that.

“No,” Victor said shaking his head. “It’s because you’re a girl and your heart took over.”

“Please,” I said rolling my eyes. “Don’t say that word when I’m involved.” Heart. That f-ucking word tastes bitter on my tongue.

I’m heartless. The only thing that feels anything is my lady parts. Having a heart has nothing to do with me.

“Show me your wrists,” Victor said.

“No.” What the hell.

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Why not?”

“Because.”

“Because,” he mocked, making a face. “You don’t want people to see them because you’re scared of what they’ll say, Becka. Scared. Meaning you feel something. You put up a wall

but there is a crack in it waiting for someone to break through and show you there is something out there.” He held out his hand. “Show me your wrists.”

I feel like a whining baby right now. I just want to tell him to f-uck off so I can hide away in my room and squeeze Hunter to death. And maybe cry until I fall asleep.

I slid the sweater’s sleeve up and held out my arm.

“Just one?” Victor asked taking it.

“I can do the other one if you want them to match.”

Victor stared at me for a few seconds until he turned his eyes on the scar. His thumb slid over it and I saw his muscles tense. That’s pretty much what everyone does. Either that

or their eyes widen in a yup-she’s-f-ucking-crazy way.

“Why did you do it?” he asked.

It was the only way to fly…

“Because my best friend was murdered, I witnessed her die and my life was falling apart,” I said pulling the sleeve back down and crossing my arms over my chest.

Victor looked up at me again. “So you thought offing yourself would fix things?” YES! Why does no one understand that?! I’M FUCKED UP! I do stupid shit that only makes sense to

me!

“It seemed right at the moment!”

“And now?”

I sighed and dropped my head.

“I’m not upset over the fact that my mom is dead,” I said. “Do you think that’s normal?” I licked my lips and stared at my mug. “So yes, to answer your question, it still

plays in my head. And it’s all I think about, all the time.”

“So one day you might just snap?”

“Victor, I already snapped. One day I’m going to explode and Chernobyl will look like a f-ucking walk in the park.” I rubbed my temple. He’s giving me a headache because he’s

making me think about this stuff.

“You think you’re a lost cause,” he said standing up and walking over to me. He made me stand so he could steer me upstairs. I would think he’s hinting at something but he’s

not like that…I mean…I hope not.

“I’m just taking up space and stealing oxygen that some other person who would enjoy life could have,” I whispered. I am a lost cause. I know that. I don’t feel sorry for

myself. I just don’t care.

“Stop talking,” Victor said walking into my room. “You’re making me want to strangle you or something.” I was going to comment on that but I shut my mouth and climbed into bed.

“Cuddle the bear and have happy thoughts. I’ll be right here guarding the door.” His eyes found Hunter. “Wait…is that the golden bear?” I nodded. “What the f-uck?! That

f*cker has cockblocked me for years. And emasculated me. How the hell did you get him?”

“Logan won him,” I said with a small smile. This bear has broken people up and left some sobbing for days. No one tries to win the bear unless they’re really stupid and don’t

care. And they believe. Ugh! Logan is so stupid for winning this bear!

“Lucky bastard.”

“Would you like to spend time with him? He’s very soft to sleep with.” Victor smiled and nodded. Yup, bears make men softies too. I have to admit that’s adorable. “That

involves you getting in the bed so don’t try anything. I will rip your balls off.”

“Relax,” Victor said turning off my light. “I’ll be gone in fifteen minutes.” He’s going to wait until I fall asleep, where he knows I won’t try anything on myself. Smart.

“Picture me a man,” I said. “I’ll picture you gay.”

We stayed on the edge of the bed until I fell asleep.

And Hunter was the witness that nothing happened.



***

I heard noise around me, in the distance, but I didn’t want to open my eyes. The feeling of my bed and blanket cocooning me, keeping me safe, is the main reason why. I pulled my

blanket even higher and reached for Hunter. When my hand snaked around warm skin, my eyes shot open.

I was confused for a second when the blur on the opposite side of me started to come into focus. Victor…and he has my bear.

The sight is actually funny.

He is literally cuddling Hunter like a baby holds his favorite toy. But that’s my bear. And he’s in my bed.

“Hey.” I nudged his arm. He didn’t move. “Victor.” I nudged him again. He just groaned and shooed me away. Bitch. I uncurled his fingers and managed to snatch Hunter away.