Don't Let Me Fall(68)

His hand loosened on my neck as he pulled back to look at me.

“I thought I killed–”

Someone pounded on Logan’s door.

“Ignore them. Keep going,” he said softly.

The knocking wouldn’t stop so I gave up. I wiped my eyes and told him to get it. I sat back on his bed when he walked over to the door.

“You made a deal with her fa–”

Is that Victor? I glanced at Logan’s back and managed to tilt my head in the right angle to see Victor standing outside. And he doesn’t look happy.

Logan said something too low for me to hear so I turned my head away and grabbed my phone. I texted Jacky telling her I’m fine and for her not to worry. She should worry though.

Because I’m still worried.

“I’ll be right back,” Logan said glancing at me over his shoulder. I barely had time to nod before he was out the door and it clicked shut.

Okay…

I kicked off my flats and fell back onto the bed.

Why is this happening? How can I think about killing myself and then have the thought plucked from my mind just by having Logan say a few words.

Because you want to be loved and he said he’s falling in love with you.

The feeling is mutual. I can’t get him out of my head and I don’t want to. I don’t want to stop looking at him, talking to him, listening to him.

I want to live.

Call me an idiot because it’s over a guy but at least it’s something. I trust him enough to tell my story. He said he won’t judge me. And I believe him.

I turned on my side and grabbed his pillow. I’m crazy so breathing in his scent is not that bad. I closed my eyes and let his delicious scent fill my lungs. If I could stay like

this forever, I’d like it. I’m actually smiling.

I’d pause this moment and live in it.



***

I felt a hand fall onto my stomach. My eyes jerked open and it took me awhile to let my eyes adjust in the dark. Where am I? Last I remember I was in Logan’s bed breathing in his

scent. Oh, I must have fallen asleep. Shit. And he just let me sleep?

I turned on my side and backed up into a raging hard-on. “Logan?” I whispered, stiffening. He groaned and pressed into me even more. Oh, god that feels good. I closed my eyes and

backed up into him even more. God! “Logan,” I moaned.

“Hm?” he mumbled.

“Are you awake?” Say yes. Say yes. Please, say yes.

He mumbled something that sounded like a yes so I sprang into action. My hand slipped behind me and ran down his chest. I found the waistband of his sweats and pulled them down.

When I grabbed him, his hand gripped my hip and I smiled. “I’m up,” he said, sleep in his voice.

“Then why am I still in this dress?”

His hand slipped down my side, onto my thigh then he went back up, bringing my dress with him. When my dress was over my ass, he stopped moving. And I waited.

“What are you doing?” I asked when he didn’t resume touching me. “Did you fall asleep?” I glanced over my shoulder but it’s too dark to see anything. “Logan?” I stopped

stroking him. What the f-uck? I turned around and let my fingers find his face. His eyes are open. “Why aren’t you talking?”

“We shouldn’t…” he said, unsure.

Because you’re trashy.

“Um, yeah. Right. Sorry,” I said pulling my dress back down. This is embarrassing. “Is this because what I told you?” I asked softly.

Logan didn’t say anything so that made the wheels in my head spring to action. He’s disgusted with me probably. Dammit. I thought this would be okay.

“I should go,” I said. Logan grabbed my hand and sat up. I waited for him to say something but he didn’t. “If you don’t want to have sex just say it. Don’t make me think it

has something to do with me.” Because it always does…

“I want to have sex with you, it’s just–”

“Don’t think about it then,” I said pushing him back down on the bed. “If you want to do it, do it.”

His hand slipped to my back and he unzipped me slowly. I know he’s looking at me but I can’t see him so I don’t know what he’s thinking. I never do anyways.

I reached for a condom near the window and climbed on top of him. “This is the first time I spent the night,” I said. “But it’s still early so–”

“Don’t leave,” Logan said sliding his fingers down my body until they settled on my thighs. It was the way he said it that got my heart racing faster than it already is. It’s

like he’s begging me to stay. Like I’d go somewhere.

Where would I go?

I like where I am right now.



- 15 -



The Christmas music that Aimee and Alyssa constantly sing around me is driving me insane. Christmas is only a week away and I’m already dreading it. The songs, the cheerfulness and

the reminder that my birthday lies on that day are the three main reasons why.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad that everyone is happy but come on, it’s strange, people aren’t this happy. Who sings Jingle All the Way every time they walk through a door with