Don't Let Me Fall(66)

“It’s hard to care about a person when that person never wanted you.”

He said two words as I slipped out, “I’m sorry.”

And just like that, we were back to loving each other. The shit he said in the hospital and the days after that, are forgotten. He’s my younger brother. I’m his older sister. I

did change but I’m still Rebeckah. I’m still Becky.

I stepped into the elevator and headed down to the lobby of Martin’s building. There were a few people walking around but I stuck around anyways. I took up a chair near some fresh

flowers on a table and started reading the letter.



Rebeckah,

Any money left in your college fund will be split between your brother and sisters because it’ll be a miracle if you can live long enough to graduate. I don’t see the point in

leaving you with anything when you’re just going to kill yourself because you’re pathetic. Alice’s parents have every right to blame you for her death. You get around and just

like every night, you had to go out that night. Your best friend died. Do you care?

Why did you slit your wrist that day? Why not do it earlier than two months after she died?

Kelsey would miss you but she doesn’t need a screw up as a sister. Who knows, maybe you’ll both go off into the sunset together.

I’m dead so there’s no point in lying.

Hate me if you want.

The day you were born, you were supposed to die. I really hoped you did. Jacqueline was a handful so one was enough for that time in my life. When the doctors showed you to me and

your father, I should have been happy. I wasn’t. I didn’t want to love something that would die. I wanted to love you but I couldn’t. And for that I’m sorry. You deserved more

than what you were given.

Then you started with the tattoos. I gave up when you got the birds and moved away for college. And I was happy. I got to leave the house and find my own place. No kids. No

problems. No you.

I don’t know if or when you’ll get this letter but if you do, do something for me. In the envelope is the thing I left for you. When I saw it, it screamed your name.

Use it, Rebeckah.

Make it count.

-Diana



When I opened the envelope, my heart stopped.

And my legs ran.

I ran until I was out of breath and holding my sides. I ran until the tears burned my eyes and I couldn’t see anything in my way. I ran until I thought my heart would give up but

it didn’t. And I ended up at school. At the twins’ dorm.

I knew someone that was walking in so she signed me in and I made a break for it. I ran up the stairs because I was running on adrenaline. Twenty flights of stairs wasn’t a

challenge at this point. It’s a death wish. And it’s not happening!

I’m stressing myself out and trying to push my limits but nothing is happening. Nothing is working. Aside from my desire to see Logan. My legs started moving and they won’t stop

until they get what they want.

I ran out into the hallway and stopped at Logan’s door. I knocked a few times and looked around like a crackhead looking for drugs. I only hear my heart pounding. Everything else

is drowned out. I’m the only person in my made up world.

Logan opened the door and my breath caught.

I was kind of hoping he wouldn’t be here.

“Your family’s looking for you,” he said, panicked.

I grabbed the doorframe and took a shaky breath. This dress needs to come off. These flats need to come off. “What do you see when you look at me?” I asked.

“What?” he asked, confused. “Rebeckah, you need to sit down–”

“Tell me. Right now, when you look at me. What do you see?”

His eyes scanned my face, my body, my eyes, my body. When he locked eyes on me a bit longer, I saw a muscle in his neck twitch. Say it. I don’t care.

“Someone who is giving up.” I past that stage long ago.

I nodded. “Keep going.” Tell me. Tell me what I’m feeling because you can do it. I don’t want to do this but it’s the only way. I want to fly. I need to fly. I’m ready. It’s

time.

He shook his head and grabbed my arms but I shook him off. I never wanted to hurt him. At least not now.

“Like you’re saying goodbye,” Logan said with wet eyes.

I walked backwards and nodded again. “I never wanted to hurt you,” I cried. “And I never wanted to bring you into my life but you were my best mistake. You made me feel

something.” I wiped away the tears and took bigger steps back as Logan walked forward. “Ask my father what happened that day. Tell him to tell you the whole story.”

“Rebeckah, don’t–”

“I never made it to the end,” I said, cutting him off. “The nightmares won’t stop. I’m damaged. Unfixable. I’m a ticking time bomb and I’m about to explode. I just wanted you

to know that you did help me. You just couldn’t save me.”

“Rebeckah, don’t get in that elevator,” he said as I pressed the button. I looked up at him as he closed the distance, pinning me to the wall. “What do you plan on doing when

you leave this building?” Flying…my way.