Losing Him (Mitchell Family #8)(58)

I had a lot of time to think about how to leave things for you kids. I’m sure in time, you’ll find more little notes for me. I wanted you to find them as you were living your life. I love you so much. Kiss Jacob for me everyday and know that you won’t have to worry about money.

Love

Mom



We weren’t poor, but this was insanely generous, even though I knew I was the last living relative. If these belonged to my father, than my brother and I deserved them.

A few days later I was with a specialist who was letting me know just what the bonds were worth.

What he told me, left me flabbergasted.

Not only would Jacob never hurt for anything, but I’d be able to pay off my house and live comfortably. I’d never have to rely on anyone else to take care of me.

I cried alone in my house for the next two days, drowning my excitement in twenty dollar bottles of wine. It wasn’t like I could call and tell anyone about it. Jessie surely didn’t want to hear that I didn’t need his help anymore.

After a little too many glasses of wine, all I wanted to do was talk to Jessie. I was feeling relaxed, but lonely. It was a mistake even though I was going to do it anyway.

Heather, it’s midnight. Are you alright?

I miss you.

If you miss me so much, then why do you want to be without me?

Because I know you don’t really want me. You don’t want to be committed to me. I know you felt bad about the accident, but I’m not your responsibility.

Heather, you don’t know what I want. What if your throwing away something special? What if my intentions are true? Do you really want to separate our family without knowing the truth?

I don’t need your money anymore, Jess. Something great happened.

What are you talking about? You must be drunk!

Losing you hurts so much. I know it’s the right thing though. It will just take time for me to heal.

Have you been drinking? You’re all over the place and your voice is slurred.

Maybe I had some wine.

Heather, listen to me. Please don’t go anywhere. Stay home and sleep it off. Promise me.

Yeah, I’m not going anywhere. I wish you were here with me, in my bed. Do you miss my body, Jess?

You know I do. I miss everything about you.

I’m never going to stop loving you.

Call me tomorrow and let me know you’re okay.

I will.

Yet again, I didn’t get those three little words that I longed for. In fact, in our whole relationship, he’d only said it a few times. That drove me crazy. What was it so hard for him to say that to me?

Feeling defeated and alone, I decided to call it a night. While laying there trying to go to sleep, I thought about Jacob and how hard it was going to be for him to be without his father. I knew my decision was insensitive and probably made no sense since Jessie and I had been getting along so well. He wouldn’t be able to comprehend that our history and his father’s lack of being able to commit would be the reason for us not being together anymore.

He’d probably hate me.

I don’t know whether it was the alcohol, or maybe my mind finally realizing that I was in for a lot more heartache, albeit I curled up in a ball and began to cry again. If only Jessie loved me whole-heartedly. If only he would take that leap of faith and forgive me for my wrong doings. Everything would be so my easier.

Too bad Jessie wasn’t the commitment kind of guy. Instead he fought with himself over having feelings for me at all. In time, he’d would always walk away and pursue something else. I couldn’t have my heart broken like that again. I couldn’t hear Jacob come and tell me that Daddy went on a date with another woman. I couldn’t be that jealous woman that called him begging him to stay with me.

I was just so tired of it all.

How many years was I willing to wait for a guy that was never going to change or be able to commit to me at all? His broken promises and lack of trust were what was the breaking point for our relationship. As much as I wanted to be with him, it couldn’t continue.

As much as I wanted to be happy and celebrate the fact that I had money to start a new life, I knew I would not only be breaking my own heart, but my sons as well. It made me even more upset.

I bawled until I finally fell asleep from exhaustion.

The next morning I had a headache, so I went to take something for it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a regular bottle of pain killers to save my life. The local drug store was about a half mile from where I lived, so I got dressed, put on some sunglasses and headed out for a walk.

By the time I’d made it inside of the establishment, my back was full of sweat and I felt dizzy. My head was spinning and if I turned my neck a certain way I could see stars. I kept my sunglasses on as I paraded through the aisles looking for the painkillers.

I couldn’t help but notice this particular man when I got to where I was looking. He was tall, tan and scruffy, and talked on his cell phone with a strong southern drawl.

“I don’t see that bottle here, darlin’.”

Jessie was who I loved, completely, but this man was just gorgeous. He had a hat on that covered the front of his face, but I could tell he wasn’t going to be ugly anywhere on that body.

I tried to look for what I needed while listening his sexy voice, until I heard him say something and realized just who I was looking at.

“Savanna, I’m not findin’ that. Are you sure they sell it here? Maybe they just have it back home.”