Don't Let Me Fall(56)

me into this world. I don’t know why but there were some good times.

And to know that she was in an accident. And it’s bad. Why don’t I feel like I should cry and ask questions? I’m the worst daughter on the planet.

“Becka, Kelsey was with her,” Victor breathed.

As soon as he said that, my legs started moving. I grabbed my bag and I ran past everyone. I tripped on a table but I kept going. I didn’t ask questions because in my head I knew

that Victor drove here to tell me. He was probably at his dorm a few blocks away, got a call from Jon and then he drove here. When I ran out of the building, I saw his car with the

lights on. He didn’t have time to park anywhere.

“Come on. I’ll drive,” Victor panted behind me.

He gets me. He understands that I’ll walk into fire for Kelsey. So running out of a dining hall like a manic is understandable.

I threw myself into Victor’s car and he floored the accelerator. I don’t understand how he didn’t get a ticket, probably because there is barely anyone on the road now.

We got to the hospital and ran into the ER.

I saw my family sitting in chairs and Robert or Rabbit or whatever the f-uck his name is was sitting on the opposite side. That’s when I noticed Dad standing by a set of double

doors, talking to a doctor.

“What happened?” I breathed.

Dad glanced at me when the doctor said the next words. I didn’t believe it at first but everyone heard it. Making it real.

“She’s gone. I’m sorry. We couldn’t do anything.”



- 13 -



Mom’s gone.

I know I should feel something. Pain, loss, hurt. But I feel nothing. And I know it’s not normal. I just lost my mother. The person who brought me into this world. The person who

hates me. Hated me.

I’m worried about Kelsey.

That’s what my mind is focusing on.

Mom decided to bring Kelsey to the mall. I guess the fact that it was snowing hard didn’t change her mind. I guess driving too fast wasn’t bothering her. And I guess not stopping

as a truck drove past was the right thing to do. She put Kelsey into the hospital. Not the leukemia or tests. Mom did. She was driving recklessly and didn’t care about the safety

of her child. Of my sister!

Because of her, we almost lost Kelsey.

“Mr. Lennox, you can see her now,” a nurse said.

Dad got up and followed her to where Kelsey is. I know we’ll get to see her later. At least right now, we know she’s going to be fine. She has a broken arm from the impact and the

doctor said she’ll have some bruising around her chest because of the seatbelt. They want her to stay for a few days because she is weaker from the cancer and she might have some

problems later.

I glanced at Victor who didn’t leave yet and then I turned my eyes on Mom’s boyfriend for awhile until he looked up and found my eyes. “What are you still doing here?” I asked

him. He’s just sitting there, wiping his eyes and staring off into space. “She’s dead. She’s not going to walk out of those doors and f-uck you later.”

“Becky,” Matty said grabbing my hand.

“What? It doesn’t make any sense,” I said. “Go home.”

“Home?” Richard or Ronnie asked. “Diana is gone. Why would I want to be home?”

“I don’t f-ucking care,” I snapped. Just f-ucking go!

“Becka,” Jacky said giving me a look. Remy is beside her, squeezing her hand and I know it’s to keep her from attacking me. I’m being rude and she wants me to stop.

“Then go to your parents’ house,” I said. “You lived with her for a year and half. You weren’t that important.”

“I could say the same for you,” he snapped.

“Get the f-uck out,” I growled.

We had an intense staring competition until he got up and walked out. That’s what I thought. He doesn’t deserve to be here. His girlfriend almost killed my sister. He can f-ucking

leave.

“What the f-uck is wrong with you?” Matty asked.

“He doesn’t need to be here,” I said matter-of-factly. “She’s gone.”

“She was our mother, Rebeckah!” he yelled as he stood up. I flinched. He never calls me Rebeckah and he never yells at me. “How f*cked up can you be that you don’t care?!”

“Matty, stop,” Remy said sitting up straighter, reaching for my brother.

“We’re trying to help you but it’s obviously not working,” he said shaking his head at me. “We lost you the same day you lost Alice. You’re nobody to us now. A stranger.” He

stormed out of the room with Remy going after him.

Should that hurt right now?

I glanced at Jacky.

“Feel the same way?”

Jacky wiped her eyes as she stared at the floor.

“No,” she said. “Because unlike them, I know how Mom felt about you but you can’t talk like that around Matty or Kelsey, Becka. Mom is still their mom. She’s still my mom.”

Jacky got up and walked out of the room. I didn’t go after her. I couldn’t. Deep down I know I’m f*cked up. And I know Mom’s attitude to me is why I’m the way I am.