Don't Let Me Fall(55)

us.

“For some reason, she thinks we’re in high school,” I said. “The stares and the attitude are getting annoying.”

“You don’t look like you got bullied,” Shaun said eyeing me.

“I wasn’t,” I stated. “My mouth made people turn the other way.” I was a bitch to people who didn’t like me. I didn’t care either.

“Are you sure it wasn’t the tattoos?” Kevin asked.

“I didn’t get them in high school. When I turned eighteen, I was already a freshman at college. That’s when I started getting them,” I said numbly. “Didn’t need parental

consent. Best birthday present ever.”

“Hm, just you wait until Christmas,” Caleb said pointing his fork between me and Aimee. “Those two planned one hell of a surprise.” Aimee slapped his shoulder and gave him a

look.

“He doesn’t know what he’s talking about,” Aimee said to me. Yeah and judging by the wide eyes, she’s hiding something.

Logan popped up at the table with a soda in his hands as his eyes took me in. I looked down at my pizza and started eating it.

“Join the party,” Juan said, his mouth full of pasta.

When Logan pulled up a chair and sat beside me, I tried to distract myself with texting Jacky or Kelsey. Or just staring at my phone, reading FML’s but that didn’t happen because

I don’t have my phone on me. I checked in my bag but it is officially MIA.

“I left my phone in your room,” I said to Logan, not looking at him. Instead, I kept my eyes busy staring outside and watching the snow pile up while drivers tried to make it to

their destination.

“Why’d you run out?” Logan asked in a voice only for me to hear. I leaned in my chair and made up some bullshit about being hungry. That clearly isn’t the case because he sees

my half-eaten slice of pizza on the table. “Did I say something?”

Yeah.

“No.”

I stared off into space and got hit with popcorn seconds later. “Hello, Earth to Becka,” Alyssa sang. “I asked if you were getting any tattoos in the near future.”

I sat up and shook my head. “I’m not in the right state for picking out something. I’ll regret it later.” Understatement of the year.

“What does that mean?” Caleb asked.

Like I’m going to tell them I might get something about being worthless tattooed on my skin. Or maybe a suicide note. I’m not thinking about it but it does sound like a good idea.

Just in case it does happen and I don’t have time to write anything.

“Which one hurt more?” Aimee asked.

Damn, now that I think of it, none of them hurt.

“I loved getting them so I don’t think pain was a factor,” I said. “I literally sat in the chair and laughed the whole time.” No wait… “One of them did hurt,” I said

standing up. I rolled up my sweater until I stopped at the bottom of my rib cage. Wedged in-between a diamond ring I got done when Alice ‘proposed’ to me and the words, ‘I’m

what you never wanted’ (I don’t talk about it because it brings up bad memories of my mother), I have a blossoming pink rose and the petals have withering tips. This one hurt as I

got it. Maybe because it means something important.

“Running low on space,” Valerie said glancing at me.

“Lend me some of your saggy skin then,” I snapped.

I know I should have just kept my mouth shut but she’s getting on my nerves and I can’t deal with her anymore. And it was a low blow. Girls hate to be anything less than perfect.

And Valerie likes to be perfect 24/7.

Her jaw dropped as she turned away.

“I got this when I flew back to school after I spent winter break with my family. It was after the first time I heard my mom say I repulsed her.” Everyone’s eyes turned on me.

Yeah, I just said that. “Pink roses symbolize love, grace and appreciation.” Which I lost. “If you look closer, you see the withering tips.”

“Meaning?” Alyssa asked reaching out to touch it.

“I was losing all of it. Every tattoo made my mom hate me that much more causing love to fade away. The flower is my heart,” I said softly. “And every flower dies. She was just

causing mine to shrivel up and die even slower.” I guess that’s why I don’t rely on people. I don’t open up. I don’t want people to be let in only to get disappointed and

leave.

That’s why I’m trying to push Logan away.

My heart wants him but my mind is too screwed up to let him in.

Sneakers hitting the floors and people telling someone to slow down and watch where they’re going jerked my attention to a blur running in our direction.

Victor ran to our table with snow in his hair, all over his face, and soaked jeans. “Why don’t you pick up your phone?!” he snapped at me while breathing hard.

“I left it upstairs,” I said. “Jesus, relax.” f-uck.

“Matty called Jon to get in touch with you. Your mom was in an accident,” he said. “And it’s bad.”

My sweater dropped down as my arm lost its strength. I was just talking about her. And I know I hate her but she’s my mom. She did give me life. Even if she hates me, she brought