Losing Him (Mitchell Family #8)(50)

“He still has school and I don’t want him to leave his friends. I figured that I could come visit on the weekends or maybe you two could come visit me. We can work out custody once I get settled and have a job.”

I couldn’t believe she was doing what she was doing. “Heather, I know you don’t want Jacob to be so far from you.”

She looked sad and held her head up to display tears falling down her face. “My mother told me that if I loved something I should let it go. Jessie, I will never know what your intentions are until I know for sure what I want. I love you so much. I think you know that. Being a family is something that I’ve always dreamed of. I just can’t do it and wonder how we got here. I can’t be with you when I feel like it’s out of pity.”

“It’s not! I swear.”

She turned away from me, leaving me begging for her to let me prove it.

An hour later, I was packing mine and Jacobs’s things up. I needed to be alone and obviously Heather needed the same thing.

It was too hard to explain things to Jacob, when I wasn’t sure what had happened. I thought we were so happy. All the time she’d been staying with me, she’d just been waiting for the right time to walk away. Maybe I had been a shitty boyfriend. Maybe I should have said that I loved her, but I didn’t. I let her walk away without a fight, because it was all I knew how to do.

Chapter 27


Heather


I’d gone and done it.

Jessie was gone.

He’d taken our son and walked away, like he should have a long time ago. Me getting hurt was only holding him back from what he really wanted. It wasn’t his responsibility to care for me and pay my way because he felt sorry for me. I wanted more than that. I wanted a man that loved me and wanted to be with me because I made him happy.

I was done being the weak girl that fell for the guy who could never love her.

It was time for me to be my own person.

I cried the whole first night. It wasn’t just because I’d be without Jacob for a while. There was a hole in my heart where my love for Jessie had been. I knew the only way to get through a tough time was to keep myself busy.

For the next three days I did everything I could to stay on task. I cleaned, I packed and then I repeated the process. Jessie called several times, but it was mostly so that I could talk to Jacob. He refused to tell him that I didn’t want to be with him anymore. He said I was being silly, but he would give me the time I needed to decided. The thing was, my whole reason for doing it was to know how he felt about me. I needed to know that his love for me was real.

When he refused to talk about feelings, I had my answer.

My interview went well and two days later I got a call back. I was excited but petrified. Accepting a job here, in my old town, was permanently saying goodbye to my life with Jessie. He ran a family business and moving was out of the question.

He showed up Friday night, just like he’d said he would. I was so happy to see him and Jacob that I almost backed out of my decision and begged them to take me home with them. Since I couldn’t see Jacob every day, I spent as much time with him as I could Friday night, until he finally fell asleep. I hadn’t thought about how awkward it was going to be when I was alone with Jessie.

I walked out into the living room and found him sitting on the couch with his hands covering his face. When I sat down beside him, he looked over at me. His tired eyes looked so empty. I ran my hand through his thick hair. “You look tired.”

“I haven’t been sleeping. I guess I was used to you being there and now you’re not.”

I swallowed hard and looked down at my knees. “Jess, I need to do this. It’s the right thing. I can’t keep going back and forth with you. We’re wasting each other’s time. I want more than that, and for the first time in my life, I’m not going to wait around for it to happen.”

“I get why you think you need to do this, but you never even considered my side of it all. Did you really think I’d ask you to move in with me if I didn’t really care about you?”

“Of course not! I know you do. You said it yourself though, love isn’t enough. I want more. I want the whole package.” I was almost embarrassed to admit that out loud. Jessie wasn’t the whole package kind of guy. He’d never once talked to me about marriage after he found out the truth. In fact, whenever I discussed it, he ran in the opposite direction.

“You’re making this all so much more difficult than it should be. You can’t expect me to just marry you because you’re ready. That’s crazy. Is that what all this is about? Is this some trick to get me to propose?”

I stood up and put my hands on my hips. “No! I want something real. Why would I play mind games? I know you don’t want the same things as me, that’s why I’m doing this. I’m giving you a get out of jail free card. You know it’s the right thing.”

He ran his hands through his hair and wouldn’t look at me. I was too tired to keep arguing, so I headed into my bedroom without saying anything else. I was done talking to Jessie about a future that was never going to happen for us. It was sad, but true and nothing I said or did was going to change him.

I cried myself to sleep that night, but Jessie never bothered me. I wasn’t even sure if he slept on the couch or in my mother’s bed, because when I woke up he was already in the kitchen.