Don't Let Me Fall(67)

My voice cracked when I said, “Ending it on my own terms.”

Tears ran down his cheeks as he slipped his hands to the back of my neck. “Please don’t leave,” he whispered. I closed my eyes so I couldn’t see him. “Please.”

“Why?” I asked. “I was destined to fail. I was never supposed to be born. I told you I was going to disappoint you.”

Logan leaned into me even more until his lips brushed my neck. He’s talking above my tattoo. “You want to fly. I know you, Rebeckah. So do it. Fly. But don’t come crashing down.

” What does he even mean? “I won’t let you fall. I’ll keep you balanced.”

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I opened my eyes.

“I won’t let you get on that elevator and I won’t let you kill yourself.” I tensed when his lips pressed into my skin. “You came to me, Rebeckah.” He pulled away and held my

eyes. “Why?”

Because I’m an idiot.

“I’m falling in love with you,” Logan said softly. “And you can deny that you don’t feel the same way but I think you do. You came here. To me. And I’m not f-ucking letting

you go.”

I turned my eyes to his shoulder as the tears came out harder.

He’s not falling in love with me. He’s just caught up in something that will end in heartbreak.

Logan’s arms wrapped around me and I was scooped off the floor. I didn’t kick and scream for him to let me go because I couldn’t. I stared at the clasp envelope in my hands and

my mother’s words came back to me. Use it Rebeckah. Make it count.

Logan locked me up in his dorm and set me on his bed.

“She wants me to kill myself,” I murmured.

His blue eyes found mine and I started to cry again. I sank into his bed and sobbed into my knees as I handed him the envelope. He opened it and stared back at me as the shiny gold

bullet fell into his palm.

He didn’t say anything for awhile and I think it’s because he couldn’t. He’s witnessing me having a complete mental breakdown. He’s holding me hostage in his room so I don’t

off myself by jumping off a bridge (no one can stop me from that) and he’s staring at a bullet my mother left behind for me to use.

Logan stood up and uncurled my tight arms from my legs. He let them dangle off the bed as he stepped in-between them and took my face in his face.

“I don’t care what people say about you or tell you what to do. Well, maybe just a little because I want to tell you what to do. I want you to stop thinking you’re worthless, a

disappointment, broken or anything less than what you are. You are f-ucking perfect, Rebeckah. I want you to see that. You need to see that. Stop listening to other people.” Right

then, I gave him a look. He wants me to stop listening to other people. That includes him. “Besides me. I’m the exception,” he said with a smile on his lips. “Well now that I

have your attention I want you to hear me when I say that I won’t give up on you. I will never give up on you. Even when you give up on yourself, I’ll be here. I believe in you.

And I won’t let my girlfriend do something reckless.”

I stared up at him for awhile.

“Girlfriend?” I said unsure.

His eyes searched my face then he nodded.

“Yeah. What do you think? I’m going to kiss you like I kiss you and call you my friend?” he said smiling that smile. “If that was the case then I’d kiss Darren and Caleb like

that.”

“You’re crazy for doing this.”

“Haven’t you heard? Love makes people do crazy things.”

I cringed when he said that.

“Tell me you won’t hurt yourself,” Logan said caressing my cheek. “And mean it.”

“I can’t do that,” I said looking away.

“Why?”

“Because if you knew my story, you’d understand why I’m haunted by the suicidal thoughts. The voice in my head turns everything I do into something bad, reminding me that I don’

t deserve this,” I said. “Living. Happiness.” I found his eyes. “You.”

“Then tell me,” he said resting his forehead against mine. “Tell me your story because you know I won’t judge you.”

“You will once I tell it.”

“Do you trust me?”

No.

That’s a lie.

Somewhere deep down I do.

I nodded.

“Tell me something,” Logan said. “Anything.”

I closed my eyes and racked my brain for the most horrific memory. There are so many. But one will get him to leave me alone. This one will make him hate me and toss me to the side.

“I thought I was pregnant,” I said shaking the images out of my head as I opened my eyes and found him staring back at me, not judging, not disappointed. “I tried to kill myself

because I thought I was carrying the child of someone who planned on murdering my best friend.” And knowing that I would bring life into this world terrified me. My best friend

died that night. I was not going to have a reminder. And I didn’t want to live, period.

I was going to kill an unborn child. I thought I did. The stick said I was pregnant. I was one of the lucky ones who got a false positive.