Losing Him (Mitchell Family #8)(54)

I may be playing a game that had no winner.

This could be devastating.

Chapter 29


Heather


I should have known that each time Jessie left to go home that it was going to harder. Jacob thought I just had to keep working on my mother’s house. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that everything was about to change. I think somewhere in my mind, I was praying that it wouldn’t come to that, although I knew Jessie wasn’t going to budge.

Jessie had decided to leave a day early, claiming that he had something to do. Since it was no longer my business, I didn’t ask him what it was.

After getting Jacob buckled in, he came over and pinned me against the car. His lips were on mine before I could argue with him. He stared deeply into my eyes. “I’ll miss you this week.”

I swallowed the knot in my throat. “It will get easier.”

“I don’t want it to get easier. I want to think about you every day. I want to think about how your skin feels against my lips. I want to think about the way you smile when you first wake up.” He kissed me softly again while holding both sides of my face.

I closed my eyes and tried not to focus on his seduction. That’s all it was. Jessie wasn’t in it for the long term, he was in it for the fun. “So I’ll see you next weekend?” I was already choking back the tears.

Finally he pushed away and started to get in the car. “Yeah, I guess I’ll see you then. If staying with you will be too much, I can ask my sister.”

I leaned into the car window after he closed the door. “I have plenty of room.”

He pecked me on the cheek before I could pull away. “I’ll call when we get home.”

Before the tires hit the pavement, I was already crying. I felt like the bad guy for trying to move forward. Why couldn’t Jesse just communicate with me? How come he had to be so indecisive. We could have been a family forever.

I wished there was someone to guide me through my heartache. No matter how much I loved Jessie, it would never change the fact that I would never be what he wanted. To him, I’d always be that girl that corrupted his perfect life.

It hurt me more being with him and knowing that than not being with him at all.

My mother’s dying wish was for me to be happy and secure with my self. The only way that I would ever be able to do that was if I started over. I knew that moving back to town wasn’t ideal, but without any money, it was my only option. The biggest hardship I was going to have was fighting Jessie for custody of Jacob. Because we lived hours away, we wouldn’t be able to share him like we always had when we were apart. Millions of family’s made it work everyday, so I was hopeful that we could do the same.

Hopefully, after time, I’d be able to afford a place closer to Jessie so that we could go back to our original agreement. I was aware that the time in between was going to cause major issues with him. Aside from our relationship problems, Jacob was his father’s whole world. Being without his son wasn’t going to go well at all. If his parent’s got involved, I was up for the fight of my life.

Three hours after they pulled out of the driveway Jessie was calling me. I was still in tears from being so messed up over things, but I tried to disguise it with my voice.

Hello?

Hey, I just want you to know we’re home safe.

Jess, please don’t hang up yet.

I don’t have anything to say to you, Heather. This shit is breaking my damn heart. You expect me to just let you walk away with my son. You’re kidding yourself if you think that’s going to happen.

It’s not like that and you know it. Don’t you think that after all that I’ve been through, I deserve to be happy?

I tried to make you happy. This shit is all in your head. I just drove for three hours and I’m tired. Can we just not do this tonight?

I’m not doing this because I don’t love you anymore. I think I’m always going to love you, Jess.

Baby, you don’t know what love is if you think that walking away is going solve all of your problems.

The phone went dead before I could say anything else. If I was making the right decision, why did it feel like my life was ending?

I fell to the floor begging God to give me a sign, showing me where I needed to be. I begged him to guide me to my future and give me the strength to get there in one piece. I begged him to forgive me for all of sins against myself and others.

It was at that pivotal moment when I begged him to save my life and grant me a second chance. I’d given up doing things on my own, only to fail in the end. If someone didn’t help me, I was afraid I would fail again.

The phone rang again startling me. This time, I didn’t hide my tears.

Hello?

Why are you doing this?

I just want to new start, Jess. I’m so tired of being judged by everyone around me. For once I just wanted to be someone else. I want a new start.

Have you considered what Jacob wants? Do you know how hard it is to tell him everything is going to be okay?

I think about him every second.

Maybe you should ask him. I can tell you that for the last few hours all he’s talked about is you coming home. How do you think he’s going to feel when he finds out that you’re not planning on ever coming back?

I’ll deal with that. He’s a little boy. Don’t you think it’s important for me to get my life straight? I can’t be a good mother if I’m all messed up.